My WH, soon to be XWH, is a trusted teacher and coach at a christian school, with a "moral clause" in his contract. Most of our friends are through the school. He has even used his school duties to cover the A. If I expose him, he will lose his job. If I expose, he will think it is out of vengence and it hurts me financially. If I expose, a lot of people, especially children, will be hurt by seeing their "hero" fall.

Many know that we may be getting D, but not why. They are starting to ask a lot of questions. It makes me sick to see him get so much praise and attention at school when I know how he has destroyed our marriage and family. I want to tell everyone what he has done.

I thought that he would find another job at mid-term, but he seems to think he is safe to come back in January. He is so deep in a fog.

Should I expose him at the school?

fb...sounds to me like you're not trying to save your marriage if the plan is to divorce.

Exposure is to bring the affair out of the shadows so that it can be busted up. This doesn't appear to be your desire. As such it appears to me an act of revenge to hurt your husband...

If you want to try and save your marriage you must expose and bust up the affair at all costs, including losing jobs, moving, embarrassment, etc....

Only you know your intentions. Best of luck...

I know I still love my husband, but WH is not the man I married. I know that plan A has not worked and plan B is not financially possible. D is the only way I know to protect myself and DD. Currently WH is staying with MIL, who will only enable him. The more he is around MIL and SIL, the more distant he becomes from me. I feel that they are more of a threat than OW.

I'm not sure what I want. WH is in my thoughts constantly. However, one minute I want to be in his arms and another I want him to feel the pain I feel.

My concious is starting to bother me, because I feel like I am lieing to the people at the school as well. This is a close nit community where my daughter is a Jr.

I've found that I don't think the way most people do on this site. For instance, exposure can have other, quite legitimate, purposes beyond ending affairs. For instance, I think exposure to the OP’s spouse should ALWAYS be done so he/she can address the problems in THEIR marriages.

In this case, people will continue to ask about the reason(s) for the divorce. It’s unlikely the real reason can be hidden forever. Thus, the end result will be this WS is effectively teaching impressionable children it’s okay to speak glibly about moral values and faith but cross your fingers, kids, so you can scr3w around after you’re married. They won’t know it now, maybe not next year, but sooner or later the lesson will be driven home.

Further, this WS used a Christian church to have an affair. He’s undermined the purpose of the school’s existence with his sordid, seamy choices. Are the church and school not entitled to excise a “bad apple” from their midst?

Frankly, I can’t see any reason for NOT exposing the adultery to the school. It’s in the best interest of the children, the church, and the other person’s spouse.

He’ll lose his job, and you say that will impact you financially, fbwidow. He’ll get another job though. I don’t know how long the adverse affect will be. Perhaps, unfortunately, the decision of whether you expose or not has to be made on the basis of how badly it will impact your own family. Weigh things carefully and be sure you can live with the consequences. Then do what is right for you, and hold your head high.

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year to all.