(((Sutherland)))

Your posts brought tears to my eyes. I am so glad you and your baby are safe and away from this man. I know your heart is hurting, but please know that people do care about you and you are worth so much more than what this man is giving you right now.

If I'm going to file charges against him, it has to be tomorrow before my hand starts to heal up. Do I need witnesses? Cause I don't think anyone saw it, although it was in the middle of a public street. And if I press charges, what would happen? Would he be arrested or just talked to or required to go to counseling or what? I'm just so afraid of angering him further. i know that he should face the consequences of his own actions but he sees all these things as things I caused, and whether that's true or not, I still have to deal with him in the future, over visitation and a myriad of other issues. It's so hard to make a decision with no sleep and so much going round and round in your head.

Suther?

Does what might happen tell you what you should do? Or does your code tell you what to do?

You can only take your steps and let what comes, come. Growing up is in the journey, not the end. We're always arriving...somewhere.

How he sees his life is how he sees it...you can't alter that. You do what is right and let him have his reaction. He'll have it anyway, correct?

Rest your head and mind...you have the shelter and advisors who can answer all these questions. You don't have to be a doormat or a scapegoat anymore. Ever. You decide. He can dish out blame but you no longer have to take it, 'k?

You mind your own LBs and remember all that great stuff you've taught your kids? The example you set tomorrow will also last a lifetime, right?

LA

Post deleted by Cherished

I'm getting through things an hour at a time. I'm dropping off the kids at my x's house and thought I'd take a few minutes on his computer. H called him this morning wondering if he knew where we stayed last night. WHY would he even care?? Is it just a ploy to make me think he cares, even a little? Why do I care why he'd ask? I'm trying to focus on all the horrible things he's done and not weaken, but it's been 2 days since I've seen him and I do miss him. WHY??? It's crazy to miss someone who treats you like that! I'm going to try and get that book Love Addiction today. Well, I'll check in when I can again. I'm going now to my nice room in the beautiful Victorian house that is the womens's shelter... and sleep. I feel as if I could sleep for years. Thanks again so much for the support. Also, any ideas on how to stay strong and not let him sweet talk me into taking any more abuse would be appreciated.

He is asking because he is SCARED. He knows his butt is about to end up in jail. Yes, if you file, odds are high that is where he may end up. For a night or two. Maybe he can be so fortunate to run into a guy or two named Bubba during his stay. It would serve him right.

As much as all that is going on S., you need to get yourself into some serious counseling and try and figure out why you think it is OK for someone to ATTACK you? That is not ok, you don't deserve that, no matter what you have done or said. If you did deserve it, then what does the pain your husband deserve equate into for breaking your heart, and possibly injuring your unborn child? See?

-you hang in there girl

Sweet talk you into abuse? Get some counseling. Ask if they have any groups at the shelter.

I am working on a plan for the future and should have place to live within a month. I ran into him while getting some things from the house and he has apologized for everything. I was very strong and said he still needs help to change his habit of saying and doing anything that comes to mind while he's angry. But today, I'm wavering. I want to go back sooooo bad. To my home and my life. I feel like I'm in limbo at this shelter. But I'm desperately trying to keep reminding myself of what my life was like with him. He was so repentant and remorseful yesterday, and loving like he used to be. But I know that isn't what he reverts back to when he gets comfortable. I'm just trying to continue reminding myself of this and all the horrible things he did to me and all the lies he told. He has to get help in changing before I go back.. this is what I keep telling myself!!! Any help or suggestions would be helpful!

Be weak, Suther. Say, "I'm a mess and I know it. I will make no decisions to return to my fantasy of home and marriage until I work through me and my own stuff. I will protect my weakness and not act from it."

You can do this. You crave love...but it is loving yourself, not his destructive love.

Stay weak and know it. Love yourself enough to not fantasize about your home and marriage. Stay weak and be in your reality. It isn't so bad. You're safe. You made yourself safe. You can take one day at a time, with your counseling, Al-Anon and other stuff..and get there from here. Slowly and safely.

Which involves listening to yourself and building trust in yourself.

LA

As an abuse survivor, I know exactly how you feel. I went back to my abuser over and over. He was always very remorseful - until it happened again.

Make yourself a promise that you won't do anything until you have gotten some good counseling.

Ok, that makes sense. Intensive counseling starts tomorrow.. everyday, with an extra group session on Tuesdays. This will help.. just be patient and don't make rash decisions based on my neediness.. ok.. breathe

Post deleted by Cherished

Well, still in the women's shelter and starting to have glimpes of peace of mind. I still tend to torture myself with what if's and how could I possibly hold on to my marriage. I hope that eventually I will lose this desire and move on with my life, without wanting someone in it who is abusive and disloyal. Thanks for all checking in on me..