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Joined: Jan 2006
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Wow. your X sounds a lot like mine. It is amazing there can be someone so similar. My problem in our marriage was that he would say a lot but things would never follow through. the old saying "action speaks louder than words" he would and still does some of the same things -- can't afford anything but he has tons of material things himself, etc.

i guess my advice to you would be to think of you and your child. what you are doing/fighting for is for what is best for your little one. whether it be the child support needed to financially help you or the safety when he is with his father.

this may sound stupid but i have heard so many people say he can have everything -- well, where would that leave you? more struggles with your child. i have a very selfish, materialistic, controlling, harassing, X and if child support didn't come out of his check then i wouldn't be getting it. so what you can come out on, you know you will use towards the best benefit for the life you can provide.

in addition, when i filed divorce (3 times and cancelled!) i wasn't ready to move on, still loved him, and was worried that if i did something to upset him, that would change everything -- how he felt about me, etc. if someone still loves you, what you do isn't going to change that -- it should make them work harder for what they want. in addition, your X sounds very manipulative -- a lot like my X. it seems he says things just to get to do things at the time, once they're done and he gets what he wants, then he goes right back to how he used to be -- it took me a long time to really understand how someone can say one thing and mean another.

the no contact order by someone was a good idea. it doesn't necessarily have to be first by the courts. just don't call him, don't take his calls, etc. you will feel better and won't get sucked in and will be better able to move on and think clear headed. that has helped me a lot too.

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Yes he's very manipulative it seems, I can see myself doing that, filing two or three times, then finally doing this. He's threatened me, won't email me back, it seems that I can't even work with him on the issues then he blames me for forcing him to divorce court. There's really never been a way to win with him. He's hoping the house will sell, I'll sign the papers giving him power of attorney, he'll take "his" money, won't pay child support - or I'll magically get back together with him. Bad idea, he moved to another state, if I moved there with him, and it didn't work I'd be stuck for life, they wouldn't let me leave with my child back to this state and I have no family or reasons to be in his home state at all. My business is here too. He "says" he's job hunting in this state, but then when I was there he's gone on about when he retires from the job he just took, he made no mention of seeing his son again, or when he'd come back. The attorney said he's hanging on for the tax benefits, getting by without child support and is bragging about his marriage of convenience, not good for a banker to have all this going on. Likely he wants to be on the new job longer before he looks like a flake getting his third divorce, the works.

I think it is time for "no contact" other then emailing him, but then again he said the other night he's just "oh too busy" to check his email and return emails to me working on how we'll settle this together without fighting to save attorney costs. He was supposed to have ordered the same divorce workbook I did, he didn't. I put the divorce on hold, and since he hasn't followed through except one child support payment that I demanded while I was in his face last weekend. He just looked so guilty trying to make it look like the realtor was wanting the power of attorney papers, really it's him and she's helping him out for her commission. Not a good thing to make an ex mad is it? The realtor and him are playing me for a fool, and it's true, the nice days should have been long gone wit this man. A long time ago. He even threatened me this weekend when I got angry, got in my face like he was going to shove me, I warned him what I 'd do if he touched me then he verbally threatened me that he'd set me up and call the police. How stupid I am to consider getting back with him. He's drinking too, I'm sure, and there was a message from some woman he called a slanderous name, and I'm sure that's the respect he has for her or any women. How can a man divorced three times think nothing is EVER his fault? This is beyond me.

Yes I would like to leave him with it all. Guess he hopes if he threatens me to make this difficult, and plays Jeckyl and Hyde with me, then I'll walk away. he doesn't think I deserve a dime, he paid house payments, I paid all utilities, for our vacations, all meals out, car payments, groceries, you name it with money from my business. I was even the breadwinner once while pregnant when he was fired from a job. He says I've done nothing, and I know he doesn't respect me. He'd love me to be stuck at home in his state with a baby and hardly any income. He even "found" me a $10 per hour job, really nice, I've been self employed 15 years almost and he wants me to work for some dinky company in a little town, and says I'll be better off... I just can't believe him. He's so petty he faught about me wanting to take a $40 bookcase that was mine, said I cleaned out the house, took his things, it's such a lie, I accidently took a picture frame of his, left most of the furniture, even mine from when I was single, left pictures, plants, dishes, the works and only took what I needed. I could have taken more, I was nice and decent and this is what I get in return.

