If anyone is a suspicious person it is me...and I'm not feeling like anything strange is going on...which is why I'm waiting for a bomb out of nowhere to fall.

He has shown me damn near every nook and cranny of his apartment with his cam and the only pictures he has are of his step daughter and himself on dressers and on the walls. There aren't any girly touches to the apartment. I seriously don't think there is another female to worry about.

The cell phone idea is strickly so we can save money. As it is right now he calls me as I don't have long distance on my phone thanks to my son who likes to call girls long distance...he really needs to find a local girl and not one that is 45 minutes away...lol...and with me having a cell we would be on the in-network plan so it would be free for us to talk as much as we want, when we want. Also right now we can only chat online using msn when he is at home and when he's working we use the chat system on the dating site because they aren't allowed to download IM programs on the station computers...firewalls and stuff. We both want to get out of the dating site but we'll have no other way of chatting those days he's working unless I have a cell to call him...he can't call from the station house and rack up long distance on their phone and his cell doesn't work in the station house..too many satellite thingys on the roof. I would use my cell to call him at the station house. Whewwwww does all that make sense...lol

While it's true some paid firefighters in smaller towns don't make much money...I know because my oldest brother is one here and he makes a third of what "T" makes in a bigger, wealthier city. "T" is grossing almost $80,000 a year. He's a 18 year career firefighter AND he also gets paid extra for doing the paperwork and crap that's needed in the office of the station. I have verified all of that by going to the website and his name is there showing that he does what he says he does.

I have his cell phone number, home phone number, his PO Box address, his apartment address, his parents names and phone number. I don't think anyone who had something to hide would devulge all of that.

I'm definately going to ride this out and see what happens...he's just such a change from the losers I've grown accustom to.

I would tell them the same thing they told me...enjoy but be cautious. Which is where I am at right now.

On another note..I feel somewhat guilty for even questioning his intention...like Belonging said...Why couldn't a man with good intentions like this really exist? Just because I've never come across one like him I guess. He is innocent until proven otherwise.

I'm anticipating seeing him in very intense doses...I'm sure it will be hard...wanting to spend more time together but only realistically being able to only do once a month but if the trust continues to be there it will be okay on both sides. I'm definately not going to marry anyone just so we can play house. IF I get married again it will be for life and we both have said that at different times.

Also He's got another 20 years he wants to put in at the station and I have two kids who like living where we live...my son has another 3 1/2 years and my daughter has another 9 1/2 years. What happens down the road is WAY down the road yet. I'm not even ready to contemplate all of that yet. We could move over there....he could move over here...we could both stay where we are at and travel to one another...who knows what lies in the future. I had never heard of married people living in two different states until I came to MB. I suppose it would work. IF that trust factor is there. That's the key!

Okay I'm rambling now...lol

There are lots of men with good intentions. Take your time and enjoy it. They say you have to love like you have never been hurt. Don't drag along old baggage.

All kinds of things could happen. My WH and I lived in different houses as we had so many kids. Everyone thought we were a little odd, but it worked just fine.

Well said! Then follow your heart - but listen to your instincts! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />


I'm with AGG on this one!

Good Luck.

FR

Thanks believer and FR!!

HUGS!!

But it still remains what I said... sad that we believe only when/if proven over time... gulty until proven to be innocent, kind of.
It's not that he's guilty until proven innocent. It's something that needs to be explored a bit further before making a call one way or the other.

I think it's more of a "prove yourself to be a good guy (or a bad guy) before I decide". And a pair of boots alone and some phone calls does not necessarily make him a good guy (nor does it make him a bad guy).

Just because someone acts or does something nice does not mean we should simply trust them 100%.
It gives you a reason to perhaps pursue the relationship a bit further and see what he's really like.

Just relax & enjoy with your eyes open. You can get to know him & appreciate the nice things he brings to your life & acknowledge any red flags should they pop up.

Yes, there are plenty of good people in the world. It would be nice to believe all the people we deal with are well meaning. Probably most are but we still need to take care of ourselves by seeing the red flags & investigating them.

Have fun & take care.

The boots don't really bother me, it's great that he seems open and forthcoming about his life and apartment, etc. I think the thing that is making me a little nervous is that she's only known him online and up to phone calls since December 8th, and in one month from start, she'll get on his cell phone plan? If they fizzle, she's off the plan, I would assume. I guess as long as she can switch immediately to her own plan?

Coming from my experiences, I'd just want to make sure I didn't become too dependent on someone I just "met" who MIGHT not be around long. Nobody knows until it plays out awhile. Okay, even then, as many of us have experienced, but ya know what I mean.

A burning question in my mind - why do I not hear a mention of meeting him in real life?? All this stuff about boots, phone plans, 20 years before retirement, etc, seems like putting the cart waaaaaaaaaaay ahead of the horse if you haven't even met him. If I got a dollar for every time I met a woman who was nothing in person like how she seemed in photos and in words, I'd be retiring right now.

AGG

If this happens I would have no problem giving him the phone back and being taken off his plan. It wasn't my idea it was his and only because it will be the wiser thing to do for both of us.





Here's the mentioning of him visiting that was in my initial posting AGG

I understand what you are saying as a whole BUT are you hinting that I could be presenting myself as something I'm not and that's why he's doing what he's done? If it is...that is FAR from the truth. He has seen me on cam...he has seen what I look like when I'm ready to walk out the door for work with the hair and make up done, what I look like when I come home from work exhausted, and what I look like before I go to bed with no make up on, glasses on and jammies on. And vice versa on him...I have seen him at his best and worst too as far as that goes.

Here's the deal.

Sorry...Ugg boots remind me of FV. She wears them...as does the 15 and 20 year olds here in atlanta. But if we have a torrential snowstorm I might eat these words...

And about the leaving the price tag on...very not so tres chic.

And if you haven't met him, he could be really anybody.

Little fyi...I pulled my profile off. and although I am in process of wavering with my present bf...stbxbf...and considering dating around again...I am not really happy with the online lifestyle.

why? I have found the people a bit neurotic. Definitely NOT what they pain themselves to be. Either they match their outside but their mental status/personality is severely lacking or it's the opposite. But there may be a few good ones left out there...I just don't have the patience to sift thru them. Not now at least.

am a bit upset that you mention his income here. His income? I mean why? And you go on about how he may be a firefighter but he is a high paid one...I work with parameds all the time! They are awesome! and I do pretty well for a single girl, but I don't print my income nor do I flaunt it. And in our area, even a decent income doesn't go that far btw. I think I'd feel good about this if it weren't for the price tag on the boots, the whole boot reparte, and your mentioning his yearly income and retirement.

I understand we all want to find somebody who will carry their part of the financial burden in the relationship. An equal partner if you may. But maybe it's the fact that I totally despise the ow/w because she's such a golddigger...I don't know. I just think it should NOT be questioned past the point of "can this man carry half the financial load and I carry the other half? Will we be compatible and can we help each other financially out if we decide to become an official couple and marry?" That's what I look for in somebody aside from their personal characteristics/morality/attraction/incidental stuff. While I wish to bring home the bacon, I wish my man to be able to do so also!

Just take things slowly. Six hours away is darn far! My college xbf...the guy I almost married a year before Darth and I began dating...lives seven hours from me. In the last 3 weeks I have turned down the following: trip back home to play hostess at his black tie formal event at his new home. Flight home tomorrow so he can bring me and ds to his house and see his family...who were almost my IL's and love me dearly. still...He's probably three times more successful than darth btw. But that DOES NOT MEAN POO!

What is the problem? We live seven hours away. I have a ds and a custody arrangement. He is divorced a dad, and has a custody arrangement. It is HARD TO UPROOT kids period. I don't have the heart for it. Plus it's darn hard to date them period!

I would give this time. and wait. And refocus since you know the man is secure. Just look at little things. And remember...why does a guy leave a price tag on? Hmmmm. My xh was the biggest guy about tossing around really expensive gifts. They usually equated with this: If I buy you this trinket, it equals unquestioned loyalty and means I can do whatever I want!

Just my .02

Proceed ahead...but with a yellow light.

And remember what I said about ugg boots.

Well...considering the fact that I live in the Allegheny Mountains of Pennsylvania...Ugg boots will be mighty handy! I had never heard of them...and boots are boots to me...Uggs or not...they are an important necessity up here in PA. I'm not a label person...never have been!

Secondly...I think he left the tag on because he's a guy...guys don't NORMALLY (disclaimer...remember I said normally and not always) think about picking off a sticker on the side of the box. I knew how much they were to begin with from when we talked about them to begin with.

Thirdly...If you notice I didn't mention his income to begin with...I only did because it was implied that firefighters don't make squat.



