You need to make the decision based on your own judgements, not his. And let him know, that your reason for going to church, is NOT to meet men, but to strengthen your relationship with God. Something we ALL need to to. You can't make the decision for him to go, but you can for yourself. And I think you should.

I'm sorry, I know this is a bad spot for you to be in. Just hang in there, and trust God.

Jennifer

I really don't know what's going on and don't really know what I should do next.

I haven't been to my church since 1/22/06. I've been a couple of Sun mornings to another church. The problem is that my H has given me so much grief over going b/c of guy he thinks is OM. There wasn't a R there but he thinks there was b/c I talked to OM (divorced guy). Anyway, now he says I should go to church b/c that's where I want to be. Says if I can't go w/o talking to guy that I myself need to know that. That I need to know if I have unresolved feelings for this guy.

I feel that if I go to my church he will use that as an excuse to talk to OW or 2ndEXW.

We went to MC last week and have appt for this week. He knows how I feel about church but will not go to any other church w/me. I've even asked him to come to my church w/me and he won't. He keeps saying that he is going to get back into church (he stopped going about 3 years ago and we met while both in church) but he makes no move toward that. I don't know if he has gone so far so long w/o being in church that he doesn't care to or what.

Every Sunday he makes plans to do stuff w/everyone but me and my D. Today he is going to the OWs parents' home. She is supposed to not be there. He asked me if I was going to go there and make a scene. Told him "no". I could easily ride over there but I still wouldn't know if she was there or not. The story from my H is that the OWs mother told her that she thought she was starting to develop feelings for my H. OW told her mother "no". But, later she told my H that she was.

The OWs parents think I'm a nut b/c I found out where they live and went there to find H. They don't know the whole story and all the lies my H told about that whole situation. Asked him today if I would always be barred from there or if at some point he would stop going. He said I could go now but that he thought it best to let things blow over.

Problem is I don't know what is truth and what is a lie regarding anything he says they or the OW have said or done. They could be totally in the dark about the whole thing and I wouldn't know.

He keeps telling me he loves me and is willing to go to counseling but, we spend no time together. Saturday and Sunday he plans stuff w/his kids or to go to OWs parents, etc. Never says anything about us doing anything together.

His cousin has told me that maybe he is keeping me hanging on b/c of insurance on himself and his D. He told me a couple of weeks ago that his D is sick (not lifethreatening) and will need medications and medical care for some time to come. She is on my insurance.

Also, my H could not make it (in current lifestyle) on the $ he makes from company. He relies heavily on my income.

Just got off phone w/him. We've talked several times this morning. It's almost like he keeps calling just to make sure I haven't gone to church. We just got into an argument over OM. No reason for it. It's almost like he wants to get mad so he can be "justified" in talking to OW.

I told him that nothing that he had ever done truly justified me talking to OM. I never had a R w/him but talking to him was wrong b/c my H objected. I also told him that nothing that I had done justified him talking to OW or his EXW. Told him that he could rationalize it all day long but it was wrong and he knows it.

He immediately started getting mad saying maybe I could see OM today when I went to lunch w/family after church. Maybe he would be wherever they went. Then, said he had to go b/c talking about it was making him mad. Told him I understood; makes me mad too to think of all the lies he has told me. He said all that was my fault. Sorry, I'm not taking the blame anymore.

I did feel that his first A was all my fault. Now I know differently. I didn't do anything to justify or cause what he did.

Basically he was trying to push my buttons but I wasn't listening. I can do the tit for tat stuff all day long.

Anyway, I don't really know where we are or what's going on. He's willing to go to counseling and stay married but spends no scheduled time w/me. I'm there every day picking up D after school and doing company work but, we don't go anywhere together that is planned like out to eat (except w/his cousin) or to church or stuff like that.

What does anyone else think about this? If you need more specifics, I can provide. I'm just wondering what on earth is going on and am I being incredibly stupid for not going to plan D.

