It sounds like your kids have a great mom. They will probably be just fine. But you do need to protect the family.

We went through the car thing too. We raised 8 kids together, and WH wanted to buy each one a car. So they all got one when they turned 18, except my youngest son, who turned 18 after D-day. WH's priorities had changed (to OW), and he wouldn't chip in any money. So I had to buy that one on my own - worked lots of OT.

The funny thing is, I didn't really agree that we should provide a car for each, but he insisted.

It just blows my mind that he is involving the kids so much in this. The last thing the MC said to us was to keep the kids out of this as much as possible. We had only been out of the MC office about 20 min, When he called my daughter crying with the song God Bless the Broken Road playing in the background and left her a message saying how he loved her. She was upset when I got home. I was furious but she was upset because she said she knew he was hurting. This after he just called her Monday night and told her he was taking us off his insurance and quiting his job. LOVE?

For some reason, they always love to involve the kids. That's just the way they are. They don't seem to have the strength to not do it.

Talk to your daughter, and let her know that you have a plan. She must realize that her father is temporarily a little bit off.

We go to court Thursday @10:00 unless something happens between now and then. He is in a really good mood so he must have a reason to feel in control. I have a feeling he may have his lawyer ask for more time. He supposedly doesn't have one. I doubt that very seriously.

I am trying to get ready for court on Thursday and need to come up with a budget to determine temporary support. I have gone throught check book etc to determine amount for monthly expenses. I am having a hard time coming up with amounts for gas, food for the four of us. my three girls and myself. any suggestions for a budget. this is a difinte area of weakness for me as I am married to a control freak who did all of this on his own. I just thought there would be some formula or something for like food. I know this sounds silly but oh well. I am worried about this hearing on Thursday.

Julie,

I'm sorry you don't have any specific financial information but, I must say, YOU are at fault for not getting involved inthe day to day financial activities in your home. My WS has made the same accusations since I exposed her A. Sure, I took care of all the financial dealings but I ALWAYS offered to sit down with her and show her where to access EVERYTHING.

In fact, I had a file with all our account numbers, website addresses, logins and other important information setup for her if something happened to me. Maybe your WS truly hid all of that from you, this I would not fault you for one bit however, it is up to you to "get involved" and keep up with the finances in your own household.

Sorry, this is a real sore point with me as I've seen and heard of way too many folks placing blame where it didn't belong.

Now, to offer some constructive help here. Just look at checks made out to various stores by category so, Wal Mart is household items, Costco is groceries, Sears is clothes etc, etc. Get a 12 month running total and divide by 12. I must assume you know how much money comes in and how much is saved. You can ballpark and get pretty close believe it or not....

Hope you get things worked out......

Oops...Looks like my post is a day late and a dollar short. She is in court today.

I am very capable of keeping the check book, and paying the bills. This is a power play. he is not trying to do anything but try and make it as hard for me as possible. I could have sat down to budget etc. but he did not want me too. It was not worth the fighting that came with asking. Court is over for now and went well, the judge awarded me everything my lawyer ask for. My husband was supposed to move out by the weekend but did not so now I have that to deal with. Any comments?

Oh, sorry I didn't see your post earlier. But now the ball is in your court. I'm glad that everything went well for you legally.

So, he still hasn't left. What is up with THAT???

It often takes almost getting a divorce to wake them up.

I am sooooo frustrated. The kids knew he was to move out by this morning. I worked on preparing them as best I could and hoped for their sake it would be a smooth transistion. He is refusing to move out. I am not fighting with him but will call my lawyer first thing in the morning and ask him what to do. I am trying so hard to help the kids but he is doing everything he can to put me in a difficult position.

Did you get a restraining order as part of the temporary court stuff?

Yes there is a restraining order. He told the girls that there would not be a divorce. he was not going to move out because he knew I was going to come around. I called him today and asked that he talk to his C about the things he is saying to the girls. I told him it was not healthy but I don't think he gets it. He said he was going to stay in a hotel tonight but he has not come for his things.

It is really hardd because the girls do not understand that much of what he is doing is just trying to manipulate me. He will do what ever it takes to stay in the house. It makes me look like the wicked witch of the west.

It sounds like he is used to getting his way. This may be a bit difficult.

Well, he is out of the house. It is so sad and Iam trying to take one day at a time. I read an awesome book called When the one you love wants to Leave. It is really good. I needed to hear much of what it had to say. i have been shocked at how few books there are by christian authors on abusive relationships. There is a lot on affairs etc. but not with dealing with physically abusive relationships. Does anyone know of any good literature out there for that in paticular?

My H came over yesterday to get something he needed for the weekend. I really struggle dealing with him. he wants desperatley to get back in the house. i just can't. This is typical behavior but that does not make it easy to resist. he threatened to quite his job and to never see the kids again. The words from ARk rang in my ears. you must do what you must do and I must do what I must do. I said it without even thinking. He is furious and not making very good decisions. i do find myself sometimes crumbling but I just can't I have come to far.

Sounds good. Stand your ground. He will get angry when he doesn't get his way. Maybe he will figure out that he has a few changes to make.

Those who have nothing to hide, hide nothing.

Believer, when he was over last night he was complaning about my lawyer. Saying he was heartless etc. He then said if the lawyer ask anything about an affair he was going to take the 5th just to make him mad!? I said ooookkkkkkk, I bet that will make him furious. Then I thought about the quote above that you gave me the first day I posted. Even though the affair has taken a back seat so to speak, it still keeps coming up.

Where is your husband living? There is nothing like the reality of a possible divorce to wake them up. I hope your lawyer sticks it to him.

He is in a hotel. This lets me know he has no intentions of staying out. He told my daughter a couple nights ago that he could not eat dinner because he had no money because he had to pay for a hotel room. I have no family here but his entire family, mom and dad, sister, brother, nephew etc. are here. All have extra rooms. He is just trying to make us feel guilty. He said that we are going to go bankrupt because of my temporary settlement. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />