Chances are she's not pregnant. I'm not a medical person, but I suppose a nurse or GP or OBGYN could tell you the odds that unprotected sex for X amount of time results in pregnancy. Or maybe someone here knows? Lemonman comes to mind. Lem are you there?

Honestly bro. I KNOW I don't need to pull your head out of the sand on this one. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />


Not if you don't contest the paternity. In a lot of places the child is presumed to be the product of the marriage. Third parties cannot insist on a paternity test. Depending on your state your mileage may vary. Best to talk to an attorney.

Also - please don't wait the 3 mos to get tested. For heaven's sake - go back for the HIV test later. Get the rest of it handled now. Go with her. Be there for the exam. It has a two fold purpose. She can't lie to the doctor and wind up NOT getting tested AND you will go through it as a team. I've had to make that trip to the Dr. twice with Flukette. It wasn't pleasant but it allowed the doc to ask questions and prescribe AD's at the same time.

Praying for you. Stay in the reality of this. Don't go to the room of denial on any of this. K?

Ok this is the second thread in like three days where I've read it be suggested if the WW is not practicing NC but wants SF from hubby then the BH should comply.

One reason I read in another thread for this was "sex is not just sex for women"

And in this thread I read where the BH should not ask for SF from WW?


Why is that? Can anyone tell me? Ladies, if the roles were reversed, should the betrayed wife give SF to a wayward husband just because he asks for it? And if not, then why? Desparate Housewives?

Also, I don't see a lot of mention of having her tested for STD PRIOR to giving SF.

If your WW asks for sex, she's reaching out. It's possible at these times that she is in a very deep and serious crisis, and is trying to grab hold of the life she's contemplating giving up.

A part of her may want very badly to abandon her husband for OM, and reaching out for SF might be an attempt to silence that part of her, to convince herself not to do what she wants to do.

This may be an act of great desperation. The event may be a tipping point for her, which is to say that the outcome of this one small moment may have huge consequences.

Of course I could be wrong... but I'm about 95% sure I've seen this happen with my own eyes.

GC

But it's not the same for a WH?

eta

I'm not looking to argue or anything. I truly want to understand why it should be different for WW vs WH as far as SF, or am I just wrong...or not reading correctly, AND the advice would be the same regardless of gender? I just haven't read much about betrayed wives being suggested by others to allow WH get SF when they are not 100% proven NC with OW?

What would be the difference if any at all?

The STD factor is present regardless of gender. In fact, isn't it easier for a woman to get HIV than a man during unprotected conventional intercourse?

I may have overdramatized a little there... but I think when a WW makes a request to her BH--for any kind of need-fulfilling stuff--her better self is trying to build a case for staying in her marriage. If you want to stay married it's best to help her with that.

GC

I don't know if it's the same for a WH. I suppose it can be.

But if a WW is mooning over the OM and suddenly her BH shows up and gloms onto her and asks for SF, no way can that be a good thing.

Maybe a woman can do a better job of answering these questions than I am.

GC

Yes, but that is same for a man is it not? Shouldn't a betrayed wife who wants to stay married do the same?

Only reason I am asking this is I found out my FWW was with me AND OM during same day on at least one occasion during her six mo affair and during that time we never stopped SF, though SF had slowed down of course, I just didn't catch on as to wy until later. I found out on my own she was cheating months later, after the fact. She had already had herself tested for STD before I found out, but apparently didn't feel the need for me to be tested and was never going to tell me about it.

I otoh had a ons, and my wife refused SF until I was tested, which I can understand and complied with.

OK, I will convince her that she needs to get herself tested fot STD's now and in 6 months. She is not having SF with the O/M. NC is in effect. Should we stay abstinent, or use protection while we await the results?

Keep in mind, that the clinic I called said we could wait 3 weeks or 6 months. If we wanted to test for HIV, then we would have to wait 6 months for any measurable HIV antibodies appear in the blood. But, we could test for the most common STD's at 3 weeks.

She only had sex once with O/M. She said it lasted for about 1-2 minutes with him pulling out 5 seconds before ejaculating on the bed. He did not ejaculate inside or on her.

If the above was too graphic, please let me know.

Hey, don't want to make you upset, but I wouldn't put 100% belief in the 1-2 minutes of sex and bed spread stuff.

GrayCloud, I do understand what you were trying to say about being more appealing than OM, I guess my sitch was different in that OM was like about 4 months gone after I found out and the SF got hard for a while thereafter for me to oblige. What I did instead, and this may be bad, but I focused on myself a lot, got in a lot better shape, started wearing contacts etc etc to make her feel threatened and she noticed and started getting clingy and "glomed"(sp?) but that made me feel good

Then months later I ended up being universal @ss jerk by doing the ons because [email]I...h@ll[/email], I don't know to this day.

Maybe there is a difference between WW and WH.

Under the circumstances - don't worry about it. We're here to deal with the truth. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

The conservative side of me says no SF until she's cleared. However, the practical side of me says that it CAN be a healing thing. You'll have to make the call. STD's are far too common as many on this board can attest to. There are plenty of people here who have been given one of the "gifts that keep on giving" because they didn't know about the A or they didn't abstain. Protection will help but won't stop some of the nasties. HPV is one that comes to mind. Genital warts are probably not something you want to deal with forever.