L2S,

First, let me tell you, it won't matter whether you go to your own church, and speak to OM or not, your H will continue to be in contact with OW and XW2. He's just trying to find a way to validate it.

And if he does depend on you for your part of the income and insurance, I'd say that's what is keeping him around, and to still continue to mess with your head, and make you feel that YOU are responsible for every bad thing happening in his life, along with justifying his current actions.

L2S, we have also seem to have gotten away from the very important and concerning part of this situation, and that is the abuse part of this. We've gotten very caught up in what is he doing?; is he talking with OW or XW?; who is present at OW's parents home? And what impressions are her parents under? ect, ect...

Let's try, and remember these areas. This is the part that needs the most attention.

I'm not trying to bring up the painful part of this, but I do think this is just as important as the rest, if not more. And what your daughter could percieve as acceptable behavior.

Hang in there, and keep posting, L2S.

Jennifer

Yeah, I agree. He has some major anger issues that he needs to address regardless of our outcome. I'm getting really ansy (don't even know if I spelled that right). Every weekend he has something else to do. Today, went to OWs parents' home. Talked to him earlier and he was watching the race w/them. Just called me to say he would be there a while longer; it's almost 8:30pm now.

That really aggravates and hurts. He's spent all day w/them, no time w/me and next week he'll be complaining that he has no time to do anything. House is dirty, laundry piling up, etc. But, the biggest part to me is he has spent no time w/me.

So, I don't know. He isn't pushing divorce, he's willing to go to counseling and we do go some places together but we don't go to church together and on weekends we spend no time together unless it's work related.

I really don't know how to read this or what to think. So, my mind starts wandering to him just using me.

L2S, I want to suggest counseling, just for you, alone. To address these issues of abuse, and why it has become an acceptable way of life for you. And also, to help you to feel better about yourself, so you don't continue to allow this type of behavior any where near you.

Was your last relationship abusive? Verbal, emotional, physically or financially? I'm just curious.

As far as MC, that is fine, as long as you remember that you can lead a horse to water, but you can't make it drink. I think you should just focus on yourself, at this point. You need to dig DEEP down inside yourself, and and find what it is that is buried within you.

As I've mentioned before, I do not advocate divorce, but there are some acceptions that need to be taken seriously, and this is one of them.

It's disturbing to see that the only reflection of your life is from him, and what's going on in his head, and what his next move is going to be.

I'm a co-dependent, and I can see some strong signs of this in you. Al-Anon taught me alot. But there are other groups that address co-dependency, as well. If nothing else, go to a second hand store, and search for these books. One is called "Co-Dependent No More", and there are others that I have forgotten the names of. But there are many. You can even research it on the internet.
I can send you a few links on this, if you are interested.

Anyway, let me know how you are doing, and if you want those links. Take Care...Jennifer

Yes, please send links. You're right and it really bothers me that so much of my life and energy is focused on a man who is totally self-absorbed. The MC is being done initially by ourselves; 30 min w/him and 30 w/me. The MC thought we would make more headway that way rather than a session together of he said she said.


No, I don't think the abuse is warranted and I don't want to keep living like that. Funny (in a sad way) thing is, his son is a carbon copy.

My first marraige was not anything like this. I was married to a happy-go-lucky kind of guy that just didn't want to settle down and be a family. He wanted to spend his time with his drinking/drugging buddies. But, we never had the type R I have w/this one. But, I never loved the other one like this one either.

Next MC session is tomorrow. I plan to give him a laundry list of all the stuff that has gone on and that I have issues with. Easier to put on paper than remember in counseling. Also, I plan to ask him if he can find out from my H exactly what he wants and if this M is what he wants and exaactly what is going on. Don't know if he will or not. I'm just very curious as to what is going on w/him.

Oh, will check in this evening if I can. PCs at work are closely monitored and I can no longer go on line from there. Don't need to lose my job!!

Take care.