It is time to think of me and my boy. We deserve more, I worked for this life too. I deserve money for a down payment on a house, and that's what I'll get out of this. We live in a little apartment and he's planning on the good life, paying cash for a house from the profit off our two houses... not fair is it? I don't really like my attorney, is there a decent one out there? But he'll do his job if I ask him too. He said it's typical to back off, that I have four months or so to get this to court, then they'll dismiss it if we don't get info to them. I just wish there was an easier way to do this... wish I could get out of this quick and clean - or that a miracle would occur and my husband would be what he "says" he is and follow through with action. What a crazy way to "get" your wife back by being mean, crazy, nitpicking the works.... thruth is he wants his "image" back, the wife, kid, house, he doens't want us. The jerk even said when I was talking about a vacation together, people don't travel with their kids... he's seen his almost two year old son six times in a year, mostly because I drove him to him, couldn't be bothered the rest of the time, and even when I brought him was bored with it after a day, called him "your son" - really what a jerk huh?

My dad died last summer, I separated from my husband a year ago, had a baby 21 months ago, moved right after the baby, expanded my business that required travel all over the state with a baby, set up a new house, flew home monthly for a year to be with my dad... this man said over and over "you do nothing." Can you imagine, my friends couldn't believe I handled all of this.... I have to get this man out of my life. I'm on a deadline now, will be done in a few weeks, then I can get finances together for the attorney, and he'll take it from there. Thanks for listening to me vent

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Can't she tell the title co. to issue two checks? one to her husband & one to her for equal amount?

Also, horsey, you have just a right as your husband does to contact the realtor at any time to find out the status of your listing.

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I think he's made it clear to her that I wasn't interested in the house, and for a time I wasn't. I moved after some violence in this marriage, the house is in his name, he's made the payements. I told him to sell it before he lost his last job, he didnt' want to. I think he priced it high in case this last job in another state doesn't work out, and it looks like it is. He's been fired several times, I think control issues at work, not just at home. He didn't discuss price or anything with me, it's always "his way" and he wouldn't listen anyways. What do you do with a man like this, it's just tiring, five year with someone who has to be right, who has to make all the decisions. He wants me to move back with him, it'll be a "partnership" so he says, he'll help me out more with my son, the works... Yet when I tried to discuss the price of the house, he had no interest, he priced it the way he thought he should. Could care less about my input. Then he and the realtor slap a power of attorney in front of me - I can't blame the realtor, usually two people would be involved and I'm sure my husband's attitudes have come through loud and clear.
She expects a fight at closing when I do "figure" this out, as I'll have to sign papers - unless there's a way he can get this through without me? I don't think I signed my name on the deed or the loan papers this time, would the title company be able to without me? It's a city, there's a number of title companies, I don't know how I'd contact one, or I could ask him which one. I guess I'm passive agressive too - I'm just so sick of fighting with him. The attorney says I should get half less his down payment on the house. I have the realtor's email, it won't be listed again until early Feb, I signed the papers for that listing. But I won't sign the power of attorney. Guess this is all going to erupt in a fight...

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Horsey..as far as price goes, the market determines that. The realtor will do research of homes sold in the area that are similar to that house. He can price it higher than market value but it will just sit there and collect spider webs. Why buy a house for $500,000 when one very similar a mile away goes for $400,000? See what I mean? A house that is on the market too long doesn't sell well either. People will ask how long a house has been on the market because they'll assume if it's been there awhile, someone has had an inspector look at it and it failed.

He cannot and the title company cannot close the sale of this home without your signature or a power of attorney. They can't do it. Remember I told you about the man who brought his girlfriend to sign as his wife? They both spent time in prison for that escapde. It's a felony. The wife found out when the purchasers parked their moving van in the driveway. Imagine the shock!

You don't need to contact a title company. It doesn't matter if you signed the loan papers. You don't sign the Warranty Deed (it gives you ownership in the property) the sellers of the property do. You sign the Trust Deed (places a mortgage lien on the property) only if you signed the note. If he did the mortgage in his name only, it doesn't matter about the ownership.

Now about the price of the house. It doesn't matter what price he placed on it. In order to sell this house, you have to approve the sale price by signing the Sales Contract when the people who are buying your home make an offer. He cannot sell that house without your signature on the Sales Contract..CANNOT..and that signature says that you agree to the terms of the contract. That's why he wanted the power of attorney. It wouldn't matter what price you wanted, he makes the decision. But you have the power to say "no" and put a real kink in his control freak meter. He knows this and hopes you don't.