It's your call bro - knowing all I know now about the OM in my sit I would have abstained completely. (We came out clean BTW. Thank God.)

Still praying for you. Keep posting! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

I have to agree with the Right Honorable Eldente on this. It rarely goes down this way. My FWW's "just kissing" in reality was 3 yrs of sexual activity. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

Yeah, ask her this:

"who the ****** needs a haircut once a WEEK?"

"Well, it turns out she did cut his hair yesterday."

I realize that this was a few yes2rdays ago, but it still seems 2 me that one critical piece of exposure hasn't been done. The pathetic OM's MOMMY! Well, there's another... her coworkers. Her employer (oops, that's 2). She should be willing 2 QUIT her job if the fool won't stop coming around for haircuts (once a week? SHEESH this little boy is full of himself!). And YOU should be willing 2 move your entire family 6 states away if that's what it takes 2 pinch this nonsense off.

"This hurts because she won't make him stop coming to the barber shop to get his hair cut."

She can't make him do anything, but exposure would sure put a damper on his enthusiasm about coming in himself.

"She doesn't work at the shope Thursday through Sunday. I tried to convince her to tell him to only come to the shop on her days off. She insists that he has been trying to find a good barber for a long time."

A number of things wrong here:

*You should not be asking her 2 have contact with him 2 get NC. Doesn't make sense, and your W will take that as an excuse for all kinds of "innocent" contact - like "happy birthday" or "how are you doing?".

*Calmly inform her that you don't care if he has 2 drive 3 days 2 get 2 Outer Slobovia 2 have his hairs cut. It's NOT her PROBLEM.

-ol' 2long

She was very graphic with me, she said they made out for a little while, then had intercourse. She said her top hadn't even been taken off before he ejaculated.

I trust that what my wife is telling me is true, because she has a history of being very brutally honest with me. I did seek out the truth and I don't believe I am in denial. She said she felt really dirty and she had shown signs of deep depression between the act and her telling me. I hope this gives you more insight into her psyche.

You "trust" that your wife has been honest here? Are you willing to bet on her with possibly your life? On second thought, don't answer that.

I have to be honest here....even as recently as one month ago, I would have extolled the importance of STD testing and the extreme importance and absolute neccesity of maintaining abstinence with a cheating WS(noticed that I didn't say complete lack of affection)...but as I read more here and realize the absolute lost cause this is, I can say that I give up. Adults should be adults. Live with the consequences of your actions. Whatever that may be. I see people wanting to "live in the moment" (BS I am taking about)....I say whatever now.

To those of you who were afraid of another thread on this "subject", you can breath easier. I am done with this.

I remain in complete and utter awe that there is even a contemplation of SF here, but I should not be suprised. I guess I don't "get it". I'll leave it at that.

Lem

It's hard to stop having SF when it's been an exclusive part of our relationship. My only sexual partner has been with WW. We were both virgins when we we're married at 19.

Maybe it's with a denial in mind that I let my guard down to have SF. I realize that I already betted my life by giving in to my fleshly desire. I am very confused to be sure, and I made a foolish choice by having SF.

It's too late now, though. Although I can do what I can to protect myself from now on until we get test results back. Is there no other way to test for AIDS in a more timely fashion? The other STD tests can be performed on Tuesday. Which would make it 21 days since her sexual encounter with O/M.

We have had SF 4 times since I heard the news. 3 times between 1/13/2006 through 1/15/2006. And once last night, 1/26/2006.

If she did have an STD I have more than likely exposed myself to whatever STD she was exposed to, if any. What's really weird is every time I think about STD's my testicles start feeling funny. I also get this same feeling whenever I think about the vasectomy post vasectomy.

Well, you seem to be pretty well versed on the risks of STD's, and maybe your not in denial at all. It is almost like the alcoholic who has liver disease and keeps drinking because he fears what is done is done.

Yes, it is TOO LATE to do anything to prevent WHAT HAS ALREADY happened, but so what.....? You sould do what you can do to prevent further risk.

But you very well know this already. I don't think telling you all of the risks and % of contracting a disease will change anything.

You seem like you know already and are asking a completely different question.

There is no doubt whatsoever that you can find people (perhaps many people) who will support you in meeting your WW Sexual Fulfillment needs as you Plan A..no doubt whatsoever...so if this is what you want, ask and you shall recieve.

Lem

P.S. Ok, I promise, that was my last post on the subject <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

I am not trying to justify my actions, I was trying to convey my remorse for having done it even though I knew the risks.

Sometime smart people do stupid things because they feel it's the right thing to do at the moment. I admit my clarity of mind was shattered. Remember, this was only like two days after D-Day. My mind surely could not have been clear.

I will remain absstinent until I learn she is free from STD's. I will also have to test myself now.

Sometimes, Lemonman, we have to preach things that we know some people might not want to hear. Keep extolling your message on abstinence, if I had been here before I had SF with her for the first three times, I may have gotten the message before it was too late.

Wise words should never be left unspoken.

She only had sex once with O/M. She said it lasted for about 1-2 minutes with him pulling out 5 seconds before ejaculating on the bed. He did not ejaculate inside or on her.

If the above was too graphic, please let me know.
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If ive learned anything here is that people try and soften the blow when telling of the sexual encounter.