Ok, here are just a few. Co-dependency was originally labeled on people who were affeceted by an alcoholic or addict of some kind. But the defination has expanded in a wider variety, because it can affect more than just one area of life.

These links will describe what co-dependency is, and what the traits are. It would be good to get familiar with this, then decide if you fall into any of these categories. Read the second one, first.

http://www.nmha.org/infoctr/factsheets/43.cfm

http://www.recoveryresources.org/codependency.html

http://ezinearticles.com/?Co-Dependency&id=1494

Just an idea, L2S. After looking at these links, (especially the 2nd one), go back and look over some of your posts, and see if you can pick out some of these characteristics.

Just a thought...

Hi,

after reading your posts I wanted to comment to you some things. English is not my 1st language so please excuse my mistakes.

1. Your daughter is in danger. Your SS and SD are giving her not so good examples. Your husband might be incapable of hurting her now, but as his abuse has escalated it could be that there comes a time when he could say mean things to her, or do something hard to repair. Please don´t close your eyes to the fact that youngerst, male and female nead the close watch of the parents especially in unhealthy or volatile enviroments.

2.You have some time now in this site and you have the basic books. However, it´s not noticiable that you are digesting the information and the knowlege this site and those books offer. (Sorry if this sounds harsh, I´m trying to explain a point). In some of your posts you wonder why some cases have a solution. I think that sometimes what makes the difference is the attitude towards the info that is offered here and the ability and desire to put it in practice.

You have to learn and learn fast and start applying the information little by little.

I was in a very emotional and verbal abusive relationship for 8 years, from my 16 to 24 I´m now 38. What I have had to learn through the years after that relationship is what things in me attracted me to some one who could abuse me. To stop been a victim I had to learn how no to put myself in a situation in which I could be victimized.

You have to realise that the way you think, your mental and emotional process to make sense of experiences is failed, temporarly and is not helping you. It has not helped you along these years, you are reacting from a position of fear and to stop fearing you have to have knowlege about ways to solve your problems. What I see is that instead of trying to apply the ideas that have been offered to you, you keep doing the same kind of analysis that you made when you arrived here. The way you analyse things has to change as well as the way you act and react.

I know my words sound like if I felt I knew all, I don´t, I´m trying to offer you my point of view.

I´m going to mention to you some basic concepts that have been offered to you. These are not well intentioned advice, these are strategies that have worked for many people.

Learn about the dynamic of and affair, learn about the behavior of the WS. Apply that knowlege to the way you interact with him: One is your spouse, another person is the WS, while your spouse keep seen the OW don´t treat your WS as your spouse, you can´t open your heart to him, you can´t make negotiation, learn about the concept of fog and bable and stop reacting and analyzing every word he says, that will take you nowhere, you are loosing your time every time WS says something and you analyze it.

Apply the knowlege to make a plan.
Don´t allow your self to say that you are confussed or that you don´t know what to do. With the knowlege that you have found here, in the books and in therapy you have to take yourself out of the confusion and let the knowlege settle.

Make a plan.

1 Protect your daughter and your self from interacting in volatile situation.
2 Have all financial documentation with you. All valuable objects with you.
3 Have everything ready to change your bank accounts.
4 Have everything ready to ask for a legal separation to protect your assests.

5 Stop obssesing with his activities and the OW, work on your plan.

6 Tackle the bullying the black mailing and and the acusations involving, very few but trusted people.
.Tell the terapist what you did and what your husband is doing with the information. Say that you expect his understanting, of your husband, and confidentiality, don´t spare the terapist of the details your husband has been using this information against you. Be open to hear in front of the terapist the ways that info could have affected your husband. Find a solution, either he stops treateaning you or... Decide what will be or no acceptable if he keeps using that info or discussing it in an unhealthy way.

