Better late than early: Why it’s wise to wait
By Karen Salmansohn
Did you hear? Divorce rates are down—from the oft-times quoted “a little over 50%” to a much more optimistic “under 40%!” The theory on this positive decline: More people are now marrying later, and these later-in-life marriages are shown to have a more everlasting and everlusting lifespan—which is lowering the total divorce rate.
Why do marriages that start later last longer? Consider some of the following:
1. You’ve had the breakups that led to breakdowns that led to the breakthrough.
2. You’ve sowed your wild oats—and now think, “Sow what?” All those tempting choices aren’t as tempting as you’d thought.
3. You’re healthier and more together—meaning the relationship now has at least a 50% chance of being healthier and staying together.
4. After having endured a gazillion bad dates, suddenly your fear of working at a relationship is a lot less scary than your fear of more bad dates.
5. You now know when a relationship is on the road to nowhere—and how to find the exit ramp away from emotionally unavailable territory.
6. You no longer confuse conflict for passion—and recognize that it’s better to have loved and lost…than to live with a wacko for the rest of your life.
7. You now have work you love—so can put more attention on the work of love.
8. You now wisely know the “ability to compromise” is a sexy attribute—and “consistency” is an aphrodisiac.
9. You now know that just because a person looks good on paper doesn't mean they're going to “act good” in real life. Status, wealth, fame and trust funds no longer hold as hypnotizing an appeal. You recognize that money doesn’t buy happiness…it can only lease it for a few months.
10. You now know it’s never a checklist of adjectives to look for in a person—but the compatibility of your adjectives with their adjectives. Meaning: The rocks in your head must fit in the holes in the other person’s head.
11. You now know personality is the tip of the iceberg…but character is the real foundation. While it’s okay not to share all the same interests and hobbies, you must always share the same values and ethics!
12. You now wisely know you’re never going to find perfect, custom-fit love in a world of off-the-rack people. All people will have some flaws and misfits.
13. You now recognize that you get love in your life by loving your life. Meaning: A man or a woman isn’t meant to give you a life, they’re meant to enhance the one you create.
14. You now know that nice guys and girls don’t finish last—they create relationships that last!
15. You’ve stopped blaming your past for bad relationships — and started blaming your present: What you’re doing and whom you’re choosing.
16. Having less time to waste magically seems to increase your intelligence and instincts.
17. You now know true love requires love of truth.
18. You’ve had years to research jobs to have, cities to live in, people to date… It’s as if you hold a Ph.D. in knowing thyself—so you have a higher percentage probability of finding someone who’s right for you.
19. You now wisely also know who you are not!
20. You now wisely know love is a boomerang. What you have and give away is what you get back.
Karen Salmansohn (
www.notsalmon.com) is a life coach and best-selling author with 27 books, including Enough, Dammit: The Cynic’s Guide to Finally Getting What You Want Out of Life, to her credit. Although Karen believes that later is better in the marriage department, when it comes to other aspects of life, her motto is “Live now, procrastinate later!”
