Need some advice. 12 weeks into plan B.

WW had a tough Thanksgiving, since OM went out of state for the holidays. WW spent the holiday with some distant friends and time crying at her mothers over her current situation. She’s booked a trip to the Carribean over the Christmas holiday and will be with some closer friends to avoid reality.

I've avoided most dangling carrots and have been diligent about staying dark, very dark. WW tricked me into taking her call when calling me at work on a private number. I told WW I was happy she found her soulmate and that I am ready to move on. Told her I'm ready to put the house on the market and get the D rolling. WW wanted to know why I was pushing her away. WW had an epiphany - OM does not want children and she does, so the long term prospect for A is not so rosy. We talked about her ending it with OM and WW said she needed more time. Fog babble?

WW wants me to seek individual counseling to prove I'm committed to working on M. I'm holding firm to NC with OM prior to any meetings, counseling, reconciliation talk, etc. Is this the right strategy? WW says I’ve shown her very little during Plan A and she can’t trust me. Of course WWs A instills a mountain of trust. Appreciate any feedback.

sik,

Absolutely NC before coming out of Plan B. There is no recovery unless NC is in place.

BY the way....you need to write the NC letter together.

She needs to participate in the EN questionare and read about the other principals on this site as well.

Rachel

translation: your Plan B is working and she is trying to get you to break nc so she can keep you and the OM on the string at the same time. By telling you that you didn't show her much during Plan A, she hopes to manipulate you into breaking your Plan B.

Plan B is uncomfortable for her. She wants you to ease the pain of nc, but is not interested in ending her affair and committing to the marriage.

Stay dark, she isn't close to being ready. Hold out until she is really ready.

She is under the illusion that she is in a position to negotiate. She is not. Your position is, and should be, non-negotiable.

Thanks for the replies. Are ultimatums a mistake to shake WS from the fence?

I've reached my threshold of pain and told WW that I was ready for D. I told her I've seen an attorney and asked her to setup appointment with a mediator or I would move forward with litigation. WW dropped the IC talk and wants to meet prior to setting up mediation appointment. MIL sends me an email at WWs request that says WW is ready to "get serious" about our relationship. If she sends NC letter, am I headed for a false recovery?

Here is what she thinks of my Plan B:

"I have waited for you to fight for me, to show me
you're serious about saving the marriage and you have
shown NO INTEREST over the past 3 months"

Is this a normal reponse to Plan B?

TIA SIK

Listen to Melody. She is giving you good advice.

If you are really at the end of your rope, I would stay dark and set up the mediation appointment.

I might be a bit dumb and I've never done Plan B myself - didn't have to but the whole purpose of Plan A and Plan B is to break up the affair.

She says ***YOU*** have no interest???? WTF?????

Surely you sent her a Plan B letter specifying what SHE had to do in order to reconcile? ANd at the very top of that list is NC and a NC Letter to OM??? Has she complied with that?

Tell MIL that your wife knows what she has to do if she is serious about your marriage. Sheesh. What is it about WW's?

2 month update: Broke plan B to initiate D. WW said she was done with OM and wanted to reconcile. First 4 weeks we fought like never before and came very close to filing. I finally decided remorse/apology might come down the road and changed my attitude. Enjoyed 3 weeks of better times.

This morning I discover that she sent OM a nice "sympathy" gift on Valentines Day (OM is always alone on V day because OM likes to date married women). WW says gift was harmless and can't understand why NC is so important. How can I get through to WW??

Sikik, you could get a copy of the book *Not Just Friends* by Shirley Glass and ask your WW to look at it.

You could also invite her to post here on her own thread that you will not post to yourself. There are several Former Wayward Wives (FWW) here who have been where your WW is and who are successfully recovering their marriages.

Good luck.
Mulan