I don't know if you remember but years ago this man left his wife for another woman. He contacted her and told her to sell his Porsche and send him half of the amount. She did just that. She advertised the car for $1.00, sold it and sent him 50 cents. He's hoping you'll be this stupid.

Just sit back and watch the show. You have his gonads in a vice and he's hoping you don't realize it. Let him wonder...

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on some cities web site you can look up how much properties were bought and sold for. townships may be different. you'd have to check it out. all that info. is public knowledge too, so you could get it at the court house.

i would go through the court system on the child support if you are not getting it directly already. that way, there will be no need to have to ask for it or wonder if you are going to get it.

it doesn't sound like no matter what you say he isn't going to make it easy, agree, etc. it is going to be your fault. after everything that my x has put me through, whenever i absolutely have to talk to him, i can hear my voice raise (not yelling, just a 'matter of fact' attitude) which i don't feel the need to put myself through. you have been through a lot recently and why add more to the pot by having to deal with him as well.

i don't know what other finances you have together, but make a list - what, where, how much when acquired (pre-marital or not) for both of you as you will have to show what you have on finances as well. (stocks, retirement, and other investments, big ticket items (like your house, cars, boats, etc.) get approximate value on those.

they can issue back child support as well from the time he moved out. that can be proved because he has a starting date at his new job out of state so keep that in mind as well.

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JPH, are you there? Or anyone else. You said I had a RIGHT to be there at the closing of the house, that they CANNOT close without my signature.

Well I fired my sleazy attorney as he was ripping me off - billing me for his hourly rate while his assistant did all the work, returning calls he claimed he made. Attorneys in this town are busy and most don't even return calls so I haven't even found a new one. My husband's attorney refused to return my calls as I told her I was now representing myself. I was prelaw and did some calling around and some attorney's gave me advice. His blankity blank attorney slandered me to my husband and a few other attorneys that she's "buddies" with so that they wouldn't take my case. So today I faxed her that I would basically shut down the sale of the house unless she helps resolve our divorce, and meets with me. Funny, for the first time in two weeks I got a response from the wicked B...

I have "one" and a major "one" on my husband. His attorney was telling him how to basically use our son as a "pawn" to scare me it seems, as he called me up saying she said horrible things about me, without proof and without talking to me personally. In our small town she's connected to judges, mediators and the works. We are having to do required mediation and one mediator admitted that attorneys fill them in on the situation before meeting with us, meaning attorneys choose their "buddies" and it's all biased, and apparently this woman thinks she's top dog in this town. So the HOUSE is the only thing I've got on him and her to make them both settle as quickly as possible and without continued slander and threats. My husband hasn't hardly seen his boy in the past year since I left him and his "sudden" interest in his child is due to this wicked W....

Anyways the realtor emailed that an offer is being made on the house, I read the info and it says tomorrow it has to be agreed upon. I don't see in there that we both have to agree on the offer. They are talking with my husband about it and since I didn't sign their little power of attorney agreement you are right they are nervous I'm sure. I'm sure my husband talked to his attorney buddy or she wouldn't have faxed me so called wanting to finally cooperate as I represent myself in my divorce case. Somehow of course it amused me, thanks for your info, you are right, my control freak husband didn't want me to "KNOW" this. Anyways do I have to agree on the offer? If they don't get my signature on that, they will have to have it at closing right? I had them fax the realtor agreement I did sign and all it said was that if there was a disagreement between my husband and I we agreed by signing it that we would go into a mutual 30 day mediation process. And that would be fine wouldn't it? Finally at least we'll come to some sort of agreement, the realtor however says the couple wants to move in asap and I already emailed her that my husband's attorney is choosing to play "dirty" thus I will have to have an attorney look over everything, and that I have the right to be at the closing and I WILL be there.

There's also a way to file a "lis pending" on the house... and I faxed that to my husbands blankity blank attorney, saying that I could do something drastic here if need be. Sort of put her in her place didn't it. You know this all seems like third world country stuff, crooked attorneys, sleazy realtors, a controlling husband using a child as a pawn along with his controlling attorney... I just can't believe it. But if they are going to play unfair then I'll have to "do more" then just sit back and take it. This attorney of his is apparently used to getting her way, I've been told she's basically "a man" and has no heart either. Of course she's only interested in lining her own pocketbook, things she's told my husband that are so exaggerated just proves it.

