I spent quite alot of time reflecting on what you have tried to say to me in one form or another, and, I think I've found a possible answer to why i reacted the way I did.
self reflection can sometimes be a good thing.
I believe I never contacted XW of Om out of fear.
The fear that my W was not telling me the whole truth about what had actually transpired between her and OM. I stated to her on the day after DDay that she was lying to me . Making up a story that she had to give to me to explain the fact that I was now carrying an STD. Her story is plausible and could be actually true.
But there were other factors about her life at this time(without going into everything) that sorta be lie what could easily be concluded as the real truth(ie: a long term affair with her boss.)
The bottom line is, it could very well be that the real truth has not been revealed to me, in spite of my begging my W to reveal such, if it were so.
There is a possiblity that I don't want to contact XW because I don't want to have to discover that my w has, and continues to be, untruthful to ME.
So I guess we could reawson that there is another factor to consider here, my fear.
I don't want to go thru another DDay, I don't think I could handle it. My W probably senses the same thing. So at what point do you simply let go and move on( this might make my exam Q to you more relevant)?
Should I contact this person to find out she's been bought off to keep her mouth shut or not? (She was allegedly given twenty thousand dollar to move on, as a preliminary setttlement. Hmmmmmmm, I find that rather strange.)
I apologise for anything adverseraly that I may have have said to you or others. I'm begginning to see why the DEFENCE. It's my wall of sanity!! Heaven forbid you should attack it <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />.
All blessings,
Jerry

bump

Shine through,

I am pleasantly surprised that you went against your own word and still reached back out here on the board.
I think that is very big of you. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />
(NO Sarcasm Intended).

I appreciate your giving me more detail into your thoughts.
Just wish we could have gotten to this point before
(but hey, stuff happens). Am I right??

I'll humbly accept your Olive Branch in the spirit it was given! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Perhaps more later .....Just didn't want you to think I was Ignoring you! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

Can you know go back and re-read that other thread, with your current understanding and perhaps not view it as being so hostile, mean and/or condescending? Can you perhaps see that the 2 x 4's given to you were well intended? ...that being "right" was NOT the particular posters purpose for arguing with you and others at all? Can you see how offended the thread "host" or "starter" may be that you and others effectively shut down his discussion?

If so...is an apology simply to "others" enough? If not, no worries...you'll get there.

Remember, we all came around to your position and said we'd all likely not tell OM's X-wife ourselves...but still wanted you to think about it. Consider the decision and the ethical choices you made and are making. Further, there are newbies and lurkers fresh to infidelity reading your words. Can you see that your DEFENCE's could be misunderstood by them as the "fight" was going on?

BTW, from what you just discovered and revealled about yourself above...you've made PROGRESS. Congrats...Jerry.

Amends????

Mr. Wondering

Continuing on ST,
I next want to apologize for any reference or remark that may have impacted on your Faith.
Regardless of my irritation,
it was uncalled for. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

Next,
I found that except for the last few days I don't really KNOW much about you.
As a result,
I went back (and I believe) found if not your first post ....Probably your first thread.

Interestingly enough (at least to me <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />),
it was almost 5 pages of you and (guess who??) melody lane having an actual positive chat.

Just kind of surprised me, as I sure wasn't expecting That!

hI TOP ROPE,
I wasn't ignoring you but have been out most of this evening.
Yes I did have an extenuated talk with ML but that wa about 9 mos. ago when my mother was dyeing.
Ultimately, she did die last May and to my heart felt joy, it was in my arms. she was 86 years old and it was her time.
Mel was very helpful in this time of trouble for me and I guess I still appreciate her for that.
Beyond that there is not a whole lot to know about me, just another blue collar scmuck trying to make a go of life. The only thing I ever had was my W and my family. Take that away from me and I am nothing more than an ameba in a petri dish. Sad.but very true.
I have expressed to you my very worst fear, I guess this used to be my hill to die on. I am not so sure anymore. And i must tell you, I am so very sad that you have somehow shaken me off this hill. Perhaps it is time to face my worst fears and talk to OW. After 4 and 1/2 years, thi may be my hill to die on after all.
I do so hope I have not disrespected you or any other people on this thread or the previous thread. I am sorry. do you understand why I felt the need to stop you in your tracks?
I think you threatened my sanity. But, alas, it may have been my own preconcived sanity.

