Brief Threadjack:

ToddAC:

Forty guitars!!!!!

I am a guitar junkie-so that got my attention.

40!!! You ar a lucky man---

I have a few myself--lemme see:

Gretsch
Gibson J160E---the Lennon model
Rickenbacker 360-12---the re-issue with toaster pups
Epiphone USA made the Lennon model
Violin Bass copy
Fender Precision bass
Three Danos
Gibson LP
Yamaha Nylon String
Casio Synth guitar
Gibson one pup Melody Maker
Original Japanese Tele 1983 with American pups
Acoustic 12 string Aplause
That is only 15---gee I thought I had more.

Yes-----------you are a lucky man!

I guess I don't have as much GAS* as you

*For those that are not guitar junkies: GAS means Guitar Acquisition Syndrome

Myrta,

Before we got married (the church one), we had to go through the pláticas. I am Protestant and she is obviously Catholic. Initially the sacerdote would not agree to marry us. He and I had a long talk and once he learned that Protestants do believe in God, he was okay with it. Now that is absolutely true. The sacerdote did not know what Protestants believed. Anyway, most of the pláticas were uneventful but there were two that I remember as if they were yesterday.

One was a bad experience which almost kept me from ever going back. A particularly devout man was leading this plática and se dió cuenta que no me persignía. He asked STBW why I did not. She explained that I was Protestant. He went ballistic. He ranted and raved and almost threw me out of the church. He begged STBW not to even think about marrying me. Fortunately everyone else in our class rallied around me. Even so, it was a tough few days.

The other significant plática was one in which we broke off into parejas with a mentor. I remember the mentor asked me why I wanted to marry STBW. I confess I didn't have an answer. I don't guess it had ever occurred to me as simply as that. I had no idea what to say. The guy answered for me. He said "porque la quieres y la quieres hacer feliz". That was an epiphany. The lights came on. It was so simple. How could that not have ever occurred to me? Since that day, I have asked myself the question every single day "Have I made W happy today? What can I do better to make W happy?". I appreciate your advice and will do my best to implement what you suggest. Sometimes I feel that nothing I can do will ever be enough. That may end up being the case. We'll see.

Stan-ley,

Gretsch? Yes you are a man of taste.

Personally I still want an Ovation Roundback.

I did buy a bass once but, after a few days, it really started to smell. I guess I should have had it stuffed and mounted. Finally I had to get rid of it. Now I have a fake singing one I got at Walmart. It plays better than I do on my one lone guitar.

Traicionado.....your story is very touching and sweet. I can see how much you love your wife <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" />. You staying with her after she had the affair, its the biggest proof of love any woman can have. If you did not love her with all your heart and soul, you would be gone!!! Its funny that such simple question asked by the mentor, had you at loss of words. YOu seem to be very outspoken, I bet that was what attracted Gemela to you. JUst continue showing her your love and support while she goes thru withdrawal. Soon (I am sure not fast enough for you) your wife will be getting closer to you and more receptive to your love and affection. Gemela knows who is the good guy here, have no doubt about that. We "latina girls" are no dummies <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/crazy.gif" alt="" />. Well, maybe while having the affair,...but soon we realized the craziness of our actions. Just be there for her, love her, but dont overwhelmed with it. Try to be close to her, but keep your distance. At the beginning of withdrawal its kind of contraproducent to show and try for SF. I was not up to it, but tried to please and convince my husband that I was here because I love him. But dont push her, because sometimes that causes resentment, if she is not ready for it.

And dont worry, her OM does not measure to your knees!! Estoy tratando de traducir el refran en espanol de " no te llega ni a la rodilla". I dont know if you heard that before. YOu are a much better person, and you are her husband and father of her kids. You will make it.

Myrta

gemela had a busy day. She went out to play golf this AM before she had to pick up the girls for lunch. She started by herself but on the second hole ran into a threesome of women and started playing with them. They traded phone numbers and made a date to play this next Monday. We got the washing machine back from Sears service (3 weeks without washer) so she has been washing clothes like crazy. We bought bedside tables for DDs night before last so she completely rearranged the DDs' bedroom.

We went to soccer last night. I had to coach because they were short. We won one and tied the second and DD1 scored three goals. Then went to the "horse and hound". It was a bit of a disappointment for the DDs but they did get to see it. Today is the running club "Pub Crawl" in the PM but we have to go into Khobar in the AM to buy things for DDs' birthday party next week. I think it may be Friday before I can get gemela back on line. She is busy enough that she does not usually sit down at the PC. I have to remind her and I have to be careful about that.

gemela has been affectionate lately but we have been staying away from SF for about a month. Not entirely. Se le bajo la regla hace una semana so right now it is moot. I have been avoiding it as much as possible without making it an LB. When it has happened, she has initiated it. Even so, I know all her cues and I know how to avoid it without upsetting her. On the other hand, when we have had SF lately, she has been pretty insistent about it and impossible to avoid. I won't go into details.

