Kim, do you know what Steve Harley told one of our BBQ members yesterday? You know how the general rule is don't expose in Plan B? Well, SH told her he LOVES exposure in Plan B! The reason is because without the BS around, the affairees lovebust each other! Which makes perfect sense. He said it was real effective!

So, keep on the OWH. If you find out they are still together, you could even call his mother again. Anyone else you can think of?

I was just getting ready to read the post I think you are referring to. I will keep on the OWH. Are you referring to WH's Mom??

I can't think of anyone else to expose to.....except for my parents. I just can't bring myself to do that.

Hmmmmm.....I could call OW's work(even though she's an independent contractor) that could stir up things. I don't know where WH works.

I'll keep thinking.

Kim

You haven't told your own mother, Kim?? WHY?

Mel - I'm sending you an e-mail.

Hey, I musta missed that lesson when you all learned NOT to expose in plan B. Why not? Got less to lose since the WS can't yell at the BS as much. Oh they try but hey, I'm in plan B, right? I've always thought plan B was perfect for exposing. Or am I getting senile?!??! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

L.

That does make sense Orchid. He could call me all he wants, but I'll just erase his vm messages just like last time!!

Here's my next dilemma since I'm in Plan B. School is out soon. I'm looking at a day camp for DS, but would have to pay for the whole summer up front. I gave info to WH to look over - it's only been a couple of days & it doesn't say in there that we will have to pay up front.

How do I communicate back & forth about that without an Intermediary? I guess the easiest thing would be to just TELL him that's what I've chosen, Pay the money up front myself & then have him pay me back every other week.

I know he can't give me any money now b/c he is broke. I am just worried about getting the money from him later.

Kim

I agree 110% with this that Mel stated.

The NC is an indication of sincerity and SIMPLE for a WS to do when READY to end the A. I insisted for my WH to do it EACH TIME (unfortunately more than once). He gladly complied once he was READY to end the A....

Steve H. told me to ASSUME that there is contact unless you have DEFINITE PROOF that there is NO CONTACT.

Kim-

I just stopped in to check in on you, I've been wondering how you've been doing.

I am taking a break from the site, I just need a rest, but I was worrying about you today.....e-mail me, let me know how you're doing.

God Bless,

-Caren

I did plan B with exceptions to 3 subjects: Mail, $$ and child visitation. I allowed communication on those subjects. Now it was hard because the more I went dark, the harder he tried to find me. LOL!!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

I did not let plan B or any plan stand in the way of the WS keeping his minimal obligations.

L.

O.k......I'm back to a hard Plan B.

I had a good past couple of days. DS & I had a blast yesterday - took him to a local attraction. Can't put off special things b/c WH has chosen to have an Affair.

Thanks for checking in Mimi, Caren & Orchid.

I got an e-mail from OWH finally. He asked me to call him. I will most likely call him in the AM from work. At this point I could care less if it makes WH mad. Wrong attitude, I know. But I am just about ready to be done with this whole mess.

At times I think that I could continue doing this indefinitely. I guess I am the type of person who could just go on and on. But I know there has to be a stop sometime although I have been in Plan B only 6 months.

Hey, Friday was the 6 month anniversary of when I asked WH to move out. Tuesday will be 6 months from me giving him the Plan B letter. Wow.

Well, all's quiet right now. WH called 1/2 hour ago & left a vm stating he was running late brining DS home.

I hope WH is happy for the small amount of time he gets with DS. He has chosen this path and it is quite sad.

Best!

Kim

No, thats the absolute RIGHT attitude. Besides, you are in Plan B so if it makes him mad, you won't be there to hear it! Your job isn't to appease an angry tyrant, its to save your marriage. I am glad you are going to call him!

If the OWH gives you any good updates, I would call WH's mother and bring her up to date. Perhaps she could speak to him.

And think you are going the right thing by staying dark. I am so sorry this is dragging out, but don't let it alarm you. It does not mean it is over, it sometimes takes this long. So hang in there and hold your ground.

Hi Mel! I'm going to hang. And thanks for reminding me to call WH's mom if anything's new. It was great spending time with family the past couple of days too. I feel replenished whereas on Thursday I was depressed, crying and questioning life!!

Roller Coasters are great, huh?

It just sucks that he has this renewed sense of nothingness for our M.

Take Care!

Kim

Kim, he CAN have a renewed sense of committment for your marriage once his affair is over. But I just don't think has happened. That is why I think you should stay in touch with the OWH and look for anymore exposure opportunities in order to kill this affair.

In the meantime, let him languish away in financial insecurity while he chases a married woman who only throws him crumbs. It will get old after a while.

He was ready to crumble right after the holidays, but SOMETHING happened to GIVE HIM FRESH HOPE. That is why I want you to talk to the OWH and put your heads together. Kim, tell him you think there is renewed contact and ask him if he is watching her. Tell him that we can help him and give him tips and ideas on busting her if he comes here.

I wish he would come here!! I gave him this website in the exposure letter I gave him. I will bring it up again....not sure if he is trying to save his M or not.....I hope so!! You would think they would be D'd by now if he wasn't.

I plan on telling him that things WERE moving along & looked like there was some potential. That his wife was actually doing a good job(as far as I knew) with pushing my H away.

Kim

Also be sure and tell him your H said they were in contact "13 days ago." So you KNOW there is still contact going on. He is in the BEST POSITION to catch them! Ask him about putting a voice detector in her car.

I might mention that too!

I'm going to have to go back to not listening to WH's voice mails again. He called twice to say that they were running late. When he finally brought DS home, he didn't send up a check for mortgage. So, I tm him telling him he needed to bring one tonight as the checks needed to be mailed tomorrow.

he called back & said "why wouldn't I answer the phone. he couldn't lie to me in the brief 30 seconds that would we be on the phone and that it could have been an emergency with DS." He was slightly angry. Said that if I would have spoken to him earlier, I could have reminded him about the check!!!! Yeah, like that's my job.

He put a note in with the check that he was operating way in the red and that he was not kidding about finances. He also sent back a bill for the garbage that I gave him to pay. I'll just give it back to him --

"WH - Please pay this. I am here for you when you feel you can take that next step. DS and I will welcome you home with open arms. Love always, Kim"

Kim

Kim, why else would you call him if NOT to mention that? That is the point, to exchange information, right? I am confused now......

No, I might mention that. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

I am definitely going to say something about her calling him back & leaving a message.

Kim

Ok, I understand what you are saying........but when the voice recorder detects what everyone knows is happening anyway.....what happens? Is the supposition that the OWH thinks that his marriage is rosy and the affair is over??? and this revelation will reinforce new boundaries in his marriage....??

Kim....how is the financial planning going? Have you obtained a recent credit report?

Lem - haven't corresponded with OWH since Jan. & it was just to let him know that OW & WH had dinner. I will find out more tomorrow.




I have actually been managing my money very decently. I have not seen a financial planner and think that my first goal is to pay off my cc. SH told WH & I to see a financial analyst.....I have not used a cc in 6 months, so that is a good change. I have not checked my credit rating since late November.......that was back when I thought I was going to get a second mortgage. I qualified without a problem with a very decent interest rate.

Question - WH & I do not have any credit cards together, just house bills are under both of our names(except for mortgage, that's in my name). If he is ruining his credit, will that effect mine??

Thanks for checking in on me. I was doing really well writing down my weekly expenses, etc. so I could establish my budget. I kind of got away from that....need to get back on it!!

Hope you are doing well!!

Kim