So why is it a problem your husband telling his mistress he is having sex with his wife then?

I have not read most of your responses ... but enough to think I may go against the popular opinion


I understand what you are angry about. An invasion of privacy. The OW is inside your bedroom with this knowledge.

YUK

in my book

Well Big k - Because my H has never been one to blad about our sex life to anyone. Frankly, it wasn't much to blab about until recently (according to him)...

Pep - Thanks - it is very much an invasion. I am disgusted by the fact that he told her. Number 1, it is not in his former "nature" to tell this to anyone. Then to find out that he told the wh*re...

Anyway - I told him - I am not a ONS that he can just blad about and that I wasn't comfortable with him telling ANYONE about our sex life, let alone Traci.

I have been learning a lot about my H in the past few months. Not sure if I like the guy a whole lot... I am being patient and still in Plan A, but it is getting more difficult with is erratic behavior in the last 2 days...

While I agree it is an invasion, and I know how angry you feel - and you hav every right to that - consider this:

The skanky ow now knows you two are intimate. She was, most likely, living in the fantasy that you were not. This is going to eat at her. A little dose of reality that she is getting "leftovers".

You say your H's behavior of the last w days is"erratic". Could it be that the A is deteriorating/falling apart?

Keep up the Plan A. You are winning.

If anything, Alison's WH is becoming like Charles on Dr. Phil's today.

Personally I think he's figured out that he'll get better sex from BOTH of them if he plays them against each other. Time to stop putting out in my opinion.

I may have to agree with Tric on this one... Last night my H had the balls to say that if he and I do get our marriage back on track that he wants us all (me, him, and Traci) to hang out and be friends.

Before I felt there was an A, I actually did get along very well with her, but after all this, is he friggin crazy. I might kick her. But I did tell my H that if we did get our M back on track that I would want to be involved and any and all different sex relationships that he had...

I told him, I want no secrets, no sneakyness, complete honesty, and inclusion on every part of his life... Is that too muc to ask??

This statement bothers me. Does this mean you are willing to particiapte in any and all sex relationships he has- except with Traci.

Ummm, if your sexual relationship with him is so private, I am not sure how you can be offering to participate in other sexual encounters.

I believe that is called swinging and or maybe polyfidelity?

I'm not really sure you know what you are offering.

At least I hope you don't.

I think she meant involved in all friendships he has whether male or female.

Good Lord NO - I meant different sex relationships (men & woman as friends) Maybe I should have said gender... No sex - never ever would do that....

My apologies, Alison. I suppose we have heard so much about this today that it was the first thing that came to my mind.

Bad couple days here. H just came by to see DD and I just lost it. He wasn't wearing is ring, and I just started to cry.

I can't love him this much right now. It is hurting me. I feel like I die inside every time I see him and don't feel loved by him...

I feel like I am toturing myself because I allow him into my life...

What am I supposed to do... Can't stop crying right now...

By losing it, did you mean you yelled at him or cried and and broke down.

I think it is fine to say that the A is hurting you and the love you still have for him, but I think you should really try to be your attractive self. Showing your other weaker self is more repellent. The A is fun, exciting, then when he comes to you and you are on his case or acting weak and pathetic he wants to escape.

I think you really need to re-evaluate your plan and then stick to it. At some point you may need to go to plan B.

Alison -

Have you exposed everywhere you can?

I know this is hard. It broke my heart when my H stopped wearing his ring. I asked him to wear it last year at DS's birthday party. He did. After everyone left he immediately took it off. Couldn't wait to get it off his finger.

I'm sorry you are hurting so badly.

Kim

Trix - I am trying so hard. I broke down and cried, I rarely get angry anymore...

I think you are totally right about repelling him, but some days I can't control it (the crying). The last couple days I have been very emotional...

I was feeling so strong and them all of a sudden I fell apart...

I will try to get back on track, but am just feeling lost right now...

Why does this ave to happen??? Where does this sadness come from. 3 days ago I was on top of the world, and today it all come crashing in. I feel like I am in a dark hole and I can't dig myself out...

I feel like I have no life other than my DD... Where does the loneliness come from???

I feel like I just can't keep putting myself trough seeing him as much as I do... We are separated, but he comes over every night to hang out and talk. I just can't do it anymore - I feel like I am being completely drained...

What in the world has happened to me??

Allison,

I just wanted to let you know that what is happening is quite normal. I did the same things.

You're going through an emotional rollercoaster right now.

I know that I would go through moments of feeling incredibly strong and positive.

Then I'd simply crash and feel as if my heart was being torn out of my chest. I'd loose hope.

As I became stronger, those moments of strength would become longer and longer. Eventually, my hopeless times became less until I finally had more good moments, and then days and then weeks.

It's a process though and one that you can't really predict.

It's not an answer and I don't have a solution for you. But I wanted you to know that what you're experiencing isn't out of the ordinary.

You WILL dig yourself out. It WILL get better.

((((Allison))))

-FIM

He seems so on the fence. What do you think is going to change your current status?

You were going to take a week break from each other? Did that happen? It sounded like he was still coming over most nights. If you've done a good enough plan A then maybe he needs to know what it would be like to be totally without you and only seeing your DD as custody provides. Let OW meet all his need.

Can you afford to councel with Steve Harley or Jennifer Chalmers?

Thanks Faith - it is just so wierd. I swear for over 2 weeks, I was feeling great - like my life was really getting back on track...

Now I feel like I have been fooling myself. I feel like I am on the fence... I feel like I can't live like this - with false hope and with H coming in and out of my life. The good days are great. The bad days are horrid.

I am supposed to go to see his brother (with H & DD) who just came back from Iraq. BIL - has no idea we are even separated and I am not sure I can hold it together. My has has asked me to let him tell his broter about us...

I just am not sure I am strong enough to put up this front... I was 3 days ago - but now I am not so sure...

Trix - I cannot afford SH therapy right now... Money is VERY tight...

We have not done a week off, but I think I need that. I need it so I can work on me without seeing H and being hurt by him just being in my presence...

I want to be able to stick to my guns on the limited contact though and as of yet I have been unable to do so...
I so enjoy our evenings - even though they feel forced at times. I assume I am just lonely when DD goes to bed and H coming over fills a need or a void...

Maybe we both need to feel the void in order to be able to come to any sort of decision.

I, most of the time, want this man in my life, but lately him being in my life is taking more than I have to give. I think that is why I am so down. I feel like I am giving and trying so hard to work on the M, but I get noting in return from H...

And I don't know what would change our current status... Any suggestions???

This just sucks!!!