You said:



I don't think you understood my question.... allow me to repeat ... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

I did not tolerate chronic disrespect in my marriage. Did you?

If we are deciding that sex outside of marriage might be considered chronic disrespect, I agree.

Did you tolerate such disrespect, once it was known to you?

Tolerate ~~~> to suffer to be or to be done without prohibition, hindrance, or contradiction b : to put up with

In respect to the original poster to whom I directed my remarks:

She tolerated for years her husband NOT sleeping in her marital bed. This waves a very [color:"red"]red flag [/color] in front of my nose .... [color:"red"] about her [/color] NOT about her husband. Any person who tolerates and suffers this insulting indignity to her marriage ... might also consider other abuses by her husband to be 'within normal range' .... Abuses may be agressive or passive in nature.

It is my opinion that she ought to be warned [color:"red"] about her own willingness to sabotage her marriage by making non POJA sacrifices [/color] .

I am certain you would not recommend that either.

I did not want to threadjack her discussion now that her situation is becoming very critical.

Hence, 'hi-dere' to YOU

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

*bump*

pep wrote

don't think you understood my question.... allow me to repeat ...

I did not tolerate chronic disrespect in my marriage. Did you?

If we are deciding that sex outside of marriage might be considered chronic disrespect, I agree.

Did you tolerate such disrespect, once it was known to you?

Tolerate ~~~> to suffer to be or to be done without prohibition, hindrance, or contradiction b : to put up with

In respect to the original poster to whom I directed my remarks:

She tolerated for years her husband NOT sleeping in her marital bed. This waves a very red flag in front of my nose .... about her NOT about her husband. Any person who tolerates and suffers this insulting indignity to her marriage ... might also consider other abuses by her husband to be 'within normal range' .... Abuses may be agressive or passive in nature.

It is my opinion that she ought to be warned about her own willingness to sabotage her marriage by making non POJA sacrifices .

I am certain you would not recommend that either.

I did not want to threadjack her discussion now that her situation is becoming very critical.
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i believe that your rubbing her nose in her past mistakes is wrong. she does NOT need a warning. she has learned an invaluable lesson and does not need your or anyone else telling her what she did wrong right now!!!! being condisending in her thread is not acceptable either!!

Your candor and clarity is much appreciated --- thanks.

I will figure out what my job is --- as usual. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

OK....... let's not take good intentions and make something else from them. The comments from both of you are invaluable to me.

Yes.. Pepperband, you are right. I have tolerated what is basically abuse for years and I have done my part to enable the situation to continue. Not becuase I didn't know it was wrong, but because I didn't have the guts to change it. Tolerating one thing made it easier to tolerate and excuse another, and then another, and so on.

For my part, I have to work to make sure that I do NOT accept less than I deserve. That is something I have done my whole life. I heed your warning!

2334pem.... I appreciate your kindness and the fact that you are concerned about my feelings. You are right, I don't want to hear about what I did wrong right now. I already know.



If things only had one side, they would be quite flat.

WTW

Wow, do you think we could be long lost sisters?