What should I do about the house? What can they do with or without me at this point?

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Their offer is about 10k over what I agreed to in the selling agreement, is that what you are saying, that he can't agree to anything less without my permission? Is that the glitch?

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This is an excellent thread, and jlp has been giving you some very good advice. I'm new here, and almost embarassed to admit that I'm a Realtor, given the way these slimy, so-called professionals have been treating you. I'm also a Betrayed Spouse (BS), and a mom in the middle of my own divorce.

Regarding your question about the offer that's on the table. You're saying that the offer price is $10k higher than the listing price. In my state, no, you would not be required to sign the offer simply because the offer price is higher than the list price. There are two basic elements to any offer to purchase: 1) Price, and 2) Terms.

Just because the price is favorable, and above what you offered it for, doesn't mean that the terms are favorable. Go look now at your listing agreement again. There should be a sentence, at the very beginning of the listing agreement, that states that the home will be sold at or above XX price, and at ____blank___ terms. What did the slimy *ahem, person who sells real estate* write in the blank. If she wrote *cash* for instance, and you're being offered *cash*, that's one thing. If she wrote in *agreeable* as in *agreeable TERMS*, and you DON'T agree to the terms of the offer, you may have a loophole there.

**Terms are anything that isn't price, like, the amount of earnest money they're offering, closing date, a sale of home contingency ... as long as you're disagreeing to the terms of the offer, and not violating laws of fair-housing. IOW, you can't discriminate against the buyer for being a certain race, or for being handicapped, etc., but you can refuse the offer if you don't care for the earnest money offered.

There's a good chance that if you don't sign it, that it will simply "die on the table." There should be an "offer and acceptance" date on the offer itself, which is what the real estate ** is rushing you about. The offer dies on the table if not signed by both parties by that time and date.

From what I understand (and I've only been doing this 6 years, since my DD was born -- have had about 80 transactions, only one or two divorce --- one couple I talked OUT of selling, since they expressed hope in reconciling *smile*, and they did!) ...

... from what I understand, the sale *could* proceed to closing even if you don't sign the purchase agreement right now, if both hubby and the buyer's agree to proceed without your signature. This is a big risk to the buyer, and I'll explain in a minute. That being said, as jlp has told you repeatedly, the deal CANNOT CLOSE without your signature, since you didn't sign the POA that was shoved in your face back in January.

You are being pressured to to sign the deal because the Buyer's are, quite rightfully, concerned that they will go through the time and expense of inspecting the home, hiring movers, etc., only to have you balk at closing and throw a monkey wrench into the deal. Everyone involved WANTS your signature now on THIS PARTICULAR DEAL, because as jlp mentioned, everyone involved in the transaction is motivated monetarily in the transaction actually CLOSING. No closing, no paycheck: not for hubby, the realtor, the buyer's lender, the title company, the termite guy ... nobody. And, no closing, no new home for the buyers.

No one involved wants to waste time this way. Now, I am new here myself, and will not presume to advise you, other than to say that often when I don't know exactly what to do, I've found that it's best that I just do nothing. If you don't sign the offer for purchase, and the buyer's are dumb enough to proceed with their loan and inspections, it's their loss in the end if the closing blows up and you don't get the check the way you want it, and refuse to sign.

Jlp has been telling you the truth all along. This thing CANNOT close, and the deed be transferred to the new owner's, without one of these two things happening:

1)You show up and sign at closing <or go crazy somehow and sign a stupid POA>

2)Hubby gets a stunt-wife to come in and impersonate you <she'll need your driver's license to do it, or a reasonable fascimile <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />> ... in which case she and DH have both committed felonies, and can plan on being "out of the market" for quite some time.

Hang in there. I'm rooting for you. And, I hate sleeeeeeazy real estate agents too. Like jlp said, it gives us good ones a very bad reputation.

One other point: by signing the offer to purchase, you probably become liable for what's known as 'specific performance'. IOW, if you DO sign now, and then balk at closing, and things blow up with the buyer not getting the house ... you could be liable for specific performance of the contract. Recent jurisprudence of real estate contract law in your state will prevail, and you could end up paying back the buyer's earnest money, paying for their inspections, movers, attorney fees for the buyer, all kinds of things AND the judge could still order you to sign the deed over to them.

In the end, if there is a problem with the funds disbursement at closing, and the deal fails to close, as long as you didn't sign the purchase agreement, you're not liable to the terms of it with regard to the whether the buyers actually end up gaining posession of the house.