-Talk to your pastor, ask for his intervention concerning the acusations of an affair with the church member. Let the Minister talk to your husband, maybe with you present and the om present. In front of the minister ask your husband apologies for having a friendship that made him feel uncomfortable. It is important that in a very calm, and respectful way, in front of your husband, you tell the minister that you have felt very sad or stressed that it seems people in the church are talking to your husband about your behavior, and that he, your husband want to confront them all... I hope I´m explaing my self. You need to adresss everysituation that is causing you stress and fear, asking the help of professionals in a way that the behavior of your husband comes to the light, without been rude or disrespectful, just saying the facts and the way it is afecting you.

It´s very important that your husband see that you are not alone, that there are resources and that there are honorable people that can help you and respect you.

You have to understand, considering the info about affairs that is mentioned in this site, that you won´t be able to adress your marital problems until the affair EA or PA is finished. You have to understand this yourself, and follow the plan A.

Plan A is tricky and you have to read and understand it.
I won´t tell you what is plan A, but it is not working on your marriage, it is working on you. During this time you have to learn to stop all converstation about the marriage, the problems the past, the acusation, and concentrate in improving yourself, comunicating in a healthy way and ending the affair.

Learn to make the conversation with your husband shorter, don´t ask him about every little detail of his emotional life, refuse to be abused in the phone. Don´t go into his games. All he says that someone says about you, most of that is a game. He´s lieying and playing with you. Don´t give importance to that and when ever you can tackle the information, corroborate it. Expose his games as classy and calm as possible, not in an obvious way but clear and with witness.

Stop the fear, stop the chaos. It is in you not in him, not in the situation. You have the power to change what you feel.

If your emotions are draining you please visit your doctor. It would help you to go through this difficult time.

Every time your emotions tell you that you love him, answer to yourself: so what, many people around the workd, young and all go to jail, get in drugs or problems because they loved someone. Love him won´t redemp you from the responsability you have to you and to your daughter.

Only you can say if the financial situation is draining your resources and jeopardising your future and the one of your daughter but all along the process always keep your best interest in mind. Your daughter has to go to college, you want to travel when you are retired, if he gets desperate he may try to get as much as possible from you.

Finally, I have the impression that because you are a devoted christian you keep a kind of subsiervent relationship to your husband, maybe that is not the word but you keep asking him what he wants you to do and all that. Stop, while he is involved with OW you can´t grant your husband the same consideration that you would if he were not with her and if he were not abusing you verbally.
Take distance, use your time wisely in things that would improve you and your situation, do the minimum with the company if you have to but don´t be his maid. Be corteus, be gracius, but keep your distance.

If because you don´t do his paper work and you don´t do his laundry he ends with another woman, consider yourself liberated from a very selfish, unhappy and abusive man.

Excuse me again for my bad English, wrong spelling and too direct way of writting. I sincerly hope to see the tone of your posts change. It would the moment you realise that it is you who is allowing this abuse, fortunately, it is you who can stop it. Over all protect your daughter.

Best wishes

Pulling this back up...

Again...

Jennifer,
I went to the second link first.

HELLO. MY NAME IS LIFE2SHORT AND I AM CO-DEPENDENT!!!!

I saw a lot of my traits on the three sites. Those are:

Your struggle affects my serenity. My mental attention focuses on solving your problems/relieving your pain
My mental attention is focused on you
My mental attention is focused on protecting you
My self-esteem is bolstered by solving your problems
My self-esteem is bolstered by relieving your pain
The dreams I have for my future are linked to you
My fear of rejection determines what I say or do
My fear of your anger determines what I say or do
I use giving as a way of feeling safe in our relationship
I put my values aside in order to connect with you
The quality of my life is in relation to the quality of yours


An exaggerated sense of responsibility for the actions of others.
A tendency to confuse love and pity, with the tendency to “love” people they can pity and rescue.
A tendency to do more than their share, all of the time.
A tendency to become hurt when people don’t recognize their efforts.
An unhealthy dependence on relationships. The co-dependent will do anything to hold on to a relationship; to avoid the feeling of abandonment.
Lack of trust in self and/or others.
Fear of being abandoned or alone.
Difficulty identifying feelings.
Lying/dishonesty.
Poor communications
Difficulty making decisions.

