About 6 months ago, I found out that my husband of 15 years had a brief affair with a classmate from his Masters program. Earlier this month I returned to school to begin my Masters. The problem is that I am on the same campus that they attended and whenever I go to class the memories of this terrible ordeal come flooding back. (The summer was actually pretty good in terms of this.) And no, I can not change schools. Has anyone had success in dealing with these obsessive thoughts that won't go away? Please tell me how you dealt with them. =)

Honey... they NEVER go away completely. My H had two affairs twelve years ago and I still tear up when I hear a Chicago song (one of the OW gave him tapes and lyrics of Chicago love songs). The pain itself is gone, but every once in awhile...<P>Since my affair, my H says he can't stand to see a red car (my OM drove a red car).<P>You are normal! Memories don't go away for a reason, and it won't kill you after awhile, but you'll never truly forget. Sorry , but it's one of those human things. God gave us a memory.<P>------------------<BR>Marriage: the most important contract you'll ever enter into, and the most sacred.<BR>

It is really hard. I don't know exactly how I do it. I do have the reminders a lot, in fact we ran into OW last Friday night from my husband's first marriage. <P>I guess as you get more and more secure, and you learn to forgive, things get easier with time.<P>Replace the memories on the campus with new memories?<P>

DCW....<P>When we feel insecure and unloved, subconscious memories of why and how flood our mind...and because we are humans who have had an upbringing and environment that reinforce and teach us to be insecure (dont do this, dont do that, wear this, dont wear that, dont touch, save lives, national security, murders, wars, violence as entertainment, divorce, domestic violence, and so the list goes on) these times can visit us a lot...<P>We all make mistakes and forgiving doesnt come easy....nor does trust, faith, and living in the now.....however you can minimise the effect of these memories by building your own self esteem and having a counting your blessings program....<P>You are here now not back then, yesterday is gone and tomorrow is not yet here, you can enjoy this now moment remember that...<P> Your counting your blessings program may go something like:<P>He is not doing it still...I am a good person...I am a good wife...I am worth worth loving...I am a loving kind person...I respect myself...I am worth respecting...I live in a good country....I am not starving...I live in a good house...I have good things...I am worth my love...I have good children...I have a good husband...I have a good job...I like my.....I like my.... etc etc etc etc ....keep the list going write them down and refer to them everyday and add to them as you think of more and more.....and be creative...maybe you can make a list of "things I love" and maybe of " things I would like to love" etc etc...be passionate about what you put in there..believe in it...give it life....<P>Do this small thing for yourself and you will amaze yourself about how you feel... your entire world will change..other people will notice the change in your vibrational output that will reek of love and compassion and will be drawn to you....<P>As your inner peace increases so will your world of abundance...you will get all sorts of offers and things will happen that will astound you...<P>And the tears of humility peace and inner joy will spill down your cheeks and your heart will know the presence of God even if you have no religion at all...<P>Go ahead do it..!! all you have to lose is your debilitating thoughts.. <P>Cheers..<P>cossie<P>------------------<BR>To know who you are is to see who I am....<P><p>[This message has been edited by cossie (edited September 28, 1999).]