Blondblossom -

My point in saying provide him with contact information was so that he wasn't just left out there flapping in the wind.

How you someone feel receiving a CD proving your W was having an A with no further information. Won't he be confused? Won't he have questions?

I wasn't suggesting that they get together for lunch or anything...just make herself available to him so she can offer answers to his questions and then remove herself competely from the situation.

maybe that's a bad suggestion...I gave FOWH my contact information and told him to call me if he had any questions. I also gave him the address to this website and told him he could take steps to save his marriage if he wanted to.

I'm probably crazy for doing that...for worrying about his health and their M...when i was trying to save my own M. I felt sorry for him because he was hurting the same way I was hurting.

We never spoke to each other after that day and I'm glad that I did what I thought was right.

I think that under normal circumstances you should probably be available to the OP's spouse, but this particular situation seems a little volatile......

I think there should definitely be a letter of explanation, at least.

I dunno, I'm sure that the OW know's where they live and knows the phone number anyway.....but if she's all crazy, who's saying he won't come and try to shoot her WH?

Ya never know....

God Bless,

-Caren

vettech,

I can't advise you at all on your very scary confrontation with a unstable, violent person. But I wanted to help you with your recorder situation.

I have the same recorder. It is digital and designed to put the recording directly onto your computer. You just plug it into a USB port and copy it to the hard drive. After that, just copy it to a CD. I would make an extra CD and store it at a friend's house, safety deposit box, something like that. It is VERY easy to erase that file off the recorder and then you will have nothing.

It is very easy to do this and your computer friend will hopefully be able to do it for you. In the meantime, keep a good battery in it. If it sits "dead" too long you could lose your file.

bump...Hope it goes well!

I agree completely with CarenMc.

No contact letter + tape + letter of explanation
and then NO CONTACT!

Vet, how are things???

bb

Vettech -

Give us an update...Let us know you are OK. (I watch way too many lifetime movies...I thought about VT all night last night.)

I think we all agree tape, nc letter, letter stating facts alone....run like the wind blows. Get out of this situation!

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Vet

where are you???? Is everything ok???

bb

When people are dealing with such a nut job for an OW it's easy to get concerned. I hope she's okay.

I hope so too!

I'm here guys and I'm ok... SO FAR!! I had a Remicade treatment this morning and didn't get home from the hospital until 4:15 pm. I have them every 6 weeks for Crohn's Disease.
WH just left for bowling, Don't worry, Thursdays he rides and bowls with his dad.

The OWH got the tape last night, Dave ran it up for me. I didn't get a chance to listen to it first but he said that it came out good. You can tell what happening! I did add a note with my cell phone number and that I thought his wife may try something! To please keep her away from me, what had already happened between us at the bowling alley, and that I would go to the police!!

I am a nervous wreck, the waiting to see what she is going to do is killing me!!!!

WH signed and dated the no contact letter today and also my agreement list, (when I was on my way home from the hospital). I didn't want him to read it in front of me. He called me back and told me yes to everything and to anything I may want in the future! I started bawling! No contact letter goes in the mail tomorrow morning!

Hmmm,
So, OWH's finds out last night and today, your husband is ready to do anything you want? Oh paaaaaleeeeeasssseeee tell me that exposure ain't the way to go!

If that ain't textbook, I don't know what is.

Way to go, Vettech11!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> Keep the strength! (And keep us posted!) <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smirk.gif" alt="" />

Rookkev
LOTF - Thanks!!
If the OW or OWH contacts me you'll be the first to know!
Gotta got to bed now, I'm allergic to the remicade and they have to give me benadryl and steriods... Makes me really sleepy for the rest of the day.
Hugs to all!!

Vet,

NOW after that has been done, you are ready for the next step............
No matter what your WS signed, I still wouldn't trust him.
OW will probably try to contact him.......this usually does happen, so be prepared.

You might want to take the next step.........how about a "get away" weekend? Just you and your WS.
This will be a new start for "new & positive" experiences.

Vet, Stay on track!!!! You sound GREAT!!!!! Have trust in yourself!!!<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

hugs
bb

Blondblossom, I am changing your name to Awsomeblossom!! Thanks to you and everyone else who has given me advise, I
couldn't have done this without you and MB!
WH has already asked if we could take a trip. He has never seen snow and when our income tax comes in we're planning on going to the mountains of NC. YEA!!
I still haven't heard from the OW. Maybe her husband had something to do with that. Or maybe because she thinks there may be a restraining order against her and she hasn't received the paperwork yet. Last Thursday when I went to file they said you have to have 2 assalts and couldn't do it. I didn't tell WH that though. I just told him I did it!
Possibly he told her? I don't care as long as she stays the heck away from me!
And don't worry about the trust issue guys, I'm still watching!

Vet,

the next step would be to have all cellphone numbers changed, just in case.
Remember: NO CONTACT IS NO CONTACT!!!!

Then you go on and begin to "Live the best Life EVER!!!!"

Enjoy your holiday, Vet!!!!

bb (Awsomeblossom) I gotta think about that one! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Vet
just wanted to pop in and see how things are going.

hugs
bb

Blossom
Things are going great. WH has been home all weekend and we have spent alot of time together doing things, guess he took me seriously when I said we needed quality time together! He has been super sweet and attentive.
But, One day at a time.... I still won't be letting my guard down for along time to come!
No word whatsoever from the OW or her husband.
Hugs!

Hi Vet,

remember to include things that will make him feel good about you and that bring up fond feelings.
Show him that you are his friend, lover and that "YOU" are the best thing in his life!!!!

The things I did: (and they definately had an affect without "words")

-massages..............
-bubble baths..........+ bottle of wine + candles
-smiles and little things to get you both laughing
-little notes (in the car, in the shower etc.) just saying that you are thinking of him
-go out with friends that make you feel good!!!!
-go dancing, walking, swimming, suntan-studio...........

These are just a few suggestions and we both love to think back about all these things that we were doing just after d-d. Because they are new-shared experiences and because they have nothing to so with the affair, they helped us incredibly to "pull back together".

Don't dwell on OW and OWH..............Live your life the best you can!!!!!!!

Have you read the Emotion Needs section here in Marriage Builders?? If not...............I'd do that also.
Don't educate your husband about these things but educate yourself. Find out what his most important needs are.

Give this time..................the time will come and you too can talk to him about your emotional needs. But for now I'd concentrate on stabalizing your relationship.

Have you both gotten tested yet??? If not be sure to protect yourself if you do have sex!!!!!!!!! IMPORTANT!!!!!!

hugs
bb