terps, I wouldn't suggest threatening exposure. I would suggest doing it, like Dr Harley suggests. Exposure is RUINOUS to affairs. And your goal is to ruin the affair. As long as it is kept secret, there is a chance she can resume the affair, as you can see. If you ruin the affair, she will have nothing to leave FOR.

Secondly, I would explain to her that you won't be financing her love nest. Your family money should not go to this purpose. Let her finance it herself by getting a job. Squeeze her, terps!

Mel,

You said if I was sure she was not continuing the affair, I could work on things from a different direction than exposure. What did you have in mind?

Terps, I don't believe the affair is over. Not by a long shot. I think this is the high risk situation that Dr Harley spoke about and suspect your wife only wants to move out in order to resume her affair.

Why not call Steve Harley for counseling?

OK. I have called for a counseling session.

Thanks for your help.

Great!

terps, the reason I would classify your situation as high risk is because your W is not done with this affair. You caught her following the OM just last week, so it is highly likely that she is pursuing him and/or is still in contact with him. That is the most likely reason that she wants to move out for "space." That is WS code speak for "want to carry on my affair without interference."

Just the fact that he moved 2 hours away means nothing. She can still carry on the affair. EASILY.

Either way, let Steve Harley assess your situation. He is the pro here and he can give you the best advice.

Hey Terp,

I've been away on vacation so getting in a little late here.

Even if she is not in contact with OM, I would speculate that perhaps by moving out she would be making the first gesture to OM that "see...I am willing to leave him to be with you"...to which she can hope and pray that he (OM) will recipricate. It could be a desparate move to restore the fantasy. If not, at least they can have one or two (or more) nights in fantasyland tucked away in some hotel room. (been there buddy ---> it sucks).

As she is a grown woman she is free to walk out that door, but when and if she does it's called "abandonment" (which will place you in a very strong position for custody if a divorce ever results). Also, the second she leaves (or before) cancel all joint credit cards. Further, any and all joint accounts should contain minimal balances. If she has her own individual charge card she can use that (not that you tell her) but anything she charges in furtherance of an affair will come out of her estate in the end and whose going to pay those minimum payments for the time being...not you. Let her credit go to crap....HER CONSEQUENCES.

Anyway, I hope your getting your snooping up to speed and she never does walk out that door. We are all pulling for you.

Mr. Wondering