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#1524284 11/18/05 11:54 AM
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RookKev Offline OP
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Wow.

I just have to say, reading some of these things over the past week make me really want to smack some BS's upside the head. This is really hard...try to act like the alien your WS is for a minute, and step outside of your body/life and look at your situation from the outside.

WHAT WOULD YOU TELL YOURSELF TO DO?

I can think of a number of examples... one of them is Cymanca. His ww gets caught in a bad situation, and suddenly, she has a change of heart when she NEEDS Cy to bail her out. Are we unsure of his ww's heart? I'm not, she is still using him...same as always. Others also, is my H really in an A? Of course he is...I'd say if you even suspect something is afoot, and then you can match missing chunks of time...you have your answer.

I remember how scared I was back in the day. Paralyzed with fear at some points. I had a time-limit situation that I had to contend with...which crippled me in some fashions, but, I had them... what are you waiting for? I know at one point, I got some answers that I needed and it freed me up to move forwards, educated. What are you waiting for. Remember, the truth will set you free.


9 years now ... and some days you still say grrr!
Hang in there.
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Ok Rook I can understand. However, you need torealize that we are dealing with alot of different situations, people and histories here. We can advise people but not make them do things. They need to choice what is best for them. Sometimes we do not know all the facts and only discover small things untile one day it all falls in our lap. Then we can make our decisions. The truth does set you free but sometimes it takes its time coming forward.


married 21
Together 26 -
OW 2yrs, he worked with her and found secret e-mail account.The first cut is the deepest.
just found out H is a serial cheater - total cut to pieces now- saw a D lawyer today.
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RookKev Offline OP
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I really do understand what your saying realtor, but, from being here...for 2 years now, I have come to understand also: The more and more we think we are different and unique, the more and more similair affairs and the behavior around them are the same.


9 years now ... and some days you still say grrr!
Hang in there.
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"...and step outside of your body/life and look at your situation from the outside."

lol, in my case it was like being thrust into an out of body experience in the first place. The problem for the longest time was my coming back to a firm grounding in reason and reality, not one of stepping outside. I needed back in!

After I discovered the LTA was still on, I had to spend almost three months with an IC just to find my center and figure out how to confront FWW yet again.

Anyway, I agree with you. You just reminded me of the bad old days again.

With prayers,


"Never forget that your pain means nothing to a WS." ~Mulan

"An ethical man knows it is wrong to cheat on his wife. A moral man will not actually do it." ~ Ducky

WS: They are who they are.

When an eel lunges out
And it bites off your snout
Thats a moray ~DS
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Dear RookKev,
Speaking as a fairly new b/s in recovery, I can see how it looks so obvious to those on the outside looking in, at least the ones that have been down that road before.

I think what the newly betrayed victims are dealing with more than anything is their conscience and unconscience trying to shelter them from what is obvious. They know it on some level, that their spouse is in an affair. Its just that part of their brain that is trying to protect themselves from the pain of acknoledgement of the affair.

Thank god, for the wonderful people her on mb. that have the experience and knowledge to help the new b/s come to accept what is happening, and help them develop a plan to help end the affair.

I can see where the more experienced posters, such as yourself, could become tired of the b/s denial.

But your experiences are what help pull the b/s's and w/s out of the fog, and hopefully onto recovery or at least a point where they can live without the spouse and still realize they have a life worth living.


In the end, I have nothing to lose but everything to gain, by trying to save my marriage.

Me, betrayed wife 46
Former Wandering Husband, 51 E/A 2005
28 years of marriage
DD 26, DS 24
O/W aka, Rat 29, A-D Assisted Living
Discovery 8-20-05 Recovery ongoing.

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