magpie,
{Actually, it's not about the sex for me. It's about someone willing to open up and show me genuine care. That's what the OM had over my DH.}

Why don't you let us show you genuine care? Let us help you. Talk to us about Bird and his bad stuff. I will not judge you I will listen. You have a chance to be the better person. If you go on with the trip every one will be justified in getting on your case. Now we can support you and help you. We can help bird undrestand what you need. You don't need OM to feel better about yourself, you will feel sh#t and used!!!

Why is OM having a bad divorce b/c his ex wife is bad, it takes 2 hands to clap. Do you realy want to be stuck with his crab, do want to spend all your time talking about his bad marriage and yours. You will have at some time!!!

Van

Who can understand why anyone would do this?

AMAZING how it always seems to come out the same. Different people, different places, different times, same words and actions.

Yeah, I know it may seem "perverse" to some, but there is alot to be learned here.

Once again, I liken it to an autopsy.

Were getting a "real live" in the flesh posting from a WS ACTIVE in the affair.

Were getting to see the "crime" committed right before our eyes. No, this is not a "slide show" or a "movie", and I have great great empathy and sorrow for the BS and children who will be left with the ruins of this act....BUT I CANNOT and YOU CANNOT change or MAKE someone do WHAT I/WE want...so accepting that FACT....I try and see this for what it is....A validation of what we often "theorize" happens with a WS, and what many of our own WH/WS say/do during the affair.

No, this is NOT every WS actions and thoughts, but there are quite a few WS who many of us can "identify" with in the poster (magpie).

Yeah, one's initial and overhwhelming urge is to try and make the WS see the error of their ways....I can understand that...but that is NOT where the benefit is TODAY in the here and now.

Yeah it is sad....what else can you say.

Lem <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smirk.gif" alt="" />

BTW people - for clarification...

I BELIEVE she is already ON the trip with the OM.

Magpie, I already addressed the physical abuse in my previous post. Your H has changed. No you should not respect what he was but respect him for what he is doing now. AND respect yourself and your child enough to D your H before you take up with an OM.

Yep......hence the reason I am posting what I am posting.

Lem

MagPie,

Been reading along and just sort of wondering about what to post to you and your H. I actually have a lot to say to your H if he posts here again. Probably a lot to you IF you can get that cranial transplant reversed.

I will say, there is NO justification for what you are doing. I will say that you clearly think your H is a good enough father to give your children to. At this point I guess he should consider taking you up on your generous offer.

I will say that the fact that you are looking for cheap fares is probably NOT making a lot of points with your H right now. I will also say that you blaming him for your decisions will not help you much when explaining to your children why you two are divorced.

I don't see much good coming from this trip except to get your lust satisfied for awhile. I do see you hurting yourself alot and that saddens me.

But, as for advice, I guess I will await your H's next post and perhaps yours if you actually have a question you would like help with. So far, your posts have been simply "here is what I am going to do, tough if you don't like it."

Doesn't leave a lot of room to offer advice or guidance. I suppose that is part of why this marriage is going down the drain. You don't take suggestions or new knowledge well.

Bon Voyage Maggie.

JL

Our posts crossed Lem. I don't think everyone realized that she was already WITH OM.

Just don't yell at me. K? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

LOL.........Man, I guess my reputation precedes me...

I wasn't YELLING !!!!!!!!!!......<chuckling right now>..... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Lem <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smirk.gif" alt="" />

I think you've been beaten on enough. Now, if you guys really want help, then maybe people here can try to come up with something to help you put your family back together.


Why is this OM not suitable to be around your children? What is the deal with him? You're saying that your hubby who has been neglectful to you and obviously has some issues that many people would see as sexual perversions, is ok to parent your children alone, but this OM isn't ok to be around your kids? And you have no respect for your H (understandable), but this OM is good enough for you, when he can't even be around your kids?


Why are you ready to go home after one day? And why are you on on this forum posting, instead of being with this OM that you had to see?

Her addiction is temporarily satisfied. If she returns home, the cravings will return, and this time they will be even stronger as a result of this latest trip.

KNOCK KNOCK! Hello this is Brokenbird's thread. Where is HE? How is HE? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />BB How are the children? Please answer.

I will not talk to the WW. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" />

THis is an MB site. As someone said in their sig. You can't argue with an insane person. Or an active, unrepentant adulteress. WIth a nauseating case of selfishness, self-entitlement self-aggrandizement. GRR!!!!.

BB has admitted himself, that he begged his wife to screw another guy IN FRONT OF HIM for years and years, even though the WS was completely against it. BB says that he never got her to act on it, but from what she says, she did some things for him that made her very uncomfortable.

It's an unfortunate situation that magpie is having an A, and there's no excuse for it. But, the H is a piece of work himself and has a lot to answer for and his leaving it all to God, is a little concerning...

Both of these people are a mess and who everyone should be concerned about are these children. One of these two parents needs to grow up and do the right thing by their kids.

Just a couple of words. Well, more than a couple.

I thought about a flame and then I thought what would have happened if I'd posted in the middle of the A. I wonder what I would have said. I visited here a couple of times during the A because I was trying to finish it but I didn't really understand forums at the time and didn't know how to "belong" to a forum.

For the life of me I can't imagine saying what Magpie is saying. I think I probably would have posted along the lines of 'HELP ME STOP THIS AND HELP ME STOP IT NOW!'.

