Is your spouse having an affair, RLD?

vet,

try Plan A right now even if you have no evidence for an affair, it can never do any harm!

Even if it might be difficult, stop asking him questions.
This way, you won't get "ticked off". (neither will he)

Also make sure to express "positive" thoughts towards him. Even the smallest "compliments" will get him thinking.....and if he is having an affair, it will surely get him thinking. (even if it's only for a short moment.)

I'm saying this because during my husbands affair, I would hug him and give him a loving kiss and he told me "long after" that this really got to him. It just didn't fit into his "fog thinking". I hope you understand what I am trying to say.

During his affair, he wanted to "believe" that I didn't love him and this was his way to "justify" his affair and when I was loving towards him it just didn't fit into his thoughts and was very confusing for him It surely got him "wobbling".

If it turns out that there is "no" affair, it will do no harm if you are positive and loving towards him.

hugs
bb

PS: keep on snooping for your sake!!

God, This is so hard! Yesterday I received 6 more months of Alltel bills. Yep, He's been talking to her since June 2004! He asked me "what was wrong?" last night (I cannot hide my feeling and was really sad). I said "nothing" and he said "What, did you get more cell phone bills?" I told him "Yes, and I see it went on another 6 months".
It went really bad, we got into an argument and he said that tomorrow he is cancelling all three cell phones. (his, mine and my DD-21 with a 15 month old GS) I told him that I didn't care, I only use my cell phone for emergancies anyway. My WH could not live without his cell phone, if he cancels them then I can honestly say that he will get another that I won't know about.
All the bills that come to the house are in my name. Electric, phone, cable, etc... I'm sorry, but I was thinking of how funny it would be to cancel everything!!!! The little devil in me!
I don't know how to cope, how can I go on day to day pretending everything is ok? This is how he wants it, I know my husband, he will call this morning and pretend that nothing has happened... I play along and then he gets mad when I bring something up. "Why is everything ok for a couple of days and then you'll blow up again??"
The digital recorder was nothing but static yesterday when I checked it, Must have had it right by a speaker! Tomorrow before he goes bowling I will put it under the passengers front seat. Hugs and prayers needed!

Vettech,
I used one in my husband's truck last summer. I put it under the passenger's seat. It did pick up voices and I heard things that nailed it down for me, but the majority of the conversation was inaudible.
Location is very important. Also try it our ahead of time. Put it in your car or just talk into it to see its sensitivity. Just the car noise can interfere.

I put it in the H's truck at around 8:00am and then got it out of his truck the next day around 12 noon. It had stopped recording cause the battery had died, but the recording was still there.

Good luck!

Where do I put it? Tonight is bowling night!!

This is taken from an earlier thread from JustKeepTrying.



It is hard to say without looking at the vehicle. Just make sure that it is secure and out of site. Good luck.

Oh boy, he's gone off bowling with the OW. The digital recorder is under the passenger seat and I am a nervous
wreck!

vet!!!!!

please give us an update.

hugs
bb

He found it, I don't know how. The battery was missing. I went and got it this morning when he got it the shower
(5:15 am). I put another battery in it and it was blinking 5:38, eight minutes after he left yesterday!!
He didn't say a word about it last night when he got home.

Is it at all possible that the battery cover opened by itself? It sounds strange, I know, but I have the same model and when I put it out I put tape across the battery cover because the spring action on the hinge of it is so tight that it has popped open while I have had it running. The battery has never flown out of it but maybe it popped open and then when he made a turn or something the battery slid out. Can you check the area carefully to see if the battery is lying around?

When he gets home from work I'll try to look for it....
Stupid thing!

You DID turn off the beep right? Also, mine has a little red light on the end when it is in use and I put a piece of black electrical tape on it so it isn't flashing in the dark.

How do you turn off the beep? I fiddled with it and thought I did, but it beeped when I turn off or on.

When you go through the menu on mine the first option is "mode". That is where you choose HQ (high Quality), SP (slow play), LP (lond play) etc. The next option is "Va Wa" that is voice activation. You want that to say ON. The next menu option is "beep". You want that to say NO. Then I put a fresh LITHIUM battery in it, a piece of scotch tape over the batter cover, check to see that the red light is covered completely with electrical tape and push the recorder button. When it is on, in voice activation mode , the screen is flashing "VA WA" when it is picking up sound.

Also, I can't hear very much from the speaker of the recorder. I use those cheap earphones from my portable CD player and can hear MUCH better.

Hope that helps

vet,
just wanted to ask if everything is ok???

bb

This is my first chance to post back. I checked under my husbands passenger seat and low and behold there was the battery! Scared the crap out of me for nothing!
Here's the update, I didn't need (and hopefully won't) the
digital recorder. I got angry with him over the phone when he called Friday morning. He has been hiding his pay stubs for the past year, and I started asking him about them. He got really angry and said I wasn't getting his G** D*** pay stubs! While home for lunch he called twice and again several times after I got home from work. On about the 6th call, I finally answered. He said, So Your finally going to answer the phone? I told hime I was leaving for the weekend and that our DS would be spending the night with his cousins, my sisters house. He could pick him up after work on Sat.
WH didn't go to work Sat. He stayed home, he didn't pick up DS until 8 pm on Sat. He called everyone I know several times asking if they had seen me and for me to please call him! How do I know all this? I was 2 doors down at another sisters house, I watched his every move!
I went home Sunday at noon, The first thing out of his mouth was "Well, did you have a good weekend?" I ignored him and went to the bathroom and was going to take a shower. I didn't need one, I had already had one, but needed time to think and get away from him for a moment. He was knocking on the door. Open the door, please let me in! I opened the door and he said that he would do anything I wanted. He will quit bowling on Wednesday nights, he will bring home his pay stubs, anything, just tell me what you want! I was crying and said yes quit, yes bring home the pay stubs and quit lying to me!
He told me that he had gone out looking for me several times, checking out the hotel parking lots and book stores. I was at my sisters probably 80% of the time and he never left the house except to get our DS at 8 pm on Sat. night. I don't believe he went anywhere.
That's were we are now, I guess we'll see Wednesday.

Hard to read in your posting, but perhaps you're a bit glad to have had that occurrence? If so, good for you. I hope I'm not being negative if I say that for me, that wouldn't change much. I would still not take what he says at face value. I would continue with the recorder. Perhaps tape the cover shut so the battery won't fall out?

Dear weneedhelp
Yes, I agree with you. If he goes bowling Wednesday night to
"Let them know that he's quitting" the digital recorder will be in his truck and I will be in a friends car in the parking lot!

VT,

I would recommend you go to Radio Shack and get a lapel microphone (very small). You could hide the recorder anywhere in the car, locate the mic somewhere it will pick up the audio better. Also set the recorder to (HQ High Quality) the batteries will not last long enough to bother setting to a lesser quality. Unless you can convince your WH to change them for you (Sorry, bad joke).

If Radio Shack doesn't have them try Office Depot, etc..

Link for Lapel Mic

Justkeeptrying
Your funny! When hubby gets in the shower I'll put the recorder in his car. If I don't get a good reception then I will take it back and get a GPS tracking system. Does anyone know if radio shack sells them and if so, what are they called?
Thanks for all your help guys, I really appreciate it and am soooo glad I found this site!