I'm not sure if it's the approaching holidays, the frigid weather or the fact that last year on Thanksgiving, I had to tell my kids about the affair but I'm just a mess. Everything is a trigger and not just for the affair. Like I was standing by the kitchen sink and the furnace went on. I burst into horrible sobs thinking about how just a few years ago, I'd warm my toes there before I fixed breakfast for the whole family. Last night, DD wanted to watch a video and I got sad. I remembered how when the two of us saw that movie at the theater last Thanksgiving, I cried through the whole feature. On Sunday night, I was so distraught after watching the Masterpiece Theater about Queen Elizabeth I, I couldn't go to bed. The ending where they showed her standing for 15 hours before her death because she was afraid she'd never stand again was so sad. As she stood, they showed her thinking (with video inserts) about her life. There was lots about her doomed love with Robert Dudley. It was almost more than I could bear. Even Anne of Green Gables reduces me to a puddle.

My emotions are closer to the surface now than they've been for a long time. Ultimately, I think crying is a good thing. Better out than in, as Strek would say. I'm realizing why our mothers were so excited when as young adults, we came home. I can't wait for my sons to be home for Christmas and our house is filled again. I can cook big dinners that don't have any leftovers. There'll be lots of noise. DD loves having her brothers around. However, like every year, there's so much to do before the Holidays. It feels a bit overwhelming.

That's all, folks. It'll be better soon. It's just one more thing to work through. I could just use a hug. Thanks.

{{{{{{{grapegirl}}}}}}}}}}}

Here you go {{{{{{GG}}}}}}.

I'm sorry you are feeling so down.Maybe getting through this batch of holidays will better prepare you for next year.I know I feel very good but perhaps that is because I have made my decisions and am on my way to a better life.No more wrecked holidays for me.I am making them the best they can be and I don't care one ounce what my philandering H is doing.He is no longer a part of any of that.I refuse to give him that power.Since my DDay,I have had 2 wrecked Christmases,2 wrecked Anniversaries,2 wrecked birthdays and no more.This year is about positive change for me.

GG,What is your plan now? Are you on your way to D or just in limbo waiting for the next act? Can you remind me?

O

((((((grapegirl)))))))

My 18 year old daughter is in the psychiatric hospital with a psychotic breakdown and will be there over the holidays. I'm thankful that God has a plan in her life whatever than plan may be. It's hard for me to imagine, and I'm sad, but I'm also joyful. Things could have been worst but they are not. She is alive and I can talk to her.

You have your kids and while life has it's uphill battles, count the blessings standing in front of you with thanksgiving. May God just love on you grapegirl and give you and your family peace in these holidays. I wish the best for you and yours.

I'm in limboland but also dark, dark Plan B. I have an appointment with Steve next week. He'll be giving me feedback from his session with WH last week. It's hard to wait that long between sessions.

I see myself as generally getting stronger. I've noticed that in my dreams, I do more decisive things. The kids and I are having Thanksgiving with family. I'm planning out Christmas.

I'm not going to let this Christmas be like last Christmas. Nor our anniversary which is right after Christmas. Maybe I can flush all the sadness out of my system before the Holidays come close. Thanks for the hug.

Grapegirl...

I missed the second part on sunday of q Elizabeth cause I had to work...grrr...

but let me tell you sumpin...

and this is EMBARRASSING

I CRY WHEN THEY PLAY THOSE ONSTAR COMMERCIALS ON THE RADIO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


PATHETIC!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

ARKIE

Askme - such a pity to hear of your daughter's condition. I hope she reaches a full recovery one day soon.

GG - I'm sure I will be feeling like you are around Xmas. Thanksgiving doesn't hold any great meaning for me as I'm English but these big family occasions hold a lot of power over us. In all honesty, I've done Xmas alone for about 5 years now. I did all the shopping, wrapped all the gifts, went to school concerts alone. But it was still easier because my world hadn't been shattered with his A. I was living in ignorant bliss. My life wasn't perfect but my family was intact. It is very important for me to remember how little he was around and how I carried our family alone. Such a kick in the teeth to realise it wasn't because he couldn't be there, but because he didn't want to be there. Pillock. {{GG}} You are such a strong, sensible lady. Let the tears flow but I hope you will soon be laughing again. TT

I can't watch Field of Dreams and see the baseball player turn back into the old doctor knowing he can't go back and not cry. I'm an old softie.

