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Make sure you put 'your boundary' in that note, like I did. Your boundary may be different than mine but it w/b a deal breaker for you.
If you do the phone call....practice 1st.
take care,
L.
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Kim- See you've got it together, you're even gonna run and do errands <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> (As opposed to getting consumed and obsessive about the whole thing). Good Luck, I know you can do this! God Bless, -Caren
Always Look For Grace Given, Even in the midst of Grace Denied.
BS-Me 39
WH-37
Together 15 years
Married 12 years
7 kids total, His: SD20, SS18, Twin SS's 16.
Mine: DD22, DD15
Ours: DD12
Affair began Fall 04, Separated Fall 04,2 Failed Plan B attempts, False recovery of sorts Spring 05.......Still pluggin' away.
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My previous messages have indicated that I am not willing to discuss things with you until the 3rd wheel is out of your life. Well, what I have come to know is that the 3rd wheel must be out of MY LIFE in order for me to move forward. Yeah, right. Caren - Good Point! I am functioning just fine I suppose. Still nervous. Guess I should go practice my phone coversation shortly!! Kim
Last edited by kimberly234; 03/07/06 10:43 PM.
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"I just thought you would eventually accept my relationship with OW." Oh my! It really is a fog these WS are in! Sorry Kim, but it took me by such a surprise to read that line I just laughed. You are doing great! I am cheering out here for you. Lets hope he is coming out of the fog. Daisy
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Thanks Daisy. If the WS's could really only hear how ridiculous, cruel and heartless they sound .......
Take care!!!!
Kim
D-Day May 14th, 2005
Married 16 Years
DS age 8
6 months Plan A
Plan B 10-11-05, H moved back in June 2007, Very False Recovery.
2nd Day-Day 7/7/08 Kicked WH Out.
Plan B for my sanity
"Enjoy the little things, for one day you may look back and realize they were the big things." Robert Brault
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ML - Just the suggestions I needed!! I will ask him an open-ended question and see how he responds!!!!
Kim Yeah, let him talk and you ZIP IT Much better to see what he comes up with than for you to do all the talking and him say yes, no, uh huh.... But remember, words are cheap. It's his actions you have to watch.
Money can buy you a fine dog, but only love can make him wag his tail.
~ Kinky Friedman
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ML - Just the suggestions I needed!! I will ask him an open-ended question and see how he responds!!!!
Kim Yeah, let him talk and you ZIP IT Much better to see what he comes up with than for you to do all the talking and him say yes, no, uh huh.... But remember, words are cheap. It's his actions you have to watch. Good plan. On the phone is better 'cuz he won't see the clothes pin on your lips. LOL!!!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" /> L.
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But remember, words are cheap. It's his actions you have to watch. Exactly Susan! Good plan. On the phone is better 'cuz he won't see the clothes pin on your lips. LOL!!!! I think I've got one of those somewhere!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />
D-Day May 14th, 2005
Married 16 Years
DS age 8
6 months Plan A
Plan B 10-11-05, H moved back in June 2007, Very False Recovery.
2nd Day-Day 7/7/08 Kicked WH Out.
Plan B for my sanity
"Enjoy the little things, for one day you may look back and realize they were the big things." Robert Brault
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**deleted**
Kim
Last edited by kimberly234; 03/07/06 10:45 PM.
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O.k. - WH dropped DS off. He didn't come up. That means he got my message.
Kim
Last edited by kimberly234; 03/07/06 10:46 PM.
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**deleted**
Kim
Last edited by kimberly234; 03/11/06 07:03 PM.
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Sending you good vibes for your phone conversation, Kim. Deep breath.... you can do it!
(Formerly SadMommy05)
BS, 29 (me)
XH, 27
DD, 1
M, 2001 high school sweethearts
OW, 36, divorcee, "we have a friendship people can't understand"
WH left out of the blue 9/5/2005
I filed 11/1/2005 D finalized 6/20/06 
XH and OW married 1/6/07. Ugh!
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Thanks SadMommy! Less than 8 minutes...
I just realized that he might ask me what his NC letter should say. I am reading the example in SAA.
I need all the good vibes I can get!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I am also rereading the posts from earlier. I feel like I am cramming for a test.
Kim
D-Day May 14th, 2005
Married 16 Years
DS age 8
6 months Plan A
Plan B 10-11-05, H moved back in June 2007, Very False Recovery.
2nd Day-Day 7/7/08 Kicked WH Out.
Plan B for my sanity
"Enjoy the little things, for one day you may look back and realize they were the big things." Robert Brault
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Kim, remind him over and over again that the goal is not the NC letter, but a true end of his affair and a recommittment to your marriage. The letter is just his SINCERE DEMONSTRATION of the end of the affair and his recommittment to you. If it is not sincere, it is worthless.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Gotcha ML!!
I am printing that out too!! I am going to lay all of this stuff out on the kitchen table so I'll have it available as we talk.
Now, just waiting on the call.....
Kim
D-Day May 14th, 2005
Married 16 Years
DS age 8
6 months Plan A
Plan B 10-11-05, H moved back in June 2007, Very False Recovery.
2nd Day-Day 7/7/08 Kicked WH Out.
Plan B for my sanity
"Enjoy the little things, for one day you may look back and realize they were the big things." Robert Brault
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Just got off the phone w/WH. I really don't know how I did!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I sounded a bit flat on the phone......I know I did.
Started off the conversation like ML suggested...
He said he is done.
I told him that we missd him too. That DS missed him.
I don't know what I was expecting......For some reason I thought that he would be happier to talk to me....
Kim
Last edited by kimberly234; 03/08/06 10:22 PM.
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Oh, I did tell him the goal was NOT The NC letter, but an end to the A & committment to the M.
K
Last edited by kimberly234; 03/11/06 07:04 PM.
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Well, what is your next step? Does he realize that the letter needs to go to the OWH also? That he owes him amends? Then he told me that he knew I had trust issues with him but for all he knew that I was sharing info with OWH. Started spewing off about OW and OWH. I said "WH don't even go there. If you are going there then we don't need to talk any further. This conversation does not need to be about them. The focus needs to be on us." I would make it very clear that this does need to be shared with OWH since it also effects his life. i think you did very good, Kim! I would just take this slow and make him prove to you that he is sincere. If you don't think he is sincere, then go dark again.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Oh, I did tell him the goal was NOT The NC letter, but an end to the A & committment to the M.
He did bring up that he was flat broke/bankrupt & that he wondered if he was confused about his reasons for working on the M. And didn't I wonder about it too?
I told him that if he was not ready to sincerely commit to the M then we didn't need to talk any further.
K i love it! You did very good. I would continue to test his sincerity, Kim. Make him prove to you that he is sincere. If he questions, then he shouldn't be coming back now. Keep telling him this.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Very Very PROUD of YOU!!!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" /> U did fine. I could feel your tension but also felt you melt is away and what he say was a strong W and mother setting the bar at a level which has value. See how important it is NOT to do all for him? The WS in him would allow you to spend your all to do the NC for him. Now you get to wait and see what his NC letter really means. You didn't do ok. U did GREAT!!! Now go do something fun and rewarding. C/b something simple like indulging in good chocolate, favorite deseert, Starbucks, Jamba juice, good glass of wine.....something rewarding. U deserve it. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" /> Hugz, L.
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