I personally could care less how much he makes...I've said that over and over again. I admire him for being willing to lay his life on the line for someone else without a moment of thinking twice about it...not because of the size of the check he brings home.

BTW The mention of his retirement was in the context of him wanting to remain at the station house he is currently at for 20 more years only because he has a long history there and would like to retire from that particular station. Had nothing to do with his financial status.

Okay that's all for now...Merry Christmas everyone!!

HUGS!

Sheesh, when I find a man, I hope I don't have to go through this. If he is breathing, has one tooth, and gets up every morning, he's a keeper!

I say have fun, fun, fun, and a Merry Christmas too.

Sorry, my bad <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />.



Nah, I am not one to hint. And I certainly was not hinting about you, or him, but just saying that until you meet a person in real life, you don't know them at all. I don't care what angle he aimed his webcam at, what jammies you wore, and which walls he showed you, you are missing a huge piece of the puzzle until you meet him.

What I meant with my example was that I met women with whom I had great e-mail chemistry, great phone chemistry, but when I met them - nada. And I felt like an idiot, because I was already developing feelings for them. And certainly if before we ever met we had already exchanged expensive presents or signed each other up for joint phone plans, it would have been extremely awkward, to say the least.

The fact that you both seem to be so gung ho about this before you even met raises a red flag for me, that's all.

AGG

Allurin,

He sounds like he is moving way too fast... And the gift sounds to me like he is trying to be more than a gentleman, he probably wants something in return.

I also have bad vibes about this guy.

I met Hubby on a dating site, so I can appreciate that you see this process as a valuable one, AGE. In my case, however, there wasn't even a thought of a romantic relationship between us until we had been together, in the same city, for a week.

I have concerns that others have mentioned. At this point you have a very intense online relationship. You will need to spend lots of time together, day in and day out -- not just weekends -- to learn if the person he is matches the person he describes. Like Ogden Nash once wrote, "The statement is meaningless and the pen cannot speak." I'd like to be optimistic, but its more important for you to be safe.

I would like to mention one thing that the others haven't. You are quite free about sharing personal information with us here. I suspect that this man knows pretty much EVERYTHING about you. You have no way of meeting "for real" and keeping your name and address private until you know he really is a good guy. So that safety step is toast. I hope, however, that you have no intentions of having him stay in your home, with you and your children, when he comes to visit. He makes good money, so insist he take a motel room. And don't take your kids on your dates.

Be careful out there. Yes, good guys can be found online. I found, however, that they are the exceptions and the real gems don't have to pour it on like this guy has. Believe me. I dated a lot of people I met on the net.


Mrs. W8ing

Oooh, those boots WILL come in handy!


LOL, cute. I started out telling Allurin she was awfully brave to share on this post. I have a new interest myself, and many here will discombobulate on my behalf. That was a trailer tease, btw, I'm not ready to talk about it. Nobody saw that!

But I hope Allurin knows we're all analyzing the situation as she presents it to keep her safe and thinking. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />


Well, now, come on, you're appreciating it. You mentioned some money worries. I think AGG has already agreed with what I'm thinking...we're looking at this from other possible angles and certainly not slamming you. He might very well be a great person. Early helpful or monetary offers also sometimes point to problem areas. Just don't let your excitement or appreciation overrule your good judgment. Wouldn't you be a little suspicious if you heard another woman explaining the same situation? For her safety. Fact remains, there's some nice people out there and there are also predators, and a little bit of everything in-between tossed in. We just want you to be happy and SAFE.


I agree with exactly what AGG said. Have also experienced it. Duh, definitely an idiot feeling, embarrassing. Sometimes I've thought let's just brand "Nai-EVE" on my forehead and get it over with. Then worse, the realization that I thought I was too smart to be that naive. ARGH! I knew better! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

Maybe it's that sometimes we're aware of the dangers, but we think oh that won't happen to me? Surely not. And don't call me Shirl--but I digress. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

I'm off to start a holiday cooking flurry in the kitchen. Merry Christmas, everyone.

<covering my eyes with both hands> - I didn't see that, I didn't see that, I didn't see that.... I know that Laura knows better than to do this... I know it, I know it, I know it...

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

OK, in the spirit of Christmas, I will keep my mouth and eyes shut, but the beatings will resume in the New Year - so Laura, enjoy the next week <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" />.

AGG