I know it's a very small credit to give myself and I've been pulled up on here before for giving myself any credit at all, but I was DETERMINED to save my marriage. Once the A was in the open I did all I could to make things as right as they could be.

Jen

Hi Broken,

I really have nothing to say to your WW at this time. But I would like to tell you that you are in my prayers and that we are here for you and will help you go through this, if you allow us to. Come back when you have a chance.

A few words are in order. You need a plan and you need it now. I know you said that you believe that you are doing God's will. I assure you that God's will does not include accepting, passively or actively, your WW to go on a trip where OM gets to screw her brains out. (Sorry for the graphic statement, but you need to be clear on what is happening.)

Given what your WW has said, I think your biggest task right now is to develop a BACKBONE. Right now, she has absolutely no respect for you. NONE. And since you allow her to act like this with little consequences, I can see why she would have no respect for you. Let me make this clear: you will not save your M by being a DOORMAT. Nor will you be able to protect your children and be a role model to them by being a DOORMAT. Nor will you be able to RESPECT YOURSELF if you continue to let your WW treat you like this. You need to WAKE UP and you need to WAKE UP now!

Your WW is just offering you crumbs, and rubbing her sleazy A all over your face. All over your CHILDREN'S faces. You have to come to a point where you do not accept to be treated like crap, as you are now, and act to protect your CHILDREN and your SELF RESPECT. If you are lucky you may even possibly save your M in the process. But contrary to what you may think, there is no way in he!! that you will save your M if you continue to allow your WW to Sh*t on you like this!

In short, it is time to grow some BALLS and MAN UP. If not for you, do it for your CHILDREN.

We are here for you and will be there for you. When you are ready, let us know and we’ll come up with a plan.

My heart and prayers go out to you and your children.

God Bless.

P.s. If you have the time, read Waitingonlove’s thread. The latest developments in his sitch will give you an idea of what it means to MAN UP. Further, try to make an appointment with the Harleys if you can. That would be very helpful to your situation.

Yes, I am still here. I will post more later tonight if I get the chance.

I'm glad to see that some of the tone in these posts is cooling off. I know that everybody here is posting out of a genuine desire to help us, and that they've all gone through this (though the details and roles may be different) or are going through this in their lives. I know that experiencing something like this will generate very strong feelings that will last a lifetime.

Having said that, I find the use of some words or terms (even as an example) to be highly offensive, and totally counter-productive to what I believe the goal of this site, and the goal of the posters here, is. Using words like wh*re, making comparisons to pigs, etc, etc may seem appropriate in the circumstances, but are ineffective, counter-productive, and in my opinion uncalled for.

This thread has only been really active today. There's a lot of back story that people on this forum have no idea about, and what they do may lead them to develop inaccurate or wrong impressions about the underlying causes of this.

Please understand - the road to get here was long, but the entire issue has been relatively short. The PA did not even occur until the end of October. I did not begin to realize the full scope of what was going on, nor my role in all of it, until the middle of November. We did not have our first MC session until a week ago today (Tuesday, the 22nd).

I will reply more fully tonight if time permits. I know that pretty much everybody disagrees with me on not forcing the issue with my wife over this trip. I know that everyone here (including me, and my wife) realizes the danger in this trip.

It is not my intention to be a doormat. My wife knows this. I can be just as stubborn and strong-willed when I want to or need to. I also believe that now is NOT the time to be so.

I am not leaving this in God's hands to fix. I am however fully trusting God to make me into the man and husbannd and father I need to be. I cannot change my wife. God can. I can however, with God's help, counseling and support change myself. If I was just going to leave it all to God to fix, I wouldn't be doing anything but sitting on my butt pursuing my own life while giving superficial or insufficient attention to my wife and family. That's part of what got us in the mess in the first place.

So please - voice your opinions as strongly as you wish. Voice your support if you wish. But let's leave the derogatory name calling out of this, ok? She is still my wife, and if I, as the betrayed spouse am not willing to call her names, I would ask that you respect that and not do so yourselves.

As I said, I'll post later tonight if I have time. Thanks.

Broken,

Could you please tell me what you think the benefits of your WW going on the trip will be to your M?

And whatever you deem the benefits to be, why do you think they counterbalance the deleterious effects this trip will have on you M?

Brokenbird,

I am deleting my post. I am very sorry. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" /> I hope your marriage can and will be reconciled. I hope your WW comes out of the fog, and makes the right decision.

Blessings,
Lady

Broke, I think you're in as deep a fog as your wife is. Your spouse has deliberately, cold-bloodedly decided to go have sex with another man in another city just because she can and you can't stop her. She said so. She's rubbing your nose in the slime, man. You don't think it's time to put your foot down? Huh? What kind of reasoning is that?

BTW, don't put this on God's shoulders. As my Grandmother used to say, God helps those who help themselves. I think you'd better take quick, decisive action just because it's the right thing to do or you're in for more hurt and humiliation than you can possibly imagine.

Longhorn -

"God helps those who help themselves". Can you give me a scripture reference for that? I'm pretty sure that it doesn't exist.

I am not putting this on God's shoulders. I am asking Him to show me what I need to do, to give me the strength to take care of it, and I will leave the rest up to Him. He knows what I want, and He knows what I need.

I'm going to have go through and collect questions and comments so I can more accurately reply to them later.