Well, Alph, I guess it's hard to say,(if he'll ever be nice again). It is hard to totally disconnect when there are kids to consider.

I think your STBX is still in the "la la" phase. It will wear off and get old!

Enjoy your independence!! It's a great feeling!

do people actually come out of this fog and realize what they have done?

Most do, I think, but some don't.

I don't think my STBX ever will, and even if he does he'd rather live in misery with the OW than admit to anyone he's made a terrible mistake, or - heaven forbid - apologise!

Alph.

I have to agree with that Alph, my X too will not admit mistake, and if she has in the past was not remorseful.

My x left her kids behind, so I wonder as a woman, will she someday regret the choices she has made after OM dumps her for someone new?

This is an intersting thread Jennifer.It does bring to light positive issues and feelings,something needed on this board.

I can truly say that this D was the right move for me.I filed after my WH would not stop contact with his homewrecker.I haven't changed much although a lot of what other's are saying here sounds familiar.I have always had a clear sense of who I am and what is right and what I want,even since age 4 it was a strong feeling.

So,after the extreme pain of the betrayal subsided,I knew what I had to do.I feel good about my life and my girls and I always felt good when I am alone,I like my own company! LOL.What happened to us shouldn't have happened but it did and I am trying my best to keep our lives simple,secure and happy.It's working so far.

What I don't have to put up with anymore since my WH has been out of the house(and are positve aspects):

-no irritable man in my life
-no trying to make a marriage work when the OW in my own home was the computer(in addition to homewrecker)
-no one in the driveway revving the car when on our way to see family
-peace and calmness in the home
-no more dealing with the toxicity of this man and his cheating,painful actions and selfish behavior(OW can have him)
-no more conflict
-more room in my new bed
-no more dirty socks everywhere
-no more asking for help.He did very little so it makes no difference to be alone
-no more anxiety due to his presence

The list goes on actually.I still get melancholy every so often at what happened and what could have been but I always bounce back.I am making the best of what was done to me and our families.What was clear is that I do not care what this man does or thinks or cares about anymore.I am done with all that.It seems weird after being married 15+ years but it was a necessary break.I do not like who my STBXWH has become and I do not want to know him anymore.He is neither worthy of me or my friendship.I do not respect him.So,after this D is finally done,he will hear very little from me at all.Much like now.

Anyway,glad to hear you are recovered too,personally. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

O

Octobergirl, I'm so glad you posted! It's stories like these that give hope to others in the recovery process! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> It lets people know, that there IS life after divorce, and it doesn't have to be bad.

Just being rid of the anxiety, alone, is a HUGE difference.

Anyway, it sounds like you're on the right path! Keep on that path, and you'll go MANY miles!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

Take Care...

Jennifer68

I consider my bad marriage a "learning" experience! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Yes yes yes yes! there are so many gain to the big D! it is unbelieveable. From having emotional serubity restored to your self to finding the power within yourslef to face everyday knowing full well that you are completey capable of handleing whatever is thrown your way. It is a total breath of fresh air.

But i do also know that there are some down sides to being by yourself the bills and such. If you have any problems with this situation, not sayong that you will but if you do so happen to, because my sister was just resently divorced and she ran into some turmoil with her finanical situation this web page www.lifeafterdivorce.com is an excellent way to help settle your obligations to yourself.

Have fun enjoy your new life and go big D!

Thanx, Janr! We can use all the help and info. we can get!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />