My long winded story can be found at:

my story

but I have a question. My WW wants to keep this secret from her father. Should I tell my FIL and expose WW or abide by WW wishes? Obviously it could be considered a LB. On the other hand, I can convince her sister to tell the father if it is the wise thing to do. Her mother already knows.

Opinions please! thanks

traicionado,

What does her sister say? does she think it would be helpful? She knows them both and getting her input could be helpful.

Keeping in mind the culture in FIL country I would not tell him at the moment.

I believe the only purpose for exposure is to increase the chances for the marriage. It should not be used for revenge nor (and many will disagree with this...) as a moral obligation for the other person’s spouse. I am a strong supporter of exposure but here I really can not see a purpose that is beneficial to your marriage.

On the contrary. At the moment your wife seems working towards ending her affair. She sounds a bit distant but that is to be expected. She is in pain. So exposing to her father is a major LB. When exposure takes place there is nearly always a period of anger and accusations. Right now you don’t need that. You want to push her closer to you (by being her shoulder to cry on) rather than away.

Added to that then if FIL will react in a manner that can be expected in a conservative Hispanic culture then not only will your wife be disgraced, but you too will be the cuckold husband. You will be at best ridiculed but more likely considered less of a man.

So keep the options of exposing to FIL up your sleeve for the time being.

BTW – your story is far from long-winded. It is a great story about how decisive action and applying MB basics has turned your wife arround in a relaively short time.

No malice intended. I just want to be sure I was not missing an opportunity. There is no room for revenge and I have forgiven the WW so have no more anger. It was hurting me and nobody else.

Thanks for the opinions. I won't say anything.

Sorry eveyone but proper exposure is NEVER, NEVER considered an LB...................NEVER

I don't know your story, but the general principle is that you expose in order to bust up the affair. If the affair is still active, then YES, you should expose. If not, then the only exposure should be to the OP's spouse, but no one else.

Exposure will make the WS angry, but that reason should never be used as an impediment.

And it really does't matter if you are doing it "for revenge," as long as it makes sense strategically and logically. I don't know why people get so hung up on that. As long as it makes sense, then do it.

Looking at it in the context of my story, I have no problems if I have to tell the FIL but it might be an arrow better left in the quiver for the moment but I will use it when I need to.

traicionado, you need that quiver NOW IF the affair is still on and if you want to save your marriage. All exposures should be done quickly and completely in order to get the maximum impact. When it is done in dribs and drabs, it only minimizes the impact because the affairees have a chance to regroup.

traicionado and I have something in common in that we are both married to Latin women. If I were to expose to my FIL, he is old and may die. My wife would probably never recover. Her family, especially her father, would disown her. She doesn't need that now. Traicionado, I don't think your wife needs that lack of support now either. Latins, especially wives, typically have extremely strong feelings for family. I think you need to keep the rug under her feet, not pulled out from under her.