Here is the short story, I found out in January that my H had been having many (6-8Hours a day) with a woman that works with his company in another state. He swears that they were just friends-there for each other. He is going to counseling with me-he has anger issues with me apparently. He says he thinks that we will make it through this but cannot make any quarantees, because he has to feel it first.
Now the other woman has moved to our town, and worked under my husband for a couple of weeks. Now, my husband has been transferres to another state, so is no longer her boss. They have cut down their conversations- about 1 hour a day during the week-nothing on weekends. He says that he still has to have conversations with her until the transition in his job is over, but swears nothing is going on. He says things like I am her because I want to try to make this work, and insists their conversations are only work related. It is mostly her calling him, unless he checks his voicemail first, and then he calls her.
Now, I am obsessed with looking at his cell records. Today, I am going back and looking at December and January, because todays have not pulled up yet due to the billing cycle. It is killing me, and it really upsets him, because we also have control issues-he thinks I try to control him. How do I stop, how do I rebuild trust when he isn't even sure he wants our marriage to work? I feel myself falling deeper in to depression and I know the calls make me feel worse. Does anyone have any suggestions?

It sounds very much like your H is having an emotional affair. You are correct in snooping on him; you have an obligation to protect yourself.

I would suggest putting a recorder in his car and seeing if you can catch his converstation with the OW. Once you do that, you should expose the affair in order to kill it.

You should NOT stop snooping on him when you have every reason to believe he is having an affair. Sticking your head in the sand will not save your marriage.

You cannot rebuild the trust. HE must do that by acting in a trustworthy manner. He is not acting trustworthy so you should NOT trust him. Trust has to be EARNED, it is not an entitlement and you would be insane to trust an untrustworthy person.

How do I put a recorder in his car?

I know there are a lot of people out there with this experience- is it possible that my husband really does feel like it is a friendship? At counseling on Monday, the counselor told him that they could not be friends because of the pain it has brought into our marriage-he swears up and down that is is now strictly work? Is he fooling himself?

No, he is not fooling himself, he is lying. He is not ready to give up the affair and will lie to protect it. Can you imagine any sane man destroying his marriage over a work "friendship" with a MAN? Of course not.

Here is the thread: http://www.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/sho...part=1&vc=1

Go to Radio Shack and purchase a DIGITAL VOICE ACTIVATED Recorder, then put it under the driver's seat of your husband's car...I have also heard that the back seat pocket of the driver's seat is a good place to put it...

It is possible that your husband doesn't view what he is doing as wrong...falsely believing that an affair is only an affair if it is physical...he knows how much this is hurting you though, and should stop immediately if there is nothing to it...you are right to be protecting yourself by "snooping", keep it up...

Mrs. W

Mel,

/////Quote:Can you imagine any sane man destroying his marriage over a work "friendship" with a MAN? Of course not

Mel, you crack me up <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

That is how my husband's started out. He still claims she is just a friend from work and fun to talk to. He was talking to her about 15 times a day - just a friend.

I put a recorder in his car and caught part of a conversation about him taking a shower and him asking her where was she, he was looking for her. Even after I confronted him with that comment still claims they are just friends.

I would try to catch part of a conversation to see if it is truly work related.

I love the comment about a man destroying his marriage over a relationship with another man at work.

My husband has destroyed our marriage over his friend. Still waiting to see if he will figure it out. If not I will be divorced by the end of the month and trying to move on. Maybe then he will figure out this friend cost him his wife, marriage and his family. .....Maybe?