How does it make you feel when people "bash" your ex?
I called a Christian counselor the other day, then backed out of the appointment. She was the type that "just knew" my husband after I described him in five minutes. She said we'll if you want someone to tell you your husband is a pig, come on in. She added words like barnyard animal and the works...
Yes my husband and I faught. He wasn't perfect, I wasn't perfect. I was wrong too. I lost my temper verbally much more then my husband. He pushed and shoved. It was no way to live and I left. I wish we could have found a good counselor we never did. My husband is now blaming me, I'm blaming him, it's all so insane.
But how does name calling help? And a true Christian, especially a trained "professional" counselor ought to know better.
One could say it appears he has the tendancies towards narccism, or is it the alcohol, he's drinking too much? But counselors seem to have made our marriage worse by doing this. One we had a counselor that met us both, wanted to listen to both sides, I wasn't at the point where I'd listen to him, but he was right. We were both at fault.
The world isn't black and white. Him good, me bad. It's greys, lots and lots of greys. I'm just so tired of friends and family doing this good/bad routine. I'd like to know what I did wrong too so I don't repeat it, I'm not some senseless victim. I stayed in this marriage, it's quite obvious that I was a part of the mess. There were good times too, that they call my husband such rude names shows no respect for the times we shared and the years together. Yes, maybe our time is over, at least for now...
At times I feel like it's a Christian elitism, the Christian counselors I'll admit have been the least helpful, the "professional" ones that is. Friends, family that are Christian have been helpful at times. But was I raised in a Christian family to judge others? We are told not to judge. Then why are they not only judging my husband, they haven't even met him. Why would they call him names I'd never even after all of this call him? And why aren't they saying what some on this group site once said, he needs our prayers too?
Yes, I'm angry at times, sometimes I do criticism him and what he did to me. Somehow I have to have enough information to base a divorce on. That does include character judgments and such. And a look at actions vs. what he's saying to me. He continues to drink, he hasn't made changes in his life that would make this marriage work but have I? His drinking is a grounds for serious separation and divorce if he doesn't quit. But it's hard to point the finger at him. Iost my temper the other day, I know it's wrong. I say he's not changing but am I? It's easy to pick out someone else's flaws and point the finger at them in marriage but when he did it to me I cried "victim" or something along those lines.
I'm just confused. My husband is being served this week with divorce papers. I feel like my life is flashing before me. I'd have liked to have had a compassionate counselor to talk to - not one to call him a dog, a pig, a barnyard animal as I try to heal and get on with my life. Yes the world is disappointing. My mom says that's why we have to stay so close to God and know the Bible for ourselves, because even "Christians" disappoint us (or counselors that call themselves Christians making lots of money by stamping that on their cards) - and it's hard to know what to do at times. I know one human can't help me figure this out, I am trying to get closer to God, in some ways the closer I get the worse I feel about what I did wrong in this marriage - and that I'm a hippocrate myself for pointing the finger at him as I was so very wrong...
If anyone made it through my circular thought process here, thank you for listening to me. Maybe we exercise gentleness even to those who betray us...
