OF course it's article I read and not about me. I loved the article, it was in Glamour Magazine, the man who wrote it is an author and it's about his own life. So I just thought some of you may be able to relate.

Here's a brief summary that really doesn't do the article justice but it's the best I can do...

The article is about a man who couldn't seem to find the right woman to spend the rest of his life with. His first love was so close to that woman but decided that she did not want to marry her first love and wanted to date around, many other women followed, one woman he almost married and then realized he didn't love her, one woman he went out with only one night, completely captivated by her, they slept together, yet the next day she got up to leave and said she doesn't know why but she can't ever see him again. He felt sad, devastated and empty after that. He ended up rebounding and marrying a woman he barely knew while drunk in Vegas, and then learned during his marriage that he'd better "hide the kitchen knives" before bedtime every night.

When that marriage ended almost as soon as it began he went into a major retreat, moved to his parent's lake home in Wisconsin. It was a beautiful place. He eventually started enjoying his alone time. When he cooked a good dinner, he didn't get choked up because he was all alone, he savored it. He would often light a fire for ambience and capped it off with a hot bath and a good book.

Having come to the cabin profoundly for shaken by his divorce and on the verge of giving up his ideas of marriage, he learned a liberating lesson instead: He could be happy no matter how his romantic life turned out.

Not even looking during this time he met a woman about 6 years older than him and fell in love, he learned how wonderful a healthy relationship can be and yet he also learned that she had already had her children and he wanted his own family so eventually they broke up. He then met a woman that became first a very close friend, then later he was incredibly attracted to her grace and beauty and fell in love with her. They married and lived happily ever after...

Hope ya'll enjoyed the brief summary.

Anna

Thanks Anna. The article points out several important relationship truths: (1) Dating is so unpredictable! (2) We have to have a good relationship with ourselves first, and (3) Being friends first increases the chances of living happily ever after.

LetSTry, Very good points to the story! I think you can add 4. Keep an open mind, just because there is not that huge physical attraction at first, doesn't mean that it won't come as you get to know someone, and like you pointed out, a good way to do this is become friends first. Of course, I think you must have some small foundation to build on, and either that small flame will grow bigger or it'll fizzle out.

I think I failed to mention and I think it is interesting that in the story the guy said after his marriage he now spends a good part of his day marveling over how many qualities are in his wife that he wasn't even aware he was looking for before meeting her. At his wedding he gave a speach pointing out that he fell in love with his new wife as he watched her fold clothes, as she is so graceful even at doing the most mundane chore.

I never thought about this until now but this reminds me of two situations in my life. The Rocket Scientist guy I dated and the guy I am dating now. The Rocket Scientist I had a small attraction to him but he had a large attraction to me, if we would have kept it friendship first, maybe my attraction would have grown, as it was, I was so concerned about hurting him, instead of the small flame of attraction growing because he seemed to jump in way too fast for me, giving me a love songs CD on our third date, etc....the flame starting going out, mainly probably out of fear that I would end up hurting him and I ended up ending dating him quickly.

Then also my now boyfriend J. I think he had a small flame in the beginning but he admits now that early in our relationship he was concerned that the scales were unbalanced and that he would hurt me. So we started out dating first, then during the first 6 months breaking up and going back and forth, friends...dating...during one month at my request, not communicating at all, and then over the months the flame J had for me grew to more than just an attraction and in April he says he finally realized it was love, and now he tells me, shows me and writes me that I am his best friend, his lover, his everything and all he will ever need. I wonder if we wouldn't have at one point shared just a friendship if there would have been the same outcome. I have to say also, from what J tells me, during the times of me sitting friendship only bounderies it tortured him because he had such a huge urge to hold me and kiss me and knew he couldn't but it also allowed him to see how compatible we are in so many other ways, so maybe the friendship times even though we didn't start out friends, really helped the relationship grow.

Well, thanks for the very good and thought provoking points! Anna