I'm glad I'm not only one with a leaky faucet.

Ark, you ought to find a away to get a hold of a copy of the second half of Elizabeth I, The Virgin Queen. I thought the first part was good but the second was outstanding. The costuming was fabulous. The way they aged the actors was amazing. I suppose that was one of the things that affected me, watching them age. The ephemeralness of life... I want to watch the Kate Blanchett one next. I really like that period of history.

(Last year, right before D-day, I watched the Henry VIII one. Gosh, I understand now why WH didn't want to watch it with me.......)

Askme, I hope your daughter is doing better.

The lady who plays Mary Tudor in the Cate Blanchett version of Elizabeth was in my class at school. She's my claim to fame!

I'll keep a close eye on her. My claims to fame are much more removed. My boys went to school with some kids whose mom went to school with Tom Hank's wife. My daughter was in preschool with Brendon Fraser's nephew. Yeah, not even close.....

Tis the season .....

I just go a call from the adorable mr Pep ... and he's all ~gooey~ lately ... telling me how much he appreciates "us" and how aware he is on a daily basis "of my mortality" *whoa*

Tis the season to look back and over-think and over-feel and over-eat and over-spend ....

seasonal insanity?

mebeeeeee ???????

Seasonal insanity! I like that! New the boards but wanted to offer my {{{{hugs}}}}.


Consider yourself hugged,

{{{{{GG}}}}}
This time of year even before A...lots of things bring tears to my eyes like...hallmark commercials...coffee commercials...christmas songs. It just goes to show ya..you are not in a fog you have real feelings and real emotions sometimes a little raw...it shows you feel connected to those you love and you are capable of loving.

My almost claim to fame...when I was in college I lived in the same apartment (not at the same time) as a friend of Sylvester Stalone. He helped him write Rocky I and moved to CA when they made the movie...then we got the apt. My roommates and I would say "..just imagine Rocky probably used our toilet! Maybe he even took a shower here!" <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Hope you feel better GG

AskMe I'm glad you DD is getting the help she needs. I use to work in an psych hosp...holidays are difficult. Take care and God Bless.

Ark, you ought to find a away to get a hold of a copy of the second half of Elizabeth I, The Virgin Queen. I thought the first part was good but the second was outstanding. The costuming was fabulous. The way they aged the actors was amazing. I suppose that was one of the things that affected me, watching them age. The ephemeralness of life... I want to watch the Kate Blanchett one next. I really like that period of history.

I saw you can order it...

I also love that whole genre...

Mary Queen of Scotts is prob my favorite..being an Scottish lass me self...the use of her as a pawn by Calvin....

and the whole of idea of women as rulers during a period when women truly were property...and the drive to marry them off so as not be under their control...and to be completely surrounded by male counsel...

even the psychological terror the women queens must have been under living in such a dichotomy....

I have done a lot of reading on that period as well...though no expert...I found PBS's rendition of Dudleys wife deawth as interesting....

there were hundreds of years of debate over whether he had her done in...or if she was suicide or what....the latest I read was that they did scans on her skeleton and found that she fractured a hip and then fell down the stairs...had cancer that had metastisized to the bones....

I am so thankful not to have lived during those periods....they moved castle to castle when the rats and vermon over-ran the people...eeewwwwhhhhh

ugghhhhhhh

BUT
no one was tearing up over stupid ONSTAR commercials back then...!!!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

ARK

grapegirl,

You have helped me so much since I joined this "exclusive" club. My thoughts are with you... Better days are coming.

keith

Hey Grape........((((((((( <GG> ))))))))))))))

Lem

GG -

Wish I could jump right through cyberspace and give you a huge hug. {{{{{{{{GrapeGirl}}}}}}}}

You can make it through.....I think it was you who said just take it one hour at a time. Or if we have to one minute or one second as it seems sometimes!!

Kim

Good morning GG - are you feeling better today?