I definitely see myself. I know that I can make it on my own. I was 28 before my first marriage. I made it successfully by myself after divorce. I "know" in my head that I don't need anyone. I like myself and often like being by myself. But, I see a lot of unhealthy characteristics that describe how I am in this current relationship.

My work has a employee assistance program at no charge for the first 5-6 visits. I was going to talk about my problems w/H. Now, I think I'll use that time wisely to explore how to escape this self-imposed trap.

You have no idea how independent I can be and apparently I've forgotten that as well.

I do want to be in a stable committed relationship. I just need to get myself to a better place. I can see all the signs and I know that what I'm doing isn't healthy for me or my D or my H for that matter.

I don't know how I became this way. When my first M ended, I was able to let go and move forward but I now think maybe part of the ease w/which I did that was b/c he moved away.

I do think my biggest problem is that I want to be needed. I am my H's "rescuer". I want to make everything better for him so he'll love me. Pathetic isn't it?

I have tried to do stuff for him from day one. I set myself up for the situation I'm in now. I did it, too. No one but me. He had a bitter D from 1st EXW. She took him to court alot. I was a "hero" b/c I got all the paperwork together; organized it. I was just the "take care of stuff" kind of person. I did a lot of it b/c of my past and how he would use it against me to get what he wanted. So, I fell into the habit of denying my own feelings about stuff and deferring to him so that he wouldn't get mad and hurt me w/my past; calling me names, etc.

Geez, Louise!!!! I've really screwed this one up.

Oh, well. Like Scarlet O'Hara said... I'll think about it tomorrow.

Thanks you guys. I actually feel a little better. I've really been chasing my tail the last few weeks and I think maybe he needs to do a little chasing.

Talk to you soon.

L2S, I was glad to see your post. And I prayed for you on my prayer thread.

Don't beat yourself up for becoming this way. It can happen to anybody. It's just how we choose to deal with it, once we become aware.

I am still struggling with this, myself. It's a difficult place to be. But we can learn from it, to help others.

Anyway, I think that the assistance program at your place of employment is a wonderful idea. I'd definately pursue this! Good Luck, and let me know how you are coping.

Take care,

Jennifer

Your English is fine. So is your message.

I've allowed myself to become mired in a relationship that is not very healthy. I've put up with a lot of junk in order to be in a relationship.

I don't necessarily want to get a D but I really don't want to be in a one-sided M forever either. My H has the ability to be a much better person than the person I currently know. I have the ability to be a much better person than the person I have allowed myself to become.

I appreciate you pointing out things that are really right in front of me but I choose not to see. I have read Surviving an Affair so I know about Plan A / Plan B. I have the head knowledge regarding a lot of what is on this site as well as what others have advised/suggested. It's just putting what I know into practice that I'm having a hard time with.

I wish I had found this site at the beginning of all my troubles. I would like to think I would have done things differently. I just keep waffling back and forth between getting out and panicking b/c I think he may be ready to get out.

I appreciate the advice and the time everyone has taken to advise me. I really want the M to work but I know that I need to work on myself first. I am planning to start that tomorrow.

Went to employee assistance program counselor today. Spent about 1.5 hours. She seems to think I have low self esteem because of some stuff that happened to me as a kid. As a result, I don't have much self worth so I let my H treat me the way he does. Like I don't deserve any better.

But, I do. She recommended the book "Boundaries". I'm going to try and get this weekend. Also "Shame".

I am going to get better regarding this and I am going to stand up to my H and not take that kind of stuff. Yeah, big talk, right? Easy to say when I'm sitting here on a computer and he's miles away!!!

I'm really going to work on it though. Who knows? I may decide I don't even want him in my life.

She also said that nothing is going to get better until he gets help. But, first step is admitting he needs help. I don't know if that will happen.

He's coming soon. Got to go. More later.

