Wow, where do I start..
This is the largest, most active forum I have ever been on. My W of 17 years (2 Boys) had an EA (maybe PA no proof) 2 yrs ago with a MM that she hired to help around our farm. 3 mos. of denial and "he's a friend! you can't control me!" while she tore out my heart. Looking for help, I had found Dr. Harley's website and studied all the info to help deal. She wasn't interested in any of it of course. (Major denial) I found her love letters to him and tapped the phone to find out where they were meeting. Caught them in each others arms at a beach, amazing thing, she KEPT denying anything was going on! I simply told her it was over. When she could no longer deny she was destroying our relationship, we began to rebuild. Using the tools to build up our "love units." We fell in love all over again and I've been learning to trust her once again. We made an agreement to always communicate. Good or bad stuff. I told her never again get involved with another man, even it it seems innocent at first.. It is too risky with her personality. And if she did have a male friend, don't keep it secret. No more secrets! She promised to never ever, hurt me again. I got her a job where I work to keep an eye on her while she struggled with letting go of him. We worked together the last two years and our lives have gotten so much better. We started building a second floor on our house which has been our dream for a long time. I stopped working with her 3 mos. ago to build our house. I have just discovered that she has been seeing a male coworker on a regular basis for at least 2 mos. while keeping it secret. She had been paying extra attention to this M for awhile, buying him beer, taking him to lunch. She began coming home late every night, saying she went for a swim after work. I was suspicious, so asked if anything was going on. "He's just a friend" of course. I fought my suspicion until going over her cell phone bill to find hours of calls to/from him. Asking another friend from the job-"they go off to lunch together every day". This from a W who swore she didn't even see him for weeks at a time. What makes this so horrible, is we were doing SO well together. Now I know why she comes home from work so "refreshed". I honestly don't think this has become a PA. I know she is getting a charge from just hanging out with him and talking. It's "no stress" compared to our hectic lives at home. But I know where this leads. This is exactly how the last A began. The biggest hurt is the broken promise, the dishonesty. Now I don't think I can ever trust her again after everything we've been through. I can't live through this heartbreak again and again. My question is, can there ever be trust again? what do I do now? (She is with family in CA. this week. I haven't confronted her yet.)