I'm just a Realtor, though, and not a real estate attorney. I would encourage you to seek the legal advice necessary to back me up on this.

jlp knows his stuff. hopefully he'll come back in.

Good luck!!


BS: 43 (me) WH: 33 DD: age 6 Married: 1997-present Together 13 years Multiple A;s, Multiple OW: 2001-present. D-day: 10/10/2005 Separated 10/01/05 Plan D.
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THANK YOU SO MUCH.... oh my gosh, you have more info then the blankity blank attorney I had on the phone this am. I was going to pay another attorney $200 this afternoon to figure this out and then of course that attorney will want 3k to finish this divorce case and I don't think from her reputation I'll like her. I can't get appointments with the good attorneys, they are all so busy.

So basically I can do nothing. If I sign it I can be in trouble in the end if I balk before closing... they can still proceed if they wish and that would be up to the realtor and the buyers. Right now she's saying she can't accept the offer without my signature, you know she wants her commission and will simply take her buyers to the next house...

She's being OH so NICE to me, tried to call, I left my voice mail full yesterday told her just to email me, that's best. Should have kept my voice mail full but I know her number and I just won't answer. This realtor gives me the creeps at this point.

My husband emailed that it's not until it gets to the title company that I have to sign but he's not being truthful either is he? As from what you say i can be held liable, plus the realtor can ask for her commission. I'll go reread the contract now.

It's 1 pm and they say I have until 6 pm to sign and fax the info to them. I just might have to keep the meeting with the other attorney at 4 pm just to be sure, as I told the realtor I could not let her know until after I meet with an attorney.

Thanks for your help,

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If it were me, I wouldn't be pressured to sign. It's their timeclock that will run out, not yours. I think you're doing the right thing to wait until you speak to an atty.

Now, on the other hand, if you do like the deal, and you want the house liquidated so you can get your money out of it, you can sign knowing that the title co cannot disburse without your sig and approval. It really is as simple as jpl has laid out for you. You wait until the title co calls to schedule closing, then tell the title co how you need the funds disbursed. One poster said to have the title co write 2 checks, and afaik, they can easily do that.

Either way, if you don't sign at closing, unless DH is willing to commit fraud, the title co simply cannot release the warranty deed without your signature. Take comfort in that at least.

I'll keep checking this board to see what jpl says, cuz as I said, I've only done about 80 transactions in 6 years. I do agree with everything he's said to you so far, and he seems to know what he's talking about, so I'd listen to him!

P.S. Another tactic might be to have DH sign a "side agreement" with you re the sale of the home, agreeing to and ordering the title co to disburse the way you've been advised here. That way, if you sign the current offer to purchase, then DH doesn't order the title co to disburse the way you want (which they HAVE to, it's a 50-50 state), at least you probably won't be liable for specific performance. Your specific performance will be limited to what you and DH agreed to do, and it will be DH that messes us the agreement in the end, removing your liability.

Again, I'm NOT an atty, and not bonded or insured to issue legal advice to you. Ask your new atty though, when you get one, if this might be a valid way for you to sign this or the next offer without fear of being sued by the buyer in the future.

Take care. I've been thinking of you all day, and crying over my own stupid WH, and the divorce. Just thinking I've helped you in some small way makes me feel better about the own horrible situation I'm in. I hope things work out for both of us ... soon!

Blessings!

Ronda


BS: 43 (me) WH: 33 DD: age 6 Married: 1997-present Together 13 years Multiple A;s, Multiple OW: 2001-present. D-day: 10/10/2005 Separated 10/01/05 Plan D.
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Ok, the attorney said I need to have the escrow agreement written into the counter offer. My husband faxed over an agreement that he will have the funds from the sale of the house put into escrow, the attorney said that would be valid but to have it in the realtor agreement too for the title company, who won't like it but won't have a choice.

This woman was such a B#$%, I am so weary of attorneys. I just hope tying up the money from the house is a hammer over my husband's head so that we can come to a separation agreement that includes custody of our child. His attorney is known for big custody battles, and he just might decide to try it and would have more so if I didn't remain FIRM on tying up the house money. Now he can't use the money to buy a new house, will have to put his things in storage ....

But maybe he'll agree this next week on custody issues which is my concern, his is money. I'm just waiting for the realtor to fax over a new counter offer with the escrow agreement written in so that the house can be sold.