I agree with most of what your counselor told you, and it's true that he needs help. And yes, admitting it is the first step. But that's HIS first step. WE don't have anything to do with HIS choices, of deciding whether or not HE needs help, or to change. We can only make the choices of our own. The steps WE need to take, in getting the help of our own, to recover, and feel good enough about ourselves, to move on, with or without another.

I wish you the best during this time. I know it's hard! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/crazy.gif" alt="" />

Take Care...

Jennifer

I want to offer you an apology, I was so direct to you, ouch. I´m sorry.

I think I could see my self in some aspects of your story.

My partner used to tell me about the qualities of former lovers and when we were already separated he would tell me wonders of the new women in his life.

We separated after 8 years of living together. For two more I lived in an appartment that belonged to him. The appartment was in very bad conditions when I started living there. I paid for new wood floor, new kitchen, carpets. He still had keys to the appartment and used to go there to take naps, eat, or just hang around. In ex change of living there I would still work for him for some hours a week and would help him in several ways.

He had three childreen. I talk in the past because he´s dead now. His older children told him I was going out with someone from the appartmen´s building, completely untrue, but he throw me out of the appartment. Some days before that he had asked me my car, which I had had for four or five years, he said his car was at the workshop. So in one day I lost the appartment and my car.

When I look back and think in all the effort I put on that relationship, on all the energy, creativity, compasion, I had for him and how afraid I was of disappoint him.

I could see myself in you because I would also lie just not to make him angry at me. I was unable to ask his help when I really need it and I would spend my money on thing for our house, when we still lived togehter, or clothes for him.

The relationship with his children went from almost good to very bad. What I was not aware of then, was that the factor that would always prevent us from having a good relationship, was him, the way he used to demand certain behaviors and black mail by getting angry. He would put us one against the other.

His children would take my things, jewlery, clothes, equipment and I would always feel in the middle and taken advantage of.

The last straw for me was that after so much loyalty and devotion from my part he had destituted me with out even corroborating what he was acussing me of doing. I think that was his pretext. Some months later he came back to try to get me to pay 10 thousands dollars for a new piece of land he wanted to buy next to a country house we had built. I could not believe that after all he had done he could ask me for that. After that I really kept dark.

I wonder now why I had so much compasion and considerations for someone who could not appreciate them. I think I was trying to save him, to prove him that there were nice women out there, and to be good, I was trying to be a good person.

What I realised later was that he would always try to seduce frail women, good women, women with law self steem and difficult living situations, and very young. He didn´t want to have to any women any of his possesions, no mater how hard the women had helped him to get them. He would make them feel low by comparing them to other women. He did that to me and he did that to the new ones, he would compare them to me, lol.


Maybe our situations have some similitudes maybe not. I just wanted to explain you why I had been so direct with you. I guess your story was a trigger for me.

One of the things I would have done different is that I should have asked for the help of relatives and authorities. He took advantage of the fact that my family lived in another city. That is why I think it may help you to have the help of the MC and the minister to put in the ligh of day the things he is doing to you and that he thinks nobody would now.

It´s excellent that you can see your own faults, but I think it is not so healthy to let him make you constantly guilty. You can mention that problem in th MC too. Talk again the old recrimination and mutually agree to stop mention them every time a new problem appears. It's very tiring to be constantly remaind of past mistakes, reals or invented.

I read MD since the year 2003. I don´t post much because I´m not married.

I think you are doing big changes inside that would help you to make changes in the outside. I feel that for a codependent person like me, it is an effort of years to learn new habits of thinking and relating.

I don´t want to be afraid of the reactions of my partner, I don´t want to lie to him to avoid his angry outburst, I don´t want to have to be in a contest with other women for his attention. So I had to realise that the problem was not him but me. I didn´t have to do those things. I didn´t know it. I know that now, I know that I have the option to say no, I have the option of don´t feel afraid or presured or coaxed.

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> Take care

Are ya' around, today?

