Well, nothing much has changed with my situation. Divorce is still on. STBXW determination to go forward with D is unabated.

But me personally..... for whatever reason over the past 3-4 weeks I have experienced a noticable fading of anger. I really don't feel angry any more. Maybe it is because I am so emotionaly exhausted. I still feel sad a lot of the time. The deepest sadness occurs around the home when I can see her, look at her.... and remember..... So honestly I try not to look directly at her.....

But, 3-4 weeks ago I made a conscious decision to BE HAPPY! And if not necessarily feeling it, to act as if I am, acting upbeat, pleasant, etc....
At first it was a push, but it did not take long before the mere effort of acting happy actually made my mood better.

She may say otherwise, as she continues to view everything pertaining to me through a negatively skewed light. But I know that I am more pleasant, not angry, not having an "attitude" around home. It has made a big difference in my interactions with my kids, and a big difference in my overall mood.

I guess I am moving forward..... I still think stbxw and I could save our M if we both wanted too, but I also think those that stbxw confides in contine to encourage her that D is the only option she has left.

My IC is very good. He is retired Aif Force, I was 9yrs Army, so we have similar communication styles. He will call B.S. on me in a second. I look back at the MC we went to right after d-day and shake my head. She had zero ability to reach me or have an impact on me. Not necessarily a criticism of her. But I wish she would have referred me to my current IC sooner. She didn't until STBXW and I were already seperated.

I truly believe that if we had went to my current IC right off the bat for MC, we would be well down the road of recovery. He GETS me. He knows how to communicate with me and how to pursuade me nad how to effectively use insight that I can relate to.

And the sad thing is, the MC we chose was really just a roll of the dice. Our church referred us to the center, so we just called up and got scheduled with... whoever.....

I remember 4 weeks in to it pushing MC for a treatment plan. We never got one. I should have pushed sooner and changed MC's when one was not forthcoming....
Now our old MC is stbxw's IC and she tells stbxw that it is best to D me because "he will never change".
I spoke to that MC alone on 2 occasions, period. I have spoken to her once since October, and that was mid-Decmber. So her statements about my abilities in general bother me.

But, as I said earlier, my anger seems to have left me like a cloud that finally moved on. I am now working to let my stress and anxieties do the same, and they are, albiet a bit slower......

Life with my kids is great. Spring is getting closer and with it all the activities we enjoy.

Maybe I am just to the point that I feel arguing with her or being angry with her just prolongs my pain and suffering and unhappiness, and maybe I am just tired of it all.

Here are some quotes that I have found that I really enjoy and have been providing me with comfort lately......


On forgiveness....




On marriage.....





And hey, I can even find humor in divorce....




I am coming to accept that life moves on. Regardless of whether my short term future follows the path the I want, it will take a path nonetheless. I might as well embrace it and make the most of it.....

Wow TD,
I hear a lot of meloncholie(sp) sadness in your post and I must say, if your WW is still insisiting on D, it is no wonder.
Sometimes, for reasons we will never understand, our WW's just don't get it. They think they are doing something to improve their lives(ie: D) and don't realise they are actually destroying any real chance for true happiness in their future. Try explaining that to a WS and they look at you like you have two heads.
As a BS, I feel so terribly sad for your sitch, because, you are probably right in assuming, that if you had the right C you two may have had a chance to save this M.
I have very little faith in C's nowadays, because they have adapted to the ways of the world, and have neglected the biblical truths from whence they should be guiding.
60-70% of therapists will, for instance, tell an individual, that it would be wrong to confess your infidelity to your S because you would do too much harm to your M. No one seems to realise, the harm has already been done.
TD, forgiveness is exactly what you need to put all your focus on, because, regardless of which path you find yourself on, you must still forgive in order for YOU to have a life of grace and forfullment. Your life will always be imcomplete without true forgiveness. I do hope you persue this with all of your heart. God will be there to hold and sustain you on this path. You must trust in Him completely!
All Blessings,
Jerry

No words of wisdom from me, sorry. Thank you for up-dating us - sorry your situation has not improved re: repairing your marriage. There are lots of good folks here who do care.

If reconcilation is not to be, focus on being the best Dad you can. Maybe soon you'll edit your screen name?

"Refreshed_Dad"? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

I'm still keeping both you and BreakingThread in prayer, T_D.

T Dad, I'm glad you have gotten to the point of letting the anger go. I'm still awaiting my divorce to finalize, and I am trying to get to that point.

Like you, a divorce is the last thing that I want, but sometimes we don't have a choice.

I loved the quotes! Thanks.

Shine, you nailed my situation and probably many others on the head with your first paragraph. Is there no way to get through to them?

Tired41

Here's a question for everybody.....


I took the kids to a church function last night at a local skating rink. The 10yr and 8yr sons were zooming around, and I was slowly making it around the rink with the 3yr daughter (props to her, she is fearless!). And so many of my church friends, who don't know my sitch, were coming over to me with comments. All the women, and some men, were saying generally the same thing....


"Oh how nice. You gave Mom a night off from the kids. That is so sweet of you. Is that part of your Valentines gift to her? She is so lucky".

What am I to say...?

"No, she is divorcing me and this is my week with the kids."

"Nope, this is not a Valentine's gift from me, and this is the first Valentine's day in 19yrs that I haven't gotten her anything!" (VD 1987, before we met and she was not quite 15rs old and I had just turned 17yrs old!)

By the looks of things, this divorce is going to take several months. I am really not sure how to answer people in these types of situations in the interim.


On the positive side, we had a great time at the roller rink!
My weekend was jam-packed from start to finish with kids stuff. It left me tired to start the work-week, but I wouldn't change a thing.


Heck, Saturday evening, after both boys placed 2nd and 3rd in their cub scout pack pinewood derby (yep, dad has some skills, just barely) and qualified to move on to districts, I took them out for a celebration dinner. I invited stbxw to join us, and she did. The kids enjoyed it even more with her there and that is what is important.

Tired,

I hate those questions, and have heard them a lot. I always try to tell the truth, but that's hard to do without getting into a long discussion. Sometimes I just say "We are no longer together" and leave it at that.

I didn't buy STBXW anything for V-Day either. It's the first time in 8 years. I always loved buying things for her, and tried to do something a little different each year. I will miss not buying her things probably more than she will.

I'm glad that you had fun with your kids. I had my son this weekend and it was nice. I hated for him to go back to his mom's house, and I'm already dreading next weekend, in which I will be alone.

Hang tough.

Tired41