What a headache all of this has been... thanks for your advice today.

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So I asked the realtor to "write" the note about putting the monies into escrow into the counteroffer agreement. They emailed me one with that in there, then this am before signing I had a "new one" with it "missing." I told them I will not sign it without this written in, that's what the attorney said to do. She wanted me to sign a separate agreement for the title company instead so the buyers didn't know about this although they've already agreed to the counter offer and the realtor is at the house helping a moving company with an estimate. So the deal will happen but they don't want this in the counter offer for the seller to see. Guess I'll have to do what the attorney said yesterday and "make" the realtor put it back in, and make my husband sign it before I do so I can see his signature on the "correct" document. This realtor has been "questionable" and the title document she emailed isn't even filled out, isn't signed by my husband and says it has to be notorized. If that's the case I won't sign the counter offer even with a side agreement unless my husband emails or faxes that to me signed and notorized right? Otherwise it's just blank papwerwork. The realtor might be right, it HAS to be written into the counter offer if we have this little time. This was supposed to be signed last night but they gave me until this am, and apparently aren't "listening" to my requests via my attorney that I had to drop $200 for yesterday.

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grrrr. How frustrating!

IMO, the disbursement escrow agmt between you, H and the escrow co really don't need to be part of the Offer to Purchase. Disbursement has nothing to do with the buyer, per se.

Well, I think that's an extra, and perhaps unnecessary precaution (to include the disbursement language in the offer/counter). Unless I'm missing something here, you live in a 50-50 state. Your H, tricky as he may be, is willing to sign an document with the Title Co. that orders the proceeds split between you at closing. It sounds to me that the bases are covered, really. Title/Escrow companies take their jobs VERY seriously. They are required to handle and disburse funds according to the terms of legally binding documents.

Even though adding the language has little effect on the buyer, I can see, depending on the language, why the buyer wouldn't want it in there.

Oh, btw ... Did the listing agent (the one we hate!) also bring the buyer to the table. Or is there another agent representing the buyer? If there is another agent, they may be dictating the language out for the benefit of their buyer-client.

I'm curious to know the answer to this Q, and how 'our Realtor friend' has handled that. She should have asked you to sign a new disclosure. In my state, its called "Confirmation of Agency Status-Working with a Real Estate Professional."

When you signed the listing documents, she pledged to be your agent, placing your interests above all others in the transactions. That's a good thing.

She should regergitate that for when she presents the Offer, disclosing if the buyer's have their own agent, or if your agent is now acting as a facilitator, transaction broker, or disclosed dual agent. Remember, no one agent can place the interest of BOTH parties ... above all others.

See where I'm going with that. Is she still serving your interests (however badly)? Or is someone other than her representing the buyers interests?

Just curious. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />


BS: 43 (me) WH: 33 DD: age 6 Married: 1997-present Together 13 years Multiple A;s, Multiple OW: 2001-present. D-day: 10/10/2005 Separated 10/01/05 Plan D.
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Oh, she actually did bring the buyer to the table. So are you saying the realtor was right and not the attorney that I paid the big bucks for? That the agreement should have been a side deal with the title company and not in the counter offer. I made her put it in there, and since I didn't trust her I stood my grounds. I had a letter faxed from my husband about his willingness to put the money in escrow. Today I received papers from the title company and this info wasn't in there. I also haven't received a time or date, do I really have to drive five hours to this closing or is there a way to do it via fax/phone/email. I didn't ask them, I just thought I had to go. My husband has flight scheduled but it doesn't look like he'll be there on the closing date. He moved to another state. I think maybe he gave the realtor the "power" to represent him as he's out of state, could that be? That's why she wanted me to sign power of attorney to him? Anyways he's coming to put his stuff in storage and sort through things, a moving company will put his things in a local storage place until we settle this - as his new job will pay for a moving company to move him to another state, over 10k that will cost so he said and he'll wait to do that so he wont' have to pay - and will wait until he owns a house. He can't buy until we've settled this divorce case or at least a legal separation right? As this is his down payment. He's crying about it but I'm determined to fight for custody of my boy. This man can't be trusted and has been playing "games" with his crooked attorney. My mom says i need to go for sole custody as he was violent in our marriage and he drinks. He comes across as the "nicest" guy in the universe and plays everyone as a fool, I was wife number 3 or 4 if you count his former live in. Guess this is the main "chip" I can hold against him to try to get the custody worked out, which is my main concern.