I'm here.

First, I need to tell Larousse that you didn't come on too strong. You're saying what's in your heart and you're speaking from experience. You've come out on the other side and you're trying to help. I really appreciate the encouragement of knowing that others have made it out.

Really bad day today. He called this morning (normal Sunday routine). Asked what I was doing. Told him I was taking my D and niece to church but would not stay. He told me I should. Went through the usual routine of no, go, no, go.

He then told me that he was going to the OWs parents' home. We had the conversation about that and I finally told him that if our M had a chance we both needed to be honest about our feelings and that I was hurt that he would even consider going over there. He said OW wasn't going to be there; he made sure of that first. Then he said that he should not have to give them up; they haven't done anything wrong and have befriended him. Said yes he had lied about who they were but they were in no way involved in anything.

Then he said if he had to give them up he also needed to give his best friend up because he was friends with his first ex wife. Made another really stupid remark like that and I told him that one had nothing to do with the other. He was married to his exwife. She wasn't a female friendship that was developed during his marriage.

Well, bad got worse and he started the cussing. Started calling names. Told me that it wasn't going to work. Then, started bringing up past. All the times he had begged me not to go to church but I went anyway. All the times he had asked me to come home but I wouldn't. All the times he blah blah blah.

He then started hanging up. I wouldn't let go and kept calling back. I asked him what he wanted. He said he wanted a D. Can't see it working. He can't get past the things I've done. He can't get past how I treated his kids (who by the way my SD is now in a northern state living with her boyfriend and my SS cussed his dad out last week and quit - told him he didn't want him as a Dad any longer and he was dead to him).

He said he justs wants to leave everyone behind and start over somewhere else. I told him that no one is problem free and that whereever he goes he will eventually have problems.

Asked him about going to church. He brought up the "I wanted to go to church w/you but you wouldn't let me". Yeah, b/c he was threatening to confront the OM in the church parking lot!! Said he asked me to go to a different church but I wouldn't. Yeah, b/c my D (his too) is established in the youth group at our church.

Basically, he said that he can't get past the fact that I talked to another man. There was never any contact outside of church and I bet I haven't talked to the guy 5 or 6 times in the last 1.5 years. I haven't even seen him since mid Jan; haven't been to church.

Anyway, I'm rambling. The usual Sunday junk happened. He said he wants it over. He can't get past me and the other guy. I can get past his A, his friendship with 2nd EXW, his new "lady" friend, all the cussing, name calling, nastiness, money issues, kid issues, etc but he can't get past OM.

I finally told him that I loved him and wanted it to work but he had to decide what he wanted. Told him that I would not call and cancel the counseling session this week and would not call the attorney but he can if that's what he chooses.

I do not know why I keep hanging on. Not even sure what I'm hanging onto except comfort.

I bought the book Boundaries today and plan to start reading that tonight. As usual, I'm sitting on pins and needles waiting on/hoping he will call. I am going to take it one hour at a time and try to occupy my time with other things. I hope I can make it through today without calling him again. Hope I can make it through tomorrow same way.

Please say another prayer for me. I need all the help I can get.

Oh, L2S. This is a repeating pattern, that I truly believe will continue, as long as you remain part of it.

Wouldn't it completely throw him off the loop, if one Sunday, you were not available to cuss at, or call names, or discuss any of the days plans with him. To not be on the other end, listening to him tell you where he is going for the day, and WHY? Just to NOT be around at all, for him to spew this CRAP all over you. He is obviously still very capable of verbal and emotional abuse, so I sincerely believe he is still most definately capable of physical abuse.

I keep trying to think of some words I haven't said yet, that could "Jog your Fog"!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />

I say go dark, L2S. Infact, go BLACK! He will not learn a darn thing, as long as you are there, recieving this stuff as he dishes it out to you.

I will continue to pray about this, L2S. I pray that God will guide you, and prepare you for His will in your life.

Take Care...Jennifer