Hi everybody, this post is also duplicated in the GQ forum too, so my apologies if you've read this before.
I'm a long time lurker here. My story is very similar to many peoples' here. My wife cheated and became a completely different person. Trivial things from years earlier now became reasons to divorce me. I think many of you know the rest of the story. The D will be final soon. It's been horrible, but many windows have been opened while this door was shutting. I'm coming out of this for the better (hence the screen name) and, as such, I'm not here about a problem in my M. Hopefully, some of you can help me with this delima.
This past weekend, I was on a business trip and found out from a co-worker that 2 other co-workers of ours' have been having a SA for the past few years. The woman in this trist has been a friend of mine for 10 years and I have confided in her about my marital problems many times. She has been married for about 3 and a half years to another good friend of mine. The man in the trist is unmarried but has been dating the same woman for 4 years. He and his girlfriend have lived together for the past year and a half and just got engaged over New Years.
The co-worker who told me about this told me under the utmost confidence. I consider this co-worker to be a friend too and I don't want to break her trust. We have a very small office and if I confronted either person in this trist, they would know exactly where I found out. The problem is, having gone through what I've been through, I know the horrible pain and A can cause. I'm feeling, right now, that I can't, in good concience, continue being friends with a woman who is doing this to her husband; especially when I'm friends with that husband. I feel like I should tell her husband, but I know I shouldn't. Aparently, this A has not caused her to start treating her H bad or caused a 180 in her personality. Plus, if I confronted either of them, I would be betraying the trust of the friend who told me about it. Anybody have any advice on what I might do? I'm not sure how I'll look at them when I go into work tommorow.
In retrospect, I'm now seeing some signs that this was going on. The 2 of them would take long "lunches" together, even though they really don't get along that well as friends. The woman in the trist, and I, were, just recently, checking out
www.poordivorcedguy.com where they have a page where people who've had affairs can "absolve themselves" by donating money to someone whose spouse cheated on them. The going rate for absolution of an EA was lower than for a SA and she thought that was ridiculous. She was arguing that SA were not all that bad and that EA's were way worse. I disagreed, again, having gone through a PA in my M, but now it kind of makes sense why she was arguing that point. Also, she would often tell me to "get over it" when I would express anger at the OM in my wife's A (while still being sympathetic and supportive toward me about everything else). It all kind of makes sense now.
This situation familiar to anyone out there? What did you do? Thanks for any advice (and all the help I've gotten from reading these boards over the past year)!