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Read the above post and also tell me if there's any stunts my husband can pull with the title company?

How can he have the costs of his paying movers put into the closing costs? In one email he said he was going to do that?

Why was he calling and crying last night about how I didn't need to show up at the closing?

What is he worried that I will see and not sign?

How can he get the title company to do whatever he wants, he's a banker, he'll have angles?

I emailed the title company today asking for all info they have, and the date and time of the closing. They seemed a bit wierd, the girl called back, I emailed that I need all info today.

The closing is scheduled for next Wed. After all of this I just feel like there's going to be "something..." What will it be?

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HERE IT IS... from the title company who emailed me this.

2) We will follow the directions of the Counterproposal regarding not releasing any funds at closing. Stewart Title will not be holding those
funds so I must have written instructions signed by you and John stating where the money is going and who the check needs to be may out to.

I told her in response NO that I cannot sign ANYTHING regarding how much or to whom the funds will be distributed to until as it was put in the counter offer - the court decides or any legal agreement is made. The attorney told me that the title company would NOT want to do this and would try to balk - but I'd have to stand firm. Does the title company not even get their own checks until this is decided, I think that's what the attorney might have said. So they dont' want this money tied up with no decision on who gets what?

I told her I would not drive five hours to the closing without reading through ALL of the legal documents that I will be signing - as I might need an attorney to review them. Why is life such a fight? I was trying to do a "nice" divorce until my jerk for an ex started threatening me through his wicked attorney about custody of my boy that he couldn't be bothered "babysitting" even in the past year. Just seems like I'm being blackmailed through a little boy so I'll back off of the money issue... maybe I'm paranoid.

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Gosh Horsey. You ask so many complicated questions, and I want to help you, but I can literally be sued for giving out bad legal advice, since I'm a Realtor and all. I'll try to take one by one, and answer the ones I can.

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I also haven't received a time or date, do I really have to drive five hours to this closing or is there a way to do it via fax/phone/email.

You won't be able to do it by fax/email, etc. No. You'll need to either:
1) drive there
2) sign a poa so someone else can sign for you <**yuck** unless you have family or someone you trust there in his new state.
3) Have the title co fed ex the docs to you. You can go to any bank, sign them and have them notorized there by any loan or title officer. Fed Ex them back to the title co, and request that the title co **not DH** fed ex or certified mail your check.

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Oh, she actually did bring the buyer to the table. So are you saying the realtor was right and not the attorney that I paid the big bucks for?

If she brought the buyer, I hope your DH hit her for a reduction in commission. Line 700 on the HUD1 statement will reveal what she's been paid.

And no, I'm not saying that either the atty or realtor were "right". I think it could have been done legally either way. Maybe I'm not thoroughly understanding how the sale of the home has anything to do with the custody battle.

See, in my state it's just cut and dried. We're 50/50. If two spouses are on the DEED, the sale cannot close without the sigs of both. Even if DH is the only one on the NOTE, as long as you're on the deed, you have to sign, and are entitled to 1/2 the funds. As long as there's an agreed order signed by both spouses directing the title co on how they both want funds disbursed, the title co has to do that.

I'm not sure I understand why the funds are going to be held in escrow? The title co should disburse at closing. Did I miss this somewhere? Why would anyone want an escrow agent to hold funds after closing?

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How can he have the costs of his paying movers put into the closing costs? In one email he said he was going to do that?

He can't, that I know of. Unless he's going through a relocation company already with his company, and the relo company is CHARGING him the relo costs. That wouldn't make any sense though, and you already said that he had to store his stuff. Does he have a contract on another house already? Normally, he would do both closings on the same day. IOW, yours and his closing would come first, his share of the funds liquidated, and he would go after that closing directly to the next closing. Most title co's will even accept the check that he received from the sale of the home for the purchase costs on the new home. The reason why is what I was trying to tell you. Title co's are typically VERY trustworthy. They are escrow agents because they are held to the highest standards when handling other people's money. If they mess up, they go down. I doubt there's much DH could do to "screw" you so to speak, apart from the fraud things I've already mentioned, as long as you and DH have signed agreements with the title co.

No, I don't think the realtor was trying to pull a fast one when she didn't want to incorporate the disbursement language in the purchase contract. She WAS trying to pull a fast one when she tried to get you to sign the POA though, IMO. That is what would have allowed DH to do any dirty business with the title co. As long as you don't do a poa, and either go to closing or do it by fed ex, like I said, you should be ok.

