Well, I still haven't heard from OW. Starting to wonder if I ever will. I sent my H an email stating that I was worried about him and that I was afraid he was going to do something horrible. I got back:
"There is nothing wrong with me."

Weird, considering his personality has done a 180 in the last two weeks. I can't believe my beautiful, loving husband has turned into this cold, uncaring monster...

How long befre he sees the light?

Believe it hon. My beautiful, talented, smart, funny, caring, loving, wife who taught children's choir at our church, sang in the choir and women of praise band and looked for ways to take better care of our children, and last but not least had our beautiful son just 8 months before having an A with a man old enough to be her father......TURNED into the same, uncaring, unloving, disrespectful, hateful, bitter, angry, depressed, selfish beast your WH has turned into. They all do. Don't take it personally or think that you are alone.

hopeandpray, I will have to read your sitch. I feel like I am living in La La Land.

I do have one question: Was writing the OW a huge LB? My H is gone already, and I felt it couldn't get any worse. Now I am wondering if I made a huge mistake.

bump

JJ,

It doesn't matter if OW contacts you. What CarenMc and the other have said is true. OP's & WS's lie to enable the A.

It does get easier. It really does. Do what believer and other have mentioned, send care packages to WH. It will remind him that he DOES have a family back home.

Work on yourself, talk to your IC. As I mentioned before you can speak to the base chaplin. He may have other resources that you can use.

If you need to vent come on in and vent with us. We're pulling for you and will help you as best we can.

Stay Strong!

******edit**************

Thanks, everyone. I have been feeling really alone in all this. Misery loves company, right?

I am a little worried, my H has been spending money like crazy. Do I just pay the bills without complaining? I mean, it isn't totally out of hand yet, but could get there quick.

I did write him a quick note saying he was scaring me and that he was being hurtful. Of course, he doesn't see anything wrong.

I'm getting tired of being polite! I need some strength to keep my anger buried. GRRRRRRRRRR He called yesterday to talk to my S4, and then was hanging on the phone waiting for me to talk or something, like he expected me to just chat away. Do I do this? Or just get off the phone? He seemed a little surprised when I just said okay, have a good day, bye.... click.

...bump

Jennifer-

1st sorry about LadyChevy's fricken Ad.

Talk to your WH....DEFINITELY. Just be nice, cheerful....act as if nothing is wrong. You can get mad and kick something after you talk to him, but you should DEFINITELY talk to him when he calls.

Did you see my post about sending packages......start doing that.

Also, don't beat yourself up about contacting the OW....you didn't know you shouldn't. I don't think it'll hurt anything, it won't help either....but I don't think it'll hurt.

It's going to be hard, with your husband so far away...but it feels better and less out of control when you have a gameplan (Plan A).

You came to the right place <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

We can help you. I understand your sense of urgency. Been there done that....please know that it's slow here on the weekends....so don't lose heart <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" /> I'm always around on the weekends, because I know the posts are few and far between, so I try to fill in the holes.

God Bless,

-Caren

Sorry, I do have a problem with patience! I think that is what is killing me right now. I think I will go out and do something... rather than stare at the computer!

Jennifer-

I have a problem with patience too...LOL, I feel your pain.

You're right though, get out of the house......find something to do <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

God Bless,

-Caren

JJ, unexplained expenditures are another sign your spouse is straying. Just because you’re in Plan A doesn’t mean you’ve signed away all your rights as a spouse. You're certainly entitled to ask him where it's going, though I suggest you do it non-confrontationally.

Also, part of Plan A is to safeguard your finances for you and your son. I suggest you do just that. For instance, apply for credit cards in your name only and get your name off the ones he uses. Start a separate checking account and start collecting funds in there from your new job.

It’s very hard to do a Plan A while you are separated by thousands of miles, and the international date line, but do what you can while you wait for better opportunities when he rotates back to CONUS. As Caren suggested, try little care packages with things that remind him of you and your son. In addition to what Caren mentioned, pictures of you together with your little boy laughing and having fun, for instance, send a clear message that he has a wonderful family at home. Get him thinking about you.

Meantime, do you have Dr. Harley’s Surviving An Affair? If not, now would be a good time to order it. I don’t know if the OW works with your husband or not, but the book Not “Just Friends” by Shirley P. Glass, Ph.D., can give you a lot of insight into the problem. (Check half.com and/or Ebay first. They often have copies of these books for sale at pennies on the dollar.)

You asked a question on an earlier post about how long you do Plan A. I’ve seen it suggested a woman does Plan A an average of 3 months and a man should do it for an average of 6 months. Averages, of course, mean some people do it for shorter periods…some do it for longer ones. It’s what fits YOU best. Generally, you’ll set a time limit for yourself, and adjust it as you go along. In your case, you probably want to start the clock when your husband comes home from Korea. If you can’t follow the principles in SAA’s Plan A anymore before that timeframe is over, then you consider going to Plan B.

You’re in the right place, JJ. There are lots of folks out here who will be more than glad to give you the support you need to get through this. Hang in there.

Thanks Longhorn, it looks like you have a good idea of what goes on in uniform!

Is this the porn thing you were talking about Jennifer?? The internet porn or whatever??? What makes you call it an addiction?? (Not saying it isn't, just wondered)

I dunno, I know zero about the military, but I agree that this issue needs to be addressed, because even if it's not an addiction, it's something that you don't like...so it should stop.

Mortarman would be the one to ask, he was in the military, and he knows all the ins and outs, he can lead you in the right direction with all of this and the military. I know that I've heard that infidelity is an "actionable" offense in the military.

I think it's probably a good thing that they are both in the military........because they can split them up...possibly station them different places or whatever.

I'll put a shout out to Mortarman....and link it to this post.

God Bless,

-Caren

Thanks Caren.

I am really afraid he is on a path that will lead him into further regrets when he finally sees the light.

JJ, I'm a retired Air Force E-9 so, yeah, I'm a bit familiar with military...stuff. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />


The addiction to porn needs to be addressed and, more importantly, resolved so that it doesn't keep popping up every few years for the rest of his life. I don't know of any way to do that other than some good, deep counseling and therapy. Have you considered making an appointment to talk to Steve Harley? It's expensive, but it might be the quickest way to some expert advice in these matters.

Jenn...

Investigate SA for yourself, and do the program for spouses of SA...www.recoverynation.com

Best thing you can do for others is to do for yourself.

Prayers, hugs and good thoughts,

LA

Thanks for all your help.

Today I feel like throwing up. I talked to my H on the phone yesterday and tried to be nice, but he just sat there in SILENCE. Didn't respond to anything. I told him I wouldn't hate him... nothing. Told him not to lie to his family... nothing. Like he wasn't even there.

I am almost to the point of giving up. My poor heart can't take much more of this. I have lost 15 pounds and I was skinny to begin with. Is it time to go to Plan B so I don't destroy any love I have left?

Don't give up Jen,

I saw my WW yesterday at DD basketball game and then after at the home when I unloaded DD and DS valentine's presents from my family and I bet there weren't three words between us. Her choice primarily but I didn't pursue like in the past. I left her alone with whatever she was thinking. There is no explanation for it.

Can I tell my WH to just go to ******? LOL

I am feeling a lot of anger right now, and just want to tell him he is being a total [censored]. I don't understand how I can cry for him one minute and want to ring his neck the next.