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Joined: Oct 2005
Posts: 7,464
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Joined: Oct 2005
Posts: 7,464 |
I keep trying to decide if I should say anything to this man's wife. Tell me, would YOU have liked someone to say something to you? I sure as he*l would have!
Me: 56 (FBS) Wife: 55 (FWW)
D-Day August 2005
Married 11/1982 3 Sons 27,25,23
Empty Nesters.
Fully Recovered.
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Joined: Jun 2005
Posts: 368
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Joined: Jun 2005
Posts: 368 |
Of course, bigkahuna! I even said so in my post!
How would you bring it up
a) without causing further disruption for FWH at his workplace?
b) being taken seriously and not just as the bitter wife of a FWH?
c) to a total stranger?
BS: 37 (me)
WH: 35
D-Day: 6/10/05
Plan A'd from a distance - WH moved out
Plan B started: 10/04/05
Plan B fell apart: 10/14/05
Back on the Plan B pony 10/23/05
Baby stepping in recovery since 11/06/05
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Joined: Oct 2005
Posts: 7,464
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Joined: Oct 2005
Posts: 7,464 |
How would you bring it up
a) without causing further disruption for FWH at his workplace?
b) being taken seriously and not just as the bitter wife of a FWH?
c) to a total stranger? I would speak with her at the christmas party. She probably won't receive it but you can bet she will keep her eyes and ears open. Presumably you really only care about concern "a" above? Your husband should understand. Would you have appreciated being told if the roles were reversed? There's your answer. I'm sorry but I am pretty passionate about this. People knew my wife was carrying on an affair with our next door neighbour. The degree of emotional commitment and physical contact INCREASED as the duration of the affair increased. We moved out of our home to get away from him - costing us bucket loads of cash we don't have. You better believe the low life's that colluded in our ultimate suffering are off our christmas card list. The affair went 3 months. What if I found out after 1 month? 2 months? Before it started heating up?
Me: 56 (FBS) Wife: 55 (FWW)
D-Day August 2005
Married 11/1982 3 Sons 27,25,23
Empty Nesters.
Fully Recovered.
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Joined: Sep 2004
Posts: 145
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OP
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Joined: Sep 2004
Posts: 145 |
But she knew what she was doing. No one held a gun to her head. There was one more person in the A besides this guy, you know. You know....I sometimes think she didn't know what she was doing as it likely creeped up on her. WW has never been a great judge of character. Niave. She would have just assumed he was being friendly until all of a sudden she was snarred. ..or fogged. Yes she had a weekness that the OM recognized and was ablr to exploit...as he did with the other WW as well. They just roll over for him...it's pretty much unbelievable.
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Joined: May 2004
Posts: 2,621
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Joined: May 2004
Posts: 2,621 |
Is she a judge of her own character? Does she need to become one?
Or, are you to be her morals and ethics watchdog for the rest of your/her life?
Not being argumentative here, just want you to get some of this important stuff out of the way early, before you get too far into recovery and start having doubts. But then, most all BS have serious doubts in recovery sooner or later, no matter what.
Oh, I do believe it about OM. My FWW’s OM was a real player too. My FWW will not talk about it; so, can you ask your FWW where you and I can get some of whatever it is OM is using?
With prayers,
"Never forget that your pain means nothing to a WS." ~Mulan
"An ethical man knows it is wrong to cheat on his wife. A moral man will not actually do it." ~ Ducky
WS: They are who they are.
When an eel lunges out
And it bites off your snout
Thats a moray ~DS
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Joined: May 2004
Posts: 2,621
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Joined: May 2004
Posts: 2,621 |
I can't help myself. Every time I see this thread I flash on the guy that kept saying, "reewenge, reewenge" in A Fish Called Wanda.
Sorry. Going home now.
"Never forget that your pain means nothing to a WS." ~Mulan
"An ethical man knows it is wrong to cheat on his wife. A moral man will not actually do it." ~ Ducky
WS: They are who they are.
When an eel lunges out
And it bites off your snout
Thats a moray ~DS
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Joined: Oct 2005
Posts: 957
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Joined: Oct 2005
Posts: 957 |
Revenge sounds sweet, but it will hang over your head for a long time. I really wanted a pound or more D-Day, but decided after talking to the chaplain that he wasn't worth my time or effort.
"Never argue with idiots or WSs, They just drag you down to their level and beat you with experience"
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Joined: Sep 2004
Posts: 145
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OP
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Joined: Sep 2004
Posts: 145 |
so, can you ask your FWW where you and I can get some of whatever it is OM is using? That's the spirit lol! Turn a negative into a positive. I expect I will have moments of doubt. A number of friends have convinced me to drop it...for now. The only hold out is my mother who thinks this guy should be the target of my wrath. Sorry Mom. I realize now he's just not worth the effort.
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Joined: May 2004
Posts: 2,621
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Joined: May 2004
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So, turn your mum loose on him?
I think there is a degree of plausible deniability there.
Er, but not until I get enough prior notice to move to the other side of the continent, OK?
"Never forget that your pain means nothing to a WS." ~Mulan
"An ethical man knows it is wrong to cheat on his wife. A moral man will not actually do it." ~ Ducky
WS: They are who they are.
When an eel lunges out
And it bites off your snout
Thats a moray ~DS
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