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Joined: Feb 2005
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T_D - I am so sorry to hear how things have gotten. I am still praying for you and BreakingThread.


Me: 41, INFP
Her: 46, ESFJ
Married 6/95
B-G Twins
4 yrs recovered from serious neglect on my part.
So happy together!
Joined: Oct 2000
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I saw this at a friend's house recently:

If you find yourself going through heII ... don't stop

Joined: Sep 2000
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All I keep hearing from W is "I am going to file", then she gets mad at me when I ask her when she is going to file.

And explain to us why you keep asking? Are you trying to egg her on?

I believe I have mentioned this before but I'll say it again. As an ER nurse we are taught ways of dealing with agitated people. For example, if a person is holding a gun, one should not say, "don't shoot" - that just might remind them about what they can do!


Disclaimer: This is free advice - at least you are assured of getting your money's worth!
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It seems that your W may also need professional help to help her resolve her resentment towards you. Married or not, both of you will continue having contact with one another because of your children and if she allows her resentment to fester and grow, it could potentially be turned towards them via verbal/emotional abuse. Maybe you can respectfully convey this to her so that hopefully she will start working on her issues.

TMCM

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Thanks all. I know I screwed up alot. But I still believe that I have consistently tried to do the right thing. Unfortunately, emotions and stupidity frequently interfered.

W is filing today.

I think me posting here has had a negative effect on trying to save the marriage. A lot of times I posted here about issues I was / am trying to work through. Trying to work through issues is never easy, nice, or pretty. I probably shouldn't have done that on an open forum where W could read my comments and interpret them on her own.

I am going to sign off of the board for the time being. IF I come back, I still hope that it is not as a divorcee.

Thanks to all who tried to help me and my marriage. And please believe me when I say that I DID try as best as I could, as best as my emotions and abilities allowed me to.
A friend on here told me "not to leave anything on the table". And if my M is over, I can say that I haven't. I continue to tell my W not to file, that I still want to have a better M, that I believe if we both want it that we can have it. And I continue to go to IC to work on my own issues. And yes, I pray. And that is not meant to sound pious.

I am pretty down right now, because I still want my M, my family... I still, and always have, loved my W.

Wow, life just sucks so bad right now...


Me (XBH): 39
Kids: 13yoS, 11yoS, 6yoD

"Another turning point, a fork stuck in the road.
Time grabs you by the wrist, directs you where to go.
So make the best of this test, and don't ask why.
It's not a question, but a lesson learned in time."
-GOOD RIDDANCE!
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T_D,

I'm so sorry for your latest development but remember that each of us is responsible for his/her choices and she is responsible for her choice of filing for divorce and ending the marriage.

I can't shake the feeling that your W may once again restarted her affair and has tried pushing your buttons as a way to justify ending the marriage. Hopefully I'm dead wrong about this, for everybody's sake.

TMCM

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Wow, a lot happened in the last several days. I am sorry your wife is filing for divorce, and for that pain that is causing you.

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Thanks all. I know I screwed up alot. But I still believe that I have consistently tried to do the right thing. Unfortunately, emotions and stupidity frequently interfered.

It's pretty painful, isn't it, to realize that trying really hard and trying to do the right thing just plain aren't enough? The thing is, those are only good enough when we're kids. Being an adult means we're responsible for the outcomes of our actions, no matter what.

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I think me posting here has had a negative effect on trying to save the marriage. A lot of times I posted here about issues I was / am trying to work through. Trying to work through issues is never easy, nice, or pretty. I probably shouldn't have done that on an open forum where W could read my comments and interpret them on her own.

That is a serious problem, given your temper. You AO and DJ a lot, and both of you lie to an extent that is severely shocking to healthy people.

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I am going to sign off of the board for the time being. IF I come back, I still hope that it is not as a divorcee.

We all hope so too. Perhaps you can get your IC to work with you on expressing yourself in a respectful manner, so that if you do come back you can post in a way that won't be harmful for your wife to read.

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Thanks to all who tried to help me and my marriage.

You showed some real guts in dealing with the infamous MOS cluebat. :P You've got some ugly behavioral problems, but from where I'm sitting it really looks like you have the strength of character to overcome them.

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And please believe me when I say that I DID try as best as I could, as best as my emotions and abilities allowed me to.

But you know me well enough by now to know I'm not letting that one slide. No, you didn't do the best you could. You cut corners and slacked off in a thousand different little ways, and they all added up. Now you're finding that one big emotional "try" can't fix that kind of damage. It's a painful realization, but it's not true to say you did the best you could -- you didn't.

Don't get me wrong -- I'm not saying you should take infinite punishment or anything like that. Just be honest. "I've done as much as I'm willing to," might be a very honest statement here.

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A friend on here told me "not to leave anything on the table". And if my M is over, I can say that I haven't. I continue to tell my W not to file, that I still want to have a better M, that I believe if we both want it that we can have it. And I continue to go to IC to work on my own issues. And yes, I pray. And that is not meant to sound pious.

I am pretty down right now, because I still want my M, my family... I still, and always have, loved my W.

Wow, life just sucks so bad right now...

Now more than ever you need to keep up on IC -- this kind of whammy is going to mess with your neurotransmitters again. Healthy food, lots of water, and lots of exercise can counteract some of that, so take good care of yourself. Good luck and don't be afraid to take time to just let all this stuff process. Be good to yourself.

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