Hi, I have not been on in a while. Quick update- Work has been really busy , my computer at home is not working, and for a while I was doing okay. My Husband left the other women, went into a Christian drug rehab for a month and returned to our house on Sept. 9. We have had problems since he returned home, but as far as I am aware he has been faithful. The closer we get to Christmas the stranfger he has been acting. The last week and a half he has really isolated himself from me and the kids. He hsa not wanted to do any Christmas activities with us. We even decorated the tree by ourselves. I do not know if he is cheating, using drugs, or just depresed. I try talking to him, but hejust shuts me out. I told him today I was think about going to stay at my Mom's for a while (maybe a week or more) so he can figure out what he wants. He did not really react either way. Maybe that was a horrible thing to say or consider, but I get depressed being around him when he basically ignores and shuts me out. We have been through so much and I have forgiven him for so much. Why can't he see how blessed we all are and enjoy our family?

ksimon@bryanisd.org

{{stormy}} Can you do a little detective work to see what he is up to? Does he have a sponsor? Is he going to meetings after rehab? I would be very suspicious of the detachment.

I am so confused and worried about everything. Any advice, suggestions, or ideas?

Thanks,

Storrmy

Holidays can be emotional triggers for a lot of people. It could be that somehow he associates unpleasant past events with Christmas. But the key as usual is getting a person to open up and talk and if they don't do that it's hard to tell what is going on in their head.

Thanks for the response. I worry that we are going to end up leaving our kids with bad Holiday memories if we are not careful. I do not want to blow things out of proportion, but I also do not want to be blind (if stuff is secretly going on behind my back again) and end up devastated all over again. I feel very anxious.

Faithful Follower, I just read your response. No, he never went to any step meetings. they encouraged him to, but he always insisted he could/can do it on his own. I am suspicious, but so far our money is adding up correctly and no items (he use to pawn) are missing from our house. He is detaching and it is worrying me.

Give a call out to Pep and Bramble Rose. They both are familiar with the 12 step programs. What about alanon or narc anon for you?

I am all for 12 step programs, but I can not force him to go. I live in a small town and they do not offer nac anon. But, I have been attending alanon meetings instead. I go once a week. They do help me to an extent, but the fear/idea of him using drugs again is like my whole world falling apart again- Very Scary. If that is the case ,which I pray it is not, I do not think I will be able to hang in their and fight for my marriage anymore. It is all very depressing. It has been over five years of his drug and sexual addiciton problems. I have tried everything I can think of Church, praying, meeting his needs, counseling, tough love, seperations, rehab., etc. I really thought his stay in Rehab made a huge difference. He came home clean and faithful, but it feels like things may be slowly starting to crumble apart again. The saddest part is we have 3 young children who are effected by all of this. Christams is suppose to be a joyful time. Right now I am ery discouraged.

For right now I guess I am going to just take it one day at a time. Maybe he is just depressed or struggling with the Holidays. I am going to hope for the best, but try to be prepared for anything. Any other advice or comments?
Thanks,
Stormy

Has he been to an MD about his depression yet?

He went to an MD/counselor about a year and a half ago. They put him on a few different antideppresants and ended up deciding Cymbalta was the best for him. They said they felt it would also help him with his anger issues. My Husband never felt that they really made a difference and stopped taking them. The truth is I am not even for sure if he is depressed. I just know that he is withdrwling from me and the kids. And he does not want to talk about it. So, I am just trying to give him the benefit of the doubt for now. I am really lost about all of it.