I am happier just spooning or holding hands. I don't really enjoy SF at the moment and I am not sure why. This is one of the things that worries me a lot. I prefer to avoid the question entirely by avoiding SF. I will continue to have SF with WW when she wants to but I personally will stay away if I have the choice. SF confuses me and I don't know why.

Oops.. I am just now in a MSN chat with SIL telling me to send WW to Mexico for a while to get away from all this. She is just so helpful..

Traicionado...it seems your wife is keeping busy and doing well. Is good that she plays golf and you have that in common. My husband tried many years ago to get me into the sport, but I just did not liked it. But she should come back and post and give us some feedback in how she is feeling and doing.

Your take on SF is very different than my husband's. Right after DD, he wanted SF 24/7!! He was so obssesed, in reclaiming him as his woman. He got hypersexual, I did too for a while, but then mine diminished, because of my withdrawal. NOw I am happy to say we as normal as any couple . Do you feel repulsion for your wife because of the A? My husband was repulsed by me but just the night he found out about the affair. I could not even touch him. Has your wife noticed that you are not so up to SF? Is a good thing that she wants to and is initiating it.

It will not be a good idea for your wife to go to Mexico at this time. YOu need to be together and work in the problem right now. Talk about it and get close to each other again.

Myrta

I agree with Myrta - no Mexico right now, and when she does go, it would be nice to do it as a family.

Staying busy is good for her, so I'm happy that is going happening. She sounds like a fun person, and I'm hoping she will be feeling better soon.

traicionado,

I bought the book SAA as I know you did. I read forty pages and WW hid the book. I haven't seen it since. So my memory could be a little foggy but I seem to recall that not engaging in SF is a LB. Am I correct on that?

Remember my sermon about thoughts -> words -> actions, etc? Change your thoughts. Saying you have no interest in SF starts the vicious progression that affects your behavior. You know why you are not interested in SF. You have demonstrated that you are an intelligent, analytical person. Would you really expect us to believe you cannot fathom why SF is difficult for you? It is perfectly understandable.

Don’t let WW guess what’s up with you. The more normal you can cause your relationship to be, the better. You need to plug as many LB gaps as you can. This is an easy one. Initiate man initiate!

And the trip to Mexico is no good unless y’all go as a family.

Myrta,

Both our desires have changed regarding SF. When she first came back from the USA right after D-day, I think we avoided SF for about 5 weeks and then she made the decision to change. We have since gone through cycles. I think there were times when each of us wanted SF 24/7. There were even times when we both wanted it at the same time. I think it was when emotions ran very high. We also had a 6 week period of abstinence in there womewhere after her LEEP procedure.

Right now I can't say I have a repulsion to WW. I am certainly not attracted to other women in the least. My best guess is that I don't like it because it is more physical than emotional. If the difference between having sex and making love has any meaning for you, maybe that is the best explanation. SF just seems hollow somehow.

I don't think she has noticed. I don't reject her in any way. This last week has been great for the reason I mentioned.

Sorry Myrta, that didn't come out the way I meant. What I should have said is "If the difference between having sex and making love makes any sense". I hope I didn't offend you because it was not my meaning. Sorry if I did.

I'll send you my copy of SAA if you like.

I don't think I am letting no SF be a LB. I don't think WW is necessarily wanting SF because she wants it. Sometimes I think she thinks I want it and is only doing her wifely duty. Maybe that is why I don't enjoy it. When WW wants SF - I mean really wants it - well, I don't say no to that. But at least I know it is what SHE really wants. These are confusing times.

Could someone call SIL and tell her to back off? We had a nasty chat this AM. She insists on telling WW what she needs to do and tells her that she should go there and get away from all this for a time to get her thoughts back together. SIL is well-intentioned but a pain in the las pompas and you don't need to speak Spanish to know what I mean.

I would love to give some of you her email. I would love her to come to MB and read. She is a major problem in that she inadvertently becomes an enabler for WW. I would love her to just keep her mouth shut.

Can/will MIL harness SIL and get her to butt out?

I'm sure she means well. At least she isn't telling your wife to "follow her heart". That is usually what the family members say.

Myrta,

Go back and read my apology. I only realized later that what I was trying to say came out way wrong.

ToddAC,

You know me well enough to know that I have thought that all the way through. The short answer is that MIL cannot control SIL. SIL controls the information flow so MIL's view always gets SIL's bias. SIL is very headstrong. SIL and MIL fight like cats and dogs.

So call MIL.

