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Joined: Nov 2005
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Ferra,

I have several thoughts on this as my FWH is working on his lying habits today. He lied about everything too even when there was no point to it. He is also disconnected from his emotions.

We've figured out a couple of things:
1. He's passive-aggressive. Read this thread about it. Very important if this is the problem you H has. http://www.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/sho...part=1&vc=1

If it's Narcissistic behavior, good luck with that. My cousin's wife is narcissistic & it's he11 on earth for my cousin. I cannot see what he stays with her - serial liar, cheater, criminal behavior, etc. She will not acknowledge she has any problem at all.

2. You H's relationship with God. This is the KEY to success. We are now attending EVERY service at church, my FWH is reading his bible daily & praying all the time. He is working to sanify himself.

This is important for one reason in your H's case:

Don't expect your life to change if your Bible gathers dust on some shelf.

Sanctification does not mean sinless perfection, otherwise
Christ could never say, "I sanctify Myself" (v. 19), for He had no sin. A sanctified Christian is someone who is daily growing in the Word and as a result is separated more and more from the world unto the Father. [Wiersbe Expository Outlines]

"Sanctify them through thy truth." -- John 17:17
Sanctification begins in regeneration. The Spirit of God infuses into man that new living principle by which he becomes "a new creature" in Christ Jesus. This work, which begins in the new birth, is carried on in two ways-- mortification, whereby the lusts of the flesh are subdued and kept under; and vivification, by which the life which God has put within us is made to be a well of water springing up unto everlasting life. This is carried on every day in what is called "perseverance," by which the Christian is preserved and continued in a gracious state, and is made to abound in good works unto the praise and glory of God; and it culminates or comes to perfection, in "glory," when the soul, being thoroughly purged, is caught up to dwell with holy beings at the right hand of the Majesty on high. But while the Spirit of God is thus the author of sanctification, yet there is a visible agency employed which must not be forgotten. "Sanctify them," said Jesus, "through thy truth: thy word is truth." The passages of Scripture which prove that the instrument of our sanctification is the Word of God are very many. The Spirit of God brings to our minds the precepts and doctrines of truth, and applies them with power. These are
heard in the ear, and being received in the heart, they work in us to will and to do of God's good pleasure. The truth is the sanctifier, and if we do not hear or read the truth, we shall not grow in sanctification. We only progress in sound living as we progress in sound
understanding. "Thy word is a lamp unto my feet and a light unto my path." Do not say of any error, "It is a mere matter of opinion." No man indulges an error of judgment, without sooner or later tolerating an error in practice. Hold fast the truth, for by so holding the truth
shall you be sanctified by the Spirit of God. [Morning and Evening by Charles H. Spurgeon]


BS (me) 40 FWH 39
Married: 2/14/99
Together: 16 years
DD 6, DS 4, DD 3, DD 2, DS 2
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BTW-Ferra, I've told my FWH that he too was the best liar I've ever seen. I never caught him cheating & rarely ever caught him lying. I think it just flowed off the tongue for him.


BS (me) 40 FWH 39
Married: 2/14/99
Together: 16 years
DD 6, DS 4, DD 3, DD 2, DS 2
Joined: Jan 2006
Posts: 24
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I could probably go to counseling with my H & he would lie to them. Do you think that if we ordered lie detectors in bulk that we could get a discount? Next time I'm in Sams Club or Costco, I might look & see if they have them....lol. Maybe I can become a wholesaler & suppliment my income......I could probably make a million just by advertising here @ MB! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

Joined: Jul 2004
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Quote
This is my concern. If he lies about the small things isn't there a REALLY GOOD chance that he will lie about any and everything else?

We have talked about this for a while and I stressed to him that you can not have a relationship without trust and right now I don't trust him at all. We did the love buster questionaire and he agreed that he does in fact lie on a regular basis


Yep that is my concern too somewhat. The question to me was always if you'll lie about ONE thing, you will lie about anything. I smirk when I hear people say, "I wouldn't lie about that!" Those people will lie about anything that protects thier comfort. I have no respect for them. Whether it is an affair, or their favorite football team.

Ferra, sometimes what makes our spouses good liars is the fact we want to believe thier lies.

They don't really fool anyone else. Read on this forum, people can pick out lie after lie from active WS, but in thier own situations they have difficutly.

That is why it is good to come here and have someone slap you in the face and say... "she's lying knucklehead" Sometimes we still don't listen.

I have taken the "show me" tact. Nothing is true until I see it. It is a sad state of affairs, (no pun intended).





.


. I walk the recovery path too, ... but I walk alone. HOW 'BOUT THEM STEELERS! . I've finally realized now, that you just have to keep breathing. Tomorrow the sun will rise, and who knows what the tide will bring. Tom Hanks (Castaway, 2000)
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