All blessings,
Jerry

He He,
so what are you saying, that I somehow can't have a positive chat with someone. It' exactly what I'm trying to do with you, in spite of your somehow, once again, trying to body slam me in front of all forum posters.
Yes, I've read the other post where you decided it was somehow necessary to body slam me in front of all other forum posters, once again.
Could you explain to me why I offered the olive branch, as you put it, and then you promptly threw it into the campfire as if it were never offered in the first place?
You've left me totally confused and fustrated. I don't know what else to say or do, perhaps you could explain(and you're not obligated to do so)?

Shinethrough:

Now this IS a total and complete Misunderstanding.
For which I totally apologize.

(Which is TOTALLY my Fault, I will admit). <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

Let me explain:

While responding to UVA's thread his issue is about ML and what went on with her, and other posters, blah, blah blah.

OK,
are ya with me .........while reading and then responding I was Totally thinking of the Lem thread as far as it Dealt with Mel.
(Honestly I figured WE were done).

So as I got on my rant (which the point of I still believe in, whether you and I are arguing about it or not) ....well I got on the issue of posters basically not defending their posts, yet coming back and commenting anyways.

The person that was doing this with MEL was Surviver.
Go look,
he was the one that MEL LN was going back and forth over this issue.

As a result,
This was the poster I was thinking of and consentrating on during this particular post.
(guess I should have went with my first instinct and just posted his name ....but then I thought of all the previous posts on the UVA thread and tempests [which all said BE NICE] --- so I decided I'd just let mr. S figure it out for himself).

So although you and I HAVE had our own issues,
I WAS NOT referring to you.
Guess reason I was NOT thinking of you, is I guess I considered our issue squashed.

Errrrr, got a towel handy ...........I'd like to get some of this Yolk off my face before it dries! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/blush.gif" alt="" />

I sincerely apologize that I forgot your board name starts with an S as well.
Can you spell Brain Fart??
Guess I am getting OLDer.
Getting harder to play connect the dots!

I know this is not funny to you, (nor should it be)
but just seeing that you posted again here (which I WAS very interested to see) ........and then reading your accusation (which totally Baffled Me at the moment) .......then going back and reading (what DID I WRITE??) .....then Finding that S comment ......its LIKE <hitting my palm to my head> how could I "F" up somethin this simple??

So I'm laughing at myself for being such a schmuck !!

So to be clear,
on That thread I was referring to someone else.

I understand how it Would seem otherwise,
and I take responsibility for my own short sightedness.

Messed up part is I held back a full name,
so that hurt feelings wouldn't occur .......yet HERE I go and create it anyway.

So much for Good intentions.

I Apologize and AM Truly sorry for giving you any Undo stress.
Seems that I hurt you more unintentionally then I EVER could even with real intent.
Didn't mean in any way to make you feel trampled on after you had such a big revelation.

Boy my timing with this one really sucked.

Maybe I'll go back to going with my first instinct.
This 2nd guessing myself (for the "boards" sake) sure seems to have backfired on me this time.

Also sorry I didn't see this post earlier.
Feel bad <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" /> that you got left twisting in the wind (especially when it was unecessary).
Sheeeesh I am batting at a high %% today, huh?
My BAD!

Guess I better get ready for Him coming at me next, OHH Boy!
Maybe I should be the one to leave the Board again. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/crazy.gif" alt="" />

By the way,
I went back and modified the S comment (so that it can't be connected to your handle).

<still shaking Head at self> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/crazy.gif" alt="" />

Hi top( oh shoot, that sounds like a sneaker i used to wear)
See how easy it is for me to put my foot in my mouth?
Thanks for the recant and clarification about other post.
Perhaps, I was displaying a little paronoia.
I must admit, I'm still stuck wiht the idead of exposing to xw of om. This summer will be 5 years since all of this took place. And xw is so far removed from that period in her life, that I still am having trouble thinking that exposure to her about my w could have any positive impact at all. However, the potential for some very negative impact does truly exits. You gonna have to take my word on this.
I really don't think my grown sons have to know what their loving mother did in an act of insanity during one day in her life. I don't think that day should define her life. It's simply not fair. Just my thoughts, I guess.

OT: I gotta put this out there b/c its cracking me up so bad.
There is a new bumper sticker comeing out that reads:

I'D RATHER BE HUNTING WITH CHENEY
THAN DRIVING WITH TED KENNEDY

LMAO, I couldn't resist
Jerry