MIL lives with SIL. SIL lives with 1 DD "in sin" with a married Argentine. Have been that way for 10 years. For some reason "BIL" won't get D. Don't know why. It is never discussed. So SIL situation is not entirely stable and MIL is even less. MIL can't make too many waves. If SIL and MIL start to fight, where will MIL go? I can't get her a visa to come here. I have to be careful with MIL. I don't think she can be that much help. SIL is too stubborn. I think she can get into problems. You know my opinion of MIL. I won't do that. FIL me cae bien but I wouldn't think twice about causing him problems. He can take one for the team any day.

Myrta,

Again - apology. The reason it came out that way is because that is my way of talking. I talk out loud to myself and what I am saying and asking at the same time is if it really has any meaning for me. BTW I do talk out loud when I am having a real problem. This drives WW crazy. I do it because it is the only way I can slow my thoughts down enough to try to understand them and look at them from different POV. The truth is I am really perplexed about this whole SF thing - and a bit worried too. If my desire never comes back, where does that leave the M?

Does SIL speak Engish? If so, I would be happy to talk to her. If not, I could ask WW to call her???

Traicionado....no need to apologize, I did not get offended at all. I understand what you said. My husband feels the same way. It is much more rewarding to make love, because you want to, than to go thru the "motions".. NO one likes to feel like they are doing them a favor. I am sure, the way you feel about SF is a transient feeling. YOur system has to maybe digest more, what your wife did. Its not so easy to do. I am sure you will get your desire back, because I read you love your wife so much. Dont worry too much about it. Worrying too much is not good for the soul.

By the way, I was meaning to ask you, are you mexican too? Or are you an americano?? Just curious!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" />

I hope you are having a good day today with your wife.!!


Myrta

P.S. By the way....I can talk to your SIL!! Family members
should not try to get into marriage troubles. Our
families dont know about my affair, thank God!! I
will literary die if anyone knows!!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/blush.gif" alt="" />

Myrta,

No I am not Mexican. WW has told me on multiple occasions that she never wanted to marry a Mexican. If you ask her what I am, she will either say "gringo" or "pendejo" depending on her mood <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> (Just kidding - she would never say that).

We did the pub crawl yesterday. We both met some new people. She now has invitations to join the ladies for tennis and running in addition to the golf. The run ended back at the jebels for a bonfire and picnic. The last thing I remember is throwing up. Needless to say, my 24 hour rule is now in effect.

If you want to write to SIL, her email address is gemelamanzano@hotmail.com and her name is Karina. She lives in Tabasco.

ToddAC,

Please keep your WW out of this. If my WW starts bringing home GWTW dolls, I'll know where it came from <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/tongue.gif" alt="" />

Not to thread jack my own thread but did DS1 confront WW? Have you moved out yet?

Traicionado----Wow, you speak a lot of spanish. YOu learned from wife or before>??? So, pendejo or gringo???hmm..LOL Its funny that americans always know all the bad words in spanish before anything others.

I will be glad to write SIL,.but you should tell me exactly what to tell her. I dont want her to think I am so crazy woman calling her from DC.!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />

Where is Gemela today? HOw come she has not post for such long time now. She should get back in here!!! She is planning too many sport activities now. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Take care

Myrta

I first learned Maracucho. Talk about bad words! I had to relearn Spanish when I moved to Mexico. "Dame una cola" in Zulia means "give me a (car) lift". That same expression in Mexico - well - you get slapped.

SIL is saying a lot of the right things - stop calling OM, give it time, ponerse ganas al matrimonio, etc. but what she is doing wrong IMO is telling WW to leave here as soon as school is out and go spend the summer with her and MIL in Mexico. That is where we disagree. I don't think WW leaving here for three months will do any of us any good. I wish SIL would stop harping on that. If WW does end up going to Mexico for the summer, I will let her go alone and keep DD's with me until vacation time.

I don't know that WW takes everything SIL says seriously. WW also knows SIL is stubborn and she doesn't really like to argue with her.

If you believe that WW staying here for until it is time for us to take vacation and that we all go together, I would appreciate the help if you can explain to SIL the reason why. SIL also gets a biased perspective from WW. They mostly talk when WW is venting. Other than that, they don't really communicate nearly as much as they used to (since exposure).

traicionado,

I have no doubt that you took my offer as facetious . WW is a genius when helping others with their problems. When our sons were teenagers, you would not believe how many of their friends would visit with my WW and ask for advice. The parents of those friends even called to learn her secret. With her own life and especaially the OM, she is a dunce. Think about it. She is good and she speaks the language.

Yes, DS1 picked me up and later went back to confront WW. Total denial. Tomorrow, she gets totally exposed including to FIL! I will almost feel sorry for her when he calls.