You go girl. You have really blossomed through all this.

Have you thought of starting that thread on GPS?

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Hugs. Yes, you have to be strong and hit hard with evidence. He needs to hit rock bottom before he can recover. You need to start divorce IMHO because he thinks he has you controlled and can walk all over you. He must be feeling very smug that he has fooled you, but he is the fool. Talk to that attorney, put some money aside and make sure that when you expose that the school knows about this. They have been carrying on an affair at a ?PUBLIC school. I'd bet kids know. Good luck we are all here for you.

You are doing really great -now just be the actress you are. Smile talk softly and if he asks if anything is wrong just say you nare not feeling weel and going to the doctors this week. Over tired ect. Tummy's been a little off.
Now please tell your attorney about his temper and your fears. Please -tell about him sleeping in other bedroom as well -this may be seen as abuse by the courts. She will be able to help you with this. But be sure you record it all.

WTW,

I am very impressed by your strength. You are an amazing person. Your kids are very lucky to have a great mother like you.

Best of luck and God bless you and your children.
October

WTW, it is amazing what we find out about ourselves when we really realize and see how we've been screwed over. When we finally can see how clearly the line has been crossed. When the love of our children shines through and we know in our gut "enough is enough". I am tearing up for you because of your pain, and I'm applauding you at the very same time for your incredible strength! Sending a big hug! CV

I called my attorney and I have an appt set up with her for Wednesday of this week. One step at a time, right?

I guess tha gives me a reson to keep my mouth shut and my attitude in check for a few more days. Until then, I will do things like move money and gather bills. I also think I need to consider cancelling our joint credit cards, although that will be a big clue that something is up.

Unless say....you lost your wallet...then you HAVE to cancel them!

about your moodiness ... mention to your H that you realize you've been rather moody and you are thinking of going to the Dr to have your hormones checked ... that will both satisfy and confuse him, and he will give you some "space' to be moody

men fear our hormones ya know <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

Haha - This is getting good. Imagine being in your WH's place and noticing that something seems to be "wrong" with your BS. You have the power now. Stay in control.

Hi Jerry,

Almost didn't see your post, this thread is cruising. No 2x4/1x1 just some healthy debating. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Not sure what you were quoting? It looks like my sig line.

What *I* am saying is no one can stop another from their actions/choices even if that includes running out to a Lawyer and starting D proceedings.Sure we can all hope there will be that one last chance for each and every one of us but let's be realistic.At the point a spouse is on the D path,the best the S can do IMO is the divorce busting 180 and try to remain calm, non-pressuring and protect themselves and family too.

This is a message board and it's ALL about our own opinions and musings.I was giving my opinion and did remind her she had her own choice to make,as do we all.

Some people have it in them to forgive and take back a WS that cheats on them again and again.I do not subscribe to that idea.Adultery is so extremely painful I cannot fathom staying with a WS that did that to me AGAIN.Of course,there have been other's here who have done that and it was either a tragic mistake or they went on to have a better marriage, for the time being anyway.

But again,let's be realistic.Every person here is giving their own opinion on what is going on.If we have to start "walking around on eggshells" so as not to offend anyone by our thoughts then why bother having this site? I'm sure wtw knows we only want the best for her after all she has been through and will decide for herself what is right.

O

OK- crisis again…………… I need some input.

WH just called me at work a short while ago. He wanted to ‘talk.’ The basic gist of what he said was that he had a major wake-up call at his friends funeral on Saturday. That he has been very unhappy with himself for a while and he wants to change. He wants to become a person that he likes and that people can be proud of. He wants to get back to the way things were with us before all this happened. He wants to go to marriage counseling. Etc.

He also said that he needed to tell me he was sorry for lots of things. He said he has made changes in himself – both internal and external – although when I pressed him for what they were, he would not say. He just told me that I needed to trust him. I told him I couldn’t.

The conversation did not really elicit emotion from me. Just confusion. Here I am – I have finally made a decision and am taking action that I am comfortable with……. Now he makes me doubt that. I personally don’t think that I can get over what he has done for me. But, if he wants to do better, then I feel bad for what a divorce will do to my kids.

Advice here? I could use some.

Either way, I suspect that he knows that I have discovered what has been going on. I am thinking that the confrontation will come anytime……… I really had to bite my tongue in the conversation just now. I don’t think I can do it again.


UPDATE: He just called again to 'invite' me home for lunch today (he is at home with the kids since school is out). Said it is part of making changes. ?!?!?!??

Stick to your plan for now

Track him next Friday

Willing2wait,

I read this entire thread last night and I feel horribly for you. You deserve so much more and I have been praying for you. Your kids will be better off without seeing a disfunctional marriage (ie: sleeping in different rooms, no affection, etc) That is not normal, and you don't want to portray a marriage like this to your children. I know that is #1 hurdle for you, understandably, but don't worry. They will be fine...just make sure you encourage and allow them to see both of you as equally as possible. That is the only thing I hated about my parents getting divorced...my dad fell off the planet.

Regarding this "invite for lunch" thing. Consider this....

He is home, you are at work...
he snoops...sees a journal of yours?
he snoops...sees marriage builders website in the history of the computer you are using to post on here?
he snoops....notices that the PJ pants are moved?
he snoops...sees tissues near your bed (from crying)
he snoops...finds the GPS or recorder??

keep in mind...he is home alone with plenty of time, and he is suspicious of you lately...he could very well have this figured out.

Also, the funeral was saturday. It is now Monday. Why couldn't he have this heart to heart with you on Sunday after church or something?

Keeps your eyes and ears open. Don't let this creep fool you. You are way smarter and wayyyy better than that.

Be neutral

and hold your cards close to your vest

This s*cks. Why make me question my resolve NOW?!?!?!?

It is amazing to me how these active WSs change their tune when they think the gig is up. H began the truth-telling when I think he knew somewhere in his gut I was planning on leaving him.

There are people here WTW that really can advise you much better than I. So take whatever I say with a grain of salt. None of this changes anything except that your H on some level knows you are through with his sh**. He has still treated you like a piece of crap for the past 4 yrs after he devestated you once before. I would stonewall him if you can. Maybe tell him at some point you know you need to talk, but right now you're just not up for it. Ya know, those hormones and all. Continue with your plan. Meet with your lawyer, gather evidence, etc. If in fact he really realizes at some point what a total dumba** he's been, and he doesn't want to lose you or break up his family, and YOU might want him back, let him take all the steps to earn you back. JMVHO! CV

Well, what a coincidence!!!! He gets caught by the GPS, and now decides he wants to make amends and fix the marriage. This guy is slick.

oooooorrrrr.... heh heh heh... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

you could act really sweet, thankful, and happy that he wants to get your marriage back on track....make him call the woman that he is having an affair with...make him tell her that he loves you, that their affair is over and he wants to get his life back on track with his wife. Thennnn...dump his a$$ and he'll be kicked to the curb with no where to go. Maybe wait a little while before kicking him to the curb so that the other woman has enough time to move on and not take him back again.

just a thought....hehe....i hate this man and want him to suffer so bad. so bad. whatever you do...dont take him back. once a cheater always a cheater. Even if he never cheated again, the damage is done...you will always be hurt by his affairs and I guarantee you will have a very hard time ever truely moving forward and trusting him 100%.

Good luck, lots of hugs for you <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Mr. WTW - If you are reading here, might as well come and join in.