Can you be really specific with me about what you were doing? I think I am getting it right, but I have heard you are the one to "talk" to about Plan A.

When you went to Plan B, did you feel strong and hopeful because you had done an awesome Plan A and knew there was nothing more you could do? How long did their A last total? How long were you in Plan A before going to Plan B (I worry about the A getting "stronger" while I am Plan A'ing)?

Tips/advice/anything helpful is welcome <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

First, I developed a good understanding of the PRIMARY ENs that the OW was meeting..the needs that I had neglected..

Developed a PLAN to evidence my ability to meet those needs..

Plus, I went back to doing the things that attracted him to me in the first place...

REMEMBER: LOVE IS A VERB....

What do you think are your WH's PRIMARY ENs..

They may not be what you think...

Do you have a copy of HIS NEEDS HER NEEDS..I studied that alot...

I would say she made him feel admired, sexy, appreciated, and loved. There was some recreational companionship (said not in top 5) and conversation thrown in (they were friends first).

He filled out the EN a ways back. A few months ago said it was not entirely accurate though. In his original one, he said conversation was not in top 5.

SF- I have done well in this area

Affection- was not doing as well, but have gotten better lately. When I did not feel close, I would wait for him to approach me and so I would say I was inconsistent in this area

Attractive Spouse- I feel I have done well here (he agreed)

Domestic Support- have done well here (think she cannot hold a candle to me on this one)

Admiration- could do better, but have improved in this area (I can be a bit too critical, so this takes away from what I do right)

Main thing I have heard consistently is that he wants to know I really care about him and that these things are genuine and not forced. I think I have not done well in this area because I had been hurting so much and was so fearful of a false R. We did get closer over the months, and at the end, he seemed to have run out of things to complain about with regards to me, so I think I did a pretty good Plan A, but I feel it could have been better and that some of my LBs detracted from it. There is a very important area that is tied into admiration that I am working on more now. It is about improving me, regardless of what happens to my M.

Again, if you can give me specific examples, that would help me alot.

BTW- since he has left, he seems to be Plan A'ing me somewhat <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Hi Serene:

It would be helpful for me to have some more information in order for me to give specific suggestions.

How and when are your contacts with him?

So are you saying that ADMIRATION and AFFECTION are his PRIMARY ENs?

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

Can't post too many specifics here as I think he and OW lurk (is there a way we can communicate by e-mail or some other form?) I value your opinions and insight, if you are able to help me, I would be grateful. I love my H and want my M so much.

Lately, things have looked more hopeful. We mostly see each other for drop-offs and pick-ups with DS (H seems to hang out a bit as opposed to running off). He did spend some of X-mas with us and DS and I enjoyed that. It went very, very well. Since he left us, he has tried to spend time with me almost every week.

I would say those, and SF, are his top 3, yes. I am trying to meet them while we are separated, which is not easy, but I feel I did a fairly good Plan A before he left.

I don't do E-mails. I just seldom read them. One more thing to do in a busy day.

Let me know when you are coming on to change your member name...and say it's me..then delete the post...

Can you explain a little more about what you need me to do?

Change your screen name right now..Register as a new member..

Post a message saying: It's me.

When I respond, then delete the "It's me" message...

Serene:

Are you going to do this?

I've got to step away for a bit...

I cannot get it to work. How about I post under this name and delete it after?

You will probably have to log off first.

You mean to register?

YES to register, Serene.

This way you can be assured that no one will snoop.

Plus, you could then profit from the help of all of us and others can profit from you.

I agree it would help others and I would love to be here getting that help, but I am sure he expects me to be here, so the only way I can do this is by changing names a lot or not being very specific in my posts (which does not really help) <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

How can you be sure that he expects you to be here?
He might be playing you to keep you from posting here. I'm sorry, Serene. IMO, a WH wouldn't be as interested as you may think he is in your posts.

IMO, if you change your screen name, he would not be able to figure out who you are.

The important info. that I would share with you doesn't necessarily have to be that specific.

This is all so scripted. Most WSes are alike...

I'm just afraid that he is playing you...

Maybe so, but he knows I value this site a lot and he used to throw posts in my face. I would be shocked if he does not come here. Either way, if I give too many specifics, then he will know it is me. I want to get advice without worrying about that.

OOps. I thought you were Marshall...

Mimi, I have an idea if you are game. I have a private forum you can come to if you want to email me.

Thanks Melody. If you are willing Mimi, I would really appreciate it. I feel exposed when I am here and I really need the help.

Is that not a little TOO coincidental for your comfort??? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/crazy.gif" alt="" />