cc46,

Yes I got the song on iTunes and am practicing. I have to be careful that I am alone however because DDs make fun of my bad singing. I don't need any further humiliation.

The day before I left, WW got an email from SIL complaining that I had insulted her in our chat. WW jumped on me about it. My only real complaint was that WW took SIL's side in the issue even though WW had no idea what was really said. Anyway, it was a big blowout. We mostly calmed it down the following day and I was leaving for my trip.

I am in a 3 hour fog delay in Dubai on my way back home so am taking the time to write. I don't know what has happened but I have fallen into a very bad depression while being here. I swear if WW were around, I would have asked her for a divorce. I really don't know what has come over me. I hope I can get out of this before I get home. Today I do feel a little better. I really don't know what happened. I guess it was just too much free time to think about things. When I am at home I guess I am so focused on trying to save the marriage that it keeps me busy.

Anyway, that's where I am. I am not planning on asking for the divorce and I hope we get back to the same status quo we have been living in for the past couple of months. WW says she wants to keep trying so she has not given up yet.

I miss my DDs. I really want to see them. Sorry for complaining - I just feel sad.

I forgot to add that we had MC scheduled for the morning I left (day after the blowout). She asked me not to go and went by herself.

I also forgot to add something else. I am working on one of 5 PC's here at the business center of the lounge. When I went to log on, a long list of names came up in the login selection. Obviously I am not the first person to log on to this web site from this PC. I also find that sad in its own way.

I see that Gemela is posting trying to help other members. That is always a good sign to me.

Hang in there, and don't give up. Your daughters are counting on you.

I know. I just really hurt right now. Don't know why. I won't give up though. DD1 wants so much for us to stay together. As much as I hurt, I cannot bear the thought of how much pain I would put her through if I were to give up now.

DD2 is still not quite aware of all that is going on. I guess it is the age difference. DD1 is also much more sentimental than DD2. DD1 will cry if she has to leave uneaten french fries at McDonald's. She has to take them home.

I apologize for feeling sorry for myself. I think I am better now. We are almost on the one-year anniversary of the beginning of the PA. It was the last business trip I took without family one year ago when it all started.

Don't apologize. Don't.

You have every right to feel sorry for yourself. I'm sorry for you.

Unfortunately there is little I can do. In this world we live in I can only send you a cyberhug and tell you that if you want them to, things will get better. Sing. Pray. Do a good deed for someone else. Eventually you'll feel better. Feelings change.

When I feel sorry for myself I cry, and then get on with life. It's a relief.

I was wondering when you would be getting back...

Hope everything is ok at home. let us know. we care.

What a day. A 55 minute flight supposed to leave at 8:30 AM and I go home at 3:00 PM. An accident on the highway in Bahrain made it almost impossible to get out. I think it was a bad one.

I got home to a hug and a kiss. We played golf and I got hugs, pats and the occasional kiss on the course. Gemela seems friendly and upbeat. I am still kind of down but am doing my best happy impersonation that I can muster.

Hold on to the hope that your marriage will survive this and your family will be happy again. You will have the satisfaction of knowing that you stepped up to the plate and did what was necessary to save your family.

On the off chance that it doesn't survive, most men find someone younger and prettier that will love them like they deserve. Either way, you come out a winner.

I haven't exactly given up just yet but I will confess I am not having the very best time of it. This takes a lot of work and energy and above all self-denial.

I have really not thought much about what I would do if gemela and I split up. It has occurred to me that having HPV may make any future relationship effectively impossible. Maybe there is an HPV singles club somewhere I could join? My first outbreak only lasted about a month but this one is going on about three months now and showing no signs of going away. I really wouldn't want to give this to anyone else. I hate it.

traicionado,

Having HPV for the rest of your life has got to be tough. A new relationship could prove to be a challenge. Not to worry: your present relationship will be fine, you'll see.

HPV is very common. The outbreaks tend to become less and less frequent. You will do just fine. Put all of your energy toward your marriage right now. I have very high hopes for the two of you.

If things don't work out, you will have a good future. I've chatted with lots of men here who didn't save their marriage, were broken hearted about it, but went on to find another love - younger and more beautiful. It just seems to go that way. I think good men are hard to find, and they get snapped up right away.

Hey T,

glad you're back.

Try singing the Padre Nuestro.

Last night was status quo again. I had brought DDs new sleeping bags so they decided to camp out in the floor of our room. WW held me while we watched National Geographic. You won't believe it but it was a program about lions and lionesses of all things. I could have just died.

Except for the absence of SF, things "seem" pretty normal. I do think gemela is making an effort. She is occupying most of her free time with golf. She watches other ladies play from the distance and it is like she is gauging the competition. There is one spot on the course where the two nines cross and a group of ladies waited while gemela teed off before they could get to their tee box. Gemela hit a really good drive and her only question was "do you think they saw me?" Maybe golf is a good outlet for her.

I think you are on to something. Gemela seems to need admiration and validation. These might be hard for a woman living in Saudi, especially a woman who owns 200 pairs of shoes.

So any ideas on what I should be doing differently?

Gemela does well when she has a solid peer group within which she can shine (IMHO). The problem (as I see it) so far is that she has shied away from establishing a peer group here. Golf will help her with that because there are dozens of women who play.

She told me last night that she wants to have a dinner party very soon for a new neighbor family and someone else she recently met. Gemela always does well in that setting too because she is a great cook and also has great presentation.

She seems to be starting to make some new friendships so that looks like a positive development.

Oh and she tells me that she needs a pair of silver shoes. High heel - open toe. We've been looking but so far not found anything in her size.

Okay this is interesting. I woke up WW to ask for a ride into work. She began to tell me she had a bad dream. She was trying to remember it. I know when she dreams about a wedding, it means somebody is going to die. When she dreams about snakes, there is going to be a fight. I was expecting something like that. Instead she dreamed about Satan. I asked her what it meant. She said it meant that she had distanced herself from God. Then she started talking about how she thought she was basically a good person and wondered why "these things" always happened to her. "these things" turned out to be the affair. She feels bad and says she needs to get back closer to God. It is the first time I have ever heard her even hint that the A was a bad thing.

Well I spent about 15 minutes assuring her she was a very good person. People make mistakes but we can be forgiven those mistakes, etc. I told her she was the best person I had ever known and she inspired me to try to be better.

Not to be too optimistic but do you think this might be a hint of remorse? I don't want to get my hopes up just yet. I do think she was choking back tears.

The Satan dream really shook her up. I know I have only ever had one Satan dream and it definitely shook me up so I can understand where she is coming from. She is starting again to tell me she loves me. We had a deal that she would not say that to me.

That's the latest from my little world.

traiconado,

This is what I have been telling you for two months. Not the dream but that the day would come when she would juxtapose her affair against the backdrop of her conservate, religious upbringing. It is a very good sign obviously and the second postive sign that she has shown you. I assume she is Roman Catholic? Forgive my ignorance, but is there a RCC where you live?

On a personal note, WW has not been to church since she started her affair. I think it is shame. I told her that God forgives but that she has to repent and ask for forgiveness. She still cannot do it. It will eat her alive until hopefully, one day she will muster the courage to go back.

Yes WW is RC and we do have a secret RCC here. I told gemela this AM that she needed to think about going to confession. She says she wants to wait and do it in Mexico. That dialogue is not finished. I think she will go here but will take some convincing. Mexico is four long months away.

I am not getting my hopes up just yet. It is the first time I have ever heard her put a bad light on the A though. That is encouraging.

No remember, she told you that she had failed you? That had to do with her affair, right?