No, the title co doesn't get paid until this is decided. I just reread your last post. So, your atty advised you not to sign the counter offer until that language is in there? Well, I guess I'd listen to the atty then. It seems strange to me. It also seems strange that the listing, sale, and closing are happening so quickly. Is your buyer paying cash?

I wish I had more time right now. I actually sold my own house yesterday and my DD <age 6> and I are preparing to move. My oh-so-lovely WS is supposed to sign those docs today, and we'll be going through the same thing you are. **sigh**

Anyway, I'll try to check back later. I sure wish jpl would come back to this conversation.


BS: 43 (me) WH: 33 DD: age 6 Married: 1997-present Together 13 years Multiple A;s, Multiple OW: 2001-present. D-day: 10/10/2005 Separated 10/01/05 Plan D.
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The title company is saying we should fill out the amount and who to write the check to, the title company cannot put the money it escrow, it would have to be through my husband's attorney's trust - as I don't have an attorney on retainer right now. Another attorney told me this, to have it put into his attorney's trust, a bank account basically with it held until we agree through court or otherwise. The realtor says title companies don't hold monies - I think this attorney didn't have a clue, I'm so sick of attorneys - you know you could call 5 of them and get 5 different opinions, doesn't make sense. Even two attorneys had two ideas on this, they both can't be right. Now the one I paid the $200 to is wrong. Heck I was dumb enough to call her and ask her to explain more but I think you and the nutty realtor are the right one, and I paid for stupid advice from that attorney who came across as a know it all. What happens when I retain the next wacko attorney to represent me? Really years ago I was sued, I had to "coach" an attorney on my own case, he had too many as most of these attorneys do, had I not researched I'd have been cleaned out... scary. Now I have a home, a baby, and my own business at stake.

Anyways we bought our first home, my husband says I was never on the deed but I signed papers with the title company when we went to sell it. That house made 30-40k in profit in just a few years. That money plus his initial down payment was put into this second house that is being sold. So how do we even figure out how money money is to be put into this escrow account? It wouldn't include his initial down which may have been 100k would it, that was his money before we married and he was in a hurry to buy before we married too. So this might only be over 20-30k as this house he said lost 10k between realtors fees and such. So would it only be the 20-30k that would be put into escrow or a trust and not his down? Meaning I didn't have the power I thought I had to tie up his money, or not enough of it... he can still have the rest of his money, the initial down to buy a new home in his new state right? I wanted to keep his money tied up while we settle over the baby and it doesn't look like I'm doing much anyways does it?

So you are saying the title company could fedex to me the papers, I could sign them on Tues, send them back in time fo their closing at 1 pm on Wed. I don't want to drive there and back so long as I am protected. I can email the realtor and title company about this, as it's a 10-12 hour round trip with a child. I'm glad there's no other way they can "screw" me as you have reassured me. The new buyers are wanting to move in the very afternoon of the closing, it's crazy that this all happened so fast, that's part of my stress, a sale and a closing in a week? One attorney assured me I'd have plenty of time to schedule an appointment with him to discuss this more... obviously I don't have time for any more legal advice at this late of a date. So Ineed to figure out what amount is to be filled in and how in that form for the title company for the money to be held in a trust, and then if I can do this without driving, and the point of it all anyways. Guess I just made everyone mad, but you are right they were trying to pull one on me trying to get me to sign power of attorney to my husband... as for his moving costs why are they writing them into the closing costs? Yes Ithink there is an agreement that my husband's new bank will pay some of the costs of this, I don't think it's the realtors fees as he's usually pulled that off... but it might be moving costs and the title costs, that could be. So then this would make sense wouldn't it.

Thank you for your help.

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You were right the attorney I paid the big bucks for was wrong. She just added more tension to an already tense sale of the house, the buyers saw the language in the counter offer and got nervous as they should have... i just faxed an emailed this attorney that she was wrong and caused everyone to just get more tense.

One attorney last week said " it's true, attorneys can make situations worse, not better..."

My husband's attorney made our trying to work with each other worse too, she said he couldn't email me and we have a child together for goodness sake.

Another attorney said that attorneys could care less if they cause so much unnecessary stress that it poisons how two parents deal with each other for the upbringing of a child's life, basically poisoning a child.

Just doesn't seem like anyone cares about anything but their own pocketbooks these days.

It's sick. Thank you for your help, you were RIGHT.

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