We have supposedly been in recvery for about 4 years and I am concerned that it has not moved along. That is another story.

WH traded cars with me this morning because mine is bigger and he needed to haul some things. While I was on my way home (9 yr old son with me) I reached into the side pocket of the door to get out my son's wallet that I saw sitting there.

I pulled out a blister pack of 'STAMINA Rx Maximum Sexual Stimulant' dietarty supplements!!! OMG!!! The pack had originally contained two pills and they were both gone. I am shaking.

SF has been an issue between WH and I for awhile. Probably irrational, but since he has refused to sleep in the same room/bed with me, I actually put him off for SF for awile. However, as of last week, I stopped that and we have been having SF. But, what's up with the pills?!?!

He will be home soon....... what do I do? I am shaking so hard. Is he still having an A? If he is, I want him OUT!!! I have endured so much after the last A and over the past 4 years - if he is still carrying on an A, I am through.

PLEASE TELL ME WHAT TO DO!!

Take a deep breath!! Calm down. What if he got the pills to improve SF WITH YOU. You said you just rekindled that part of your relationship last week. Maybe he was worried about his performance.

How has recovery going otherwise? Are you in MC? Are you fullfilling eachother's other needs?

I'd lay it in the middle of the kitchen table and let him tell me about it.

Listen,,,LISTEN carefully to his explaination. You'll be suprised what you learn when you DON'T talk and JUST LISTEN!!!

It was not really a rekindling....... just that I stopped saying no.

The pills were in his car. He creeps into my bedroom in the morning when he wants SF, so why would the pills be in his car?

He supposedly ended the A about 3.5 years ago, but they still work at the same place.

Also, he goes to play poker every single Friday night with a group of people that I do not even know their names, have never heard a word from (no message on answering machine - nothing) and I have no idea where he goes. He leaves at 6pm and comes home at 1-2 am. Every Friday night. I hate it, but I am used to it.

On my other thread, I went through so much of what our relationship is like - looking for a way to improve it. This morning, when I read some of the recent responses, there were a few suggestions that maybe his A did not end or that he was having another.

That is why finding these pills is freaking me out.

ditto Nerly

but adding

keep your body language NEUTRAL while he talks

don't bring this up when you put the pills on the table

but

place a GPS in his car Friday nights

Recovery has been less than desirable. I won't go into all of it now, but after the last A, I tried everything and went to counseling for two years by myself. He would not go. All that matters to him is our kids. I am not important to him and I have learned to tolerate it - although I am extremely unhappy.

I am freaked out.

The directions say "take 1-2 tablets prior to sexual activity." I double that he would go out to his car in his boxer shorts at 5:30 am in the morning to get the pills if he were going to use them with me.

Sending hugs! My A radar is way up just by the little bit you wrote. I'd probably just lay the pills on the table and if I could, muster up my steeliest calm, and would say, "WTF's going on? And don't give me any bullsh** or I'm outta here yesterday!" Probably not very good advice, but I feel for you. CV

GPS - help me with that. What will that do and how do I use it?

Also, I did not discover his A last time. He told me about it after a year. So, obviously I am not good at figuring it out on my own.

***ditto Pep on the GPs***



This wouldn't be acceptable to me.... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

get the gps.

and do NOT be confrontational. ask him what do these mean to you?

hey guys...what are signs of lying? any nonverbal cues? (besides seeing the WS lips move)?

be pleasant. Know you're churning inside.

But if recovery is this rocky...then I think it needs more work...make it so!

I know how it will go if I ask him about it. HUGE Blowup. He will turn it around on me and say that I was wrong for snooping (even though I wasn't). He will get angry, verbal (lost of cursing), and will storm out. He will try to tell me that they are vitamins that he needs to keep his energy up for who knows what. Anything but what it is intended for.

Then he'll tell me that he doesn't trust me........ I've been here before. I am sick to my stomach.

I like the GPS idea. You need to start snooping again.
I am surprised that you would have been okay with the every Friday night game. I would think with his history you would have wanted some accountability and would want to know exactly where he is.

How is the recreational companionship with you going?

Have you both read about Harley's Point of Joint Agreement?
How about this?


Four Rules for a Successful Marriage

It sounds like neither of you did enough to affair proof your marriage after his last A.

I just made a copy of the package to keep - I know that when he sees the package he will take it. Then I won't have any evidence in the event that I need it down the road.

Is that OK?

Ok signs of lying - they will not look you in the eye -look to the left alot. Also when someone lies they try to convince you if the are telling the truth they tell you their story like a story not in bits and pieces.

You are all so right. I did everything possible that I could do on my own, but WH just kept telling me to wait and ould not participate in recovery. My couselor finally 'terminated' my sessions about 1.5 years ago because he felt like I had come a long way and that there was not much else he could do for me alone. He did not seem to think that there was an A going on and when I would talk to him about being bothered by the Friday night poekr game, he did not seem alarmed by it. So, that is why I got used to it. I KNOW it is not right, but I had a professional working with me who was not alarmed by it, so I thought I needed to be OK with it.

I think ,ine has been lying and confrontation is coming real soon. I have found out some other t6hings. I was thinking of saying to WH -don't you think someone might have seen you 2.???????? See what he says. Trap him

I am SO freaked out. Questioning my judgement. He has always been able to convince me that he has a reasonable explanation. I can always find a way in my mind to make what he tells me work, so I give him the benefit of the doubt.

Am I over-reacting here? I know I have done it before, so please - if this is not something to be upset about - set me straight. I don't want to blow up what marriage I do have over something I shouldn't.

GPS is a tracking system that you can put in his car. It will tell you exactly where he has been.

They are available at most any electronics store,,such as Radio Shack, Best Buy, etc. Pick a store to purchase one where they have sales help avaiable to explain the system, installation and all features.