Wow, I go out for one little date, and look what happens!

I feel like joining hands and dancing around the Maypole - another A is dead!!! Tralalalalala.............

The OW won't be her naighbor if she moves to Oklahoma with us, or Texas with Mel, or any of 49 other wonderful stated besides here. And then there's always her friends in Mexico.

B has TONS of options far, far, far away from OW.

Believer, You are the epitome of dignity and grace. My thoughts are with you. You set such a good example for loving yourself and being true to yourself, and of course we all see why - there is so much to love about you. I continue to wish you all the best life has to offer.

I can't remember B. - is your divorce final? In all, it is sad. So many lives altered and for what? It seems like it all boils down to an ego boost. I also feel sorry for her daughter. I'll never understand how WS's rationalize throwing their children away and at the same time rationalizing that they are not doing exactly that.

You go and treat yourself to something. I'm sure there will continue to be a line of men (and girlfriends) knocking on your door because you have so much to offer. You will decide who to let in. Hugs to you.
<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Our divorce is almost final - we are still not in agreement on the financial division. WH planned to move me out, and the OW in. He wanted our home, his Harley's, his retirement.

He did agree to let me keep my inheritance. The problem with that is my parents are still alive!

Believer - Look at the string of people that you have helped and guided.

My name is on the list. I am really leaning on you and FF right now.

I sure am glad you have stayed here. As are all of the others on this thread (if I may speak for them...)

Graceful. Dignified. Humble.

A Christlike example.

I declare this BELIEVER day.

Not because of the failure of the affair. But to honor my friend for her example to me. thank you.

My prayers are with you.

far

Believer,

Wishing for you the best life ever.

Oh, and protect yourself - get the D wrapped up. This mess called WH could still rise from the dead and haunt you for quite a while. Put a stake through it's heart once and for all.

For some reason I feel sorry for OW's H though...

with prayers,

B. I don't think that can count as an asset for divorce purposes. That should not even be on the table. Make sure he gives you 50% of all the other stuff. Good luck.

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" /> Right there is numero uno reason why you will never reconcile. The utter disregard and selfishness of this WS.

Believer....

You truly live up to your "handle"...you believe in yourself, you believe in MB and you believe in the affair always ends.....I read that 90% of the people that come to MB have been involved in A....so MB's principles are based on alot of actual experiences sadly. The devastation is massive.

I sense in your post that you still have some feelings for WH, but not enough at this point to consider taking him back. I understand about the "respect issue"....H and I are in recovery and I do not really feel for respect for H...it is beginning to come back a little. In all cases, actions speak louder than words and I would think that WH would have to put forth alot of actions.

This experience was a satisfying in one sense, but not another. I was down in North County a couple of months ago...thinking how nice all the people acted and looked....how about keeping your options open and allowing some time to pass to see if WH is sincere by his actions? If not, there are alot of other fish in the No. Cty sea....I will support you in whatever you decide. Your observations are wise and sensible...you'll do the right thing! Kudos to you for believing...Believer. ss

B, isn't funny how the WS can have there fun for so long (3 years in your case) and then when the fun ends they feel they can walk back into the old life they had.

I'm glad another A bites the dust...I only wish it didn't have to have so many casualties.

BTW, thanks for your help on my thread...it's really appreciated and I hope you continue tp help others.

LOL!

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

I have been told, by an atty knowledgeable about this stuff, every community property state in the union considers inheritances NOT part of joint marital assets. They are yours alone and do not need to be in any way negotiated.

Also, I am told every community property state allows recovery of joint assets given to OP, or anyone for that matter, if disbursed without the spouse’s knowledge or consent. You could sue OW, and probably win, to recover any and all $$ and gifts WS gave OW if you felt so inclined. This happened in a big, noisy, celebrated D case in this state a couple of years ago. BW sued to have tens of thousands of dollars of gifts returned, including an expensive diamond ring. And she won. Held on appeal too.

An exception to the first paragraph is when divorcing/divorced a WS/OP cannot make restitution of joint assets given to OP. The court may attach inheritances in this case.

Added: Of course, there has to be enough to recover to make the atty fees worth your while in the first place.

I am just posting this because of your thread title Believer and because I know BS's are reading this so here goes -

Those of you who already know my story know that I was the exit affair for a MM (I am/was single), and our R lasted just under 5 years...3 1/2 of which were shear, unabashed ****** for both of us with a few addictive quality highs mixed in. (oh except for the brief period after I asked him to leave, when he was working his con on me to get some property).

There was NO trust, there was NO respect...

For him he could not separate me in his mind from his exW, and often said things to me that made no sense until I realized he was talking to his exW in his mind and not me. I won't go into detail, but when he fought with me I realized it was merely a continuation of previous fights with his exW, if that makes any sense.

His marriage which I helped end was his third...and I think he is probably going into his fourth now but the point is...

It is never "paradise" when other people have been deceived and hurt for you to be together, it can't be.

Believer I know this recent news holds no joy for you at this point...only sadness at what has been lost. I can't help but feel sorry for the guy a little bit, but he has some growing to do, and maybe now he will be forced to do it.

Aphelion -

The money is gone. The two of them spent it and have nothing to show - just vacations and living high. She didn't even pay any child support.

Anyway I'm at the point where I just want him out of my life, with no ties. If the attorneys can come to any kind of agreement, I'm sure I'll sign it.

Believer - I just saw this thread and don't have time to read it all right now.

My WH asked me about three weeks ago now to come home. I found it incredibly hard because suddenly it was MY decision whether or not to save the marriage.

I also don't respect the man anymore. He made some terrible decisions over the past three years. I worry about him non-stop but I don't want to live with him. I forgive my WH his A, but not his behaviour since I discovered it. For a grown man with so many responsibilities, he behaved like a selfish, entitled teenager. I just don't trust him.

But it is strange how the A's end and how futile it all seems in the end. So much pain and sorrow for what?

Believer, I don't underestimate how difficult this time is for you. He was, after all, a part of your life for many years and you share all those kids!! Thinking of you. TT

Oooooh, that community property thing is so tempting, but wouldn't be worth all the pother for a few hundred dollars. It put a smile on my face, though. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Neak - It was over $200,000. All of our retirement savings and his bonus. Also he hasn't given me any money for 3 years, and I've been paying all of the house costs.

Believer,
I have a question for you. The only reason I'm asking is just to gain a little more insight into the mind of a WS. And I would never ask if I thought you had any feelings left for the guy or were considering taking him back. You don't have to answer if you don't want to.

Do you think he is really sincere now about wanting to be back with you? Or, do you think he wants to move back in with you so he can be a few doors down from OW and keep his eye on her? If you did take him back, do you think he'd go back to OW again if she changed her mind?

Again, I'm only asking for "scientific" purposes.

Oh, I'm sure he only wants a cheap place to stay. Plus he is the type of guy who CANNOT be alone - even for a week. He would go back to OW in a minute.

His lack of any care for me over the last 3 years proved where I am in his priorities.

Wow. It sounds like he may never grow up or do some soul searching. It's a shame. I feel bad for you that you are going to have to see OW as a neighbor now. I hope she is extremely uncomfortable when she sees you. Since you are friends with her "husband" maybe you should stop in one morning for coffee and watch her squirm! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Jaw-dropping sum. It's too bad it's not like in the olden days, where if they couldn't pay the debt they had to sell themselves into slavery. I wonder what kind of price you could get for an OW? "USED AND CHEAP" ..........