ty... i am going to do that tonight... i am going to write him a letter and tell him everything... i need to concentrate on getting my ged and getting a job and not having a bf... that pretty much just keeps me from doing what i have to do..

Sweetie, I was 19 when I got married and was pregnant with twins. Let me tell you, I was NOT old enough to know what I was doing. And I am now divorced.

Things can move too fast sometimes, and I agree with the others, that you need to let this guy go, ASAP! Just let him know that you are not available at this time, and that you feel you are not ready for this type of relationship. He's old enough to understand this, and if he doesn't, then he's not a real man, just a predator.

Be careful, Honey. I have girls your age, and this would terrify me. Take care of you and your Mom. She is a good woman and she needs you!

Jennifer

ty.... here is a letter that iam thinking about giving him and i want you all to tell me what you think about it..
(name), I'm not exactly sure how to put this, sfter all it's not your fault, in fact you're very caring and nice to me, but I don't want to be your girlfriend anymore. I'm sorry, I know you're being caught by surprise, but it's just that, all of a sudden, I realized that my biggest wish is to be free, totally free/ I want to date who ever I please, whenever I like, or even have the option to stay home in my pajamas, reading or watching TV. You may even say that you'll let me do everything I like and that you've never put any chains on me or made me do something I didn't want to. That is true, but the simple fact that I have this attachment to a situation that's bothering me right now. I hope that, being the nice person you are, you'll understand my position. I want you to know what a great guy you are, but for the time being, I believe that being on my own will do me some good. Thank you for carinng.

Looks good to me (few minor typos). His response will tell you a lot about his character. If he tries to manipulate you in any way - stand firm. He must respect your wishes. Good luck to you.

ty... thats all i wanted to say that i think won hur him..

Oklahoma2,

Want you to know that we are all praying for you and your family.

I am gonna be tough here. I married 1 week from the age of 19. In the next 10 years I changed so much that I couldn't have told you who that 18 year old was. I wasn't her anymore.

I married a man who turned out to be abusive to the extreme. Not as much to me, because I learned not to argue with him. But he was brutal to our two boys. My boys are still struggling at the ages of 29 and 25 because of this.

I divorced my first husband 10 years after I married him. I was in college and very close to a degree. I got PG with my first son at the lovely age of 20. I was pg on my 21st birthday.

It all changed after that. I was not allowed to finish my degree. I was not allowed to work, etc, etc.

Anyway, please think hon, before you make a commitment. You are so young. You need to do young people things, be with good friends who steer you in the right direction. Stay away from the people that are takers, that always want you to do things for them.

I feel that you have a lot of growing up to do.(this is not your fault, you are just young, and have beeen thru alot) <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />Do NOT try to replace your dad with an older man who is going to "take care" of you. Buying you things is not going to give you what you need emotionally.

This is YOUR time. You are young. You need to be out persuing an education, doing things for your future. Heck, is time for you to get a job, get to college, and take care of you and your future. Get an education, hang out with the right friends, you are WORTHY <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />.

I know it has been a hard time for you this last year. and I give you a ((((big hug)))). <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Do what is HEALTHY for you, and for your family right now. Your brother needs you to be a good example, he has had a hard time too.

Your mom needs you to be good to her, she has had such a rough time. I know that sometimes you take out your frustrations on the person you love most, and that would be your mama, she has been there for you, wants the best for you.

Turn this around, tell your bf you can't see him anymore, period, and if he has gotten you anything, return it.

It's going to be okay, you have a lot of love from your family, and nothing that has been going on is your fault.

You can love your dad, however, you don't have to support his issues. You need to not act out your despair anymore. Take care of you. You have so much ahead of you. I bet you could go to college on a pell grant. You would not have to pay anything back. Look at fasfa (College funding) Show everyone how good you really are.

Your mom loves youso very very much,we love you here, and you are taking a step in the right direction by coming here. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Love and prayers for you, and your family.

Love in Christ,
Miss M

Let's shorten this letter a bit. That will lessen his chances of trying to talk you out of it. You'd better expect he may try.

Here goes:

Dear BF,

I know it has only been a little while since we met and started going together. There has been a lot going on in my life right now and the best thing for me is to be helping my family survive this horrible situation my dad is putting us through.

At this time I can't have an R and help my mom. Please understand. Maybe later. In the meantime, I think we should both not be commited to each other because I need some free space devoted to my family.

I hope you can understand.

Sincerely,
Okie2.

Ok, that's my letter.

L.

orchid,

you are awesome.

Okla2, this is the very best letter you could send.

Love in Christ,
Miss M

thank you so much guys.. you all are making me see things better.. i am going to give him that letter because it is alot better than the letter i wrote... ty again..

OK2,

We are all such MOTHERS here, aren't we?

You are wise to seek out answers from those who have experience. The fact that you are listening speaks volumes of your maturity!

I wanted to add that I understand your propensity to try to be sensitive to the feelings of others, but keep in mind that if you allow any kind of contact with this guy after you send the letter - seeing him "one more time", even if it is at his request, returning his phone call, etc...you will be sending him a mixed message that could require your having to end things all over again and be in exactly the position you are in right now. It's just something to consider.

I think you're making a smart decision. Good girl!

Belatedly, I have stuff to post from one who's been there.

I came from a divorced home. My Dad only came around to stir up trouble, and we could not rely on him to pay support or keep his promises. Girls who grow up without fathers around try to replace them with boys or older men. They have sex way too early. That is what I did.

I had an affair with a man twice my age. I was underage, and he could order drinks for me and nobody asked for my ID. He took me out of state for weekend getaways. Let me drive his car. He was my "shortcut" to adulthood.

Later I married him. He was controlling and abusive. It was a sad 5 years until I got the courage to leave him and move across the country.

The time I should have been going to college, growing up, I was "playing grownup" and it did not do me the same good as being a young woman struggling with taking care of herself would have done.

A 28 year old man has no business with a 19 year old girl. You are not special or more grownup because an older man is interested in you. I understand the turmoil in your life caused by your Dad's abandoning the family for a NW. It leaves a vacuum where your Dad should be. The 28 year old man buying you an expensive gift is trying to buy YOU. Are you for sale?

He needs YOU. Think about why this guy, 11 years older than you, is not dating a woman closer to his age. He does not want an equal partner. He wants someone he can control and tell "I know best because I have more experience than you, so do what I say." Let the scales fall off your eyes. The 28 year old women see a different person than you do.

The NW is a sort of tick. She has latched on to your Dad and is sucking the lifeblood out of him, your family, your home. The 28 year old guy is also a tick. He is feeding his ego off of your neediness.

Break off has to be complete, clean and full. You are squeemish about not wanting to hurt his feelings. He will play on that to keep a toehold in your life. Do not keep any of his gifts. Do not be swayed to "get together for one last goodbye" or to "explain" things to him. If you need to, have someone else return the items to him. Your mother would probably be overjoyed to handle it for you.

And finally, if he persists in showing up where you are or in contacting you, it might be necessary to obtain a peace order or a restraining order against him. Don't underestimate the difficulty of getting him out of your life.

Post back if you want to talk more, anytime.

i have gotten rid of the boyfriend... i di it in person... one of the girls i know said she saw him later on that night and he was crying because i broke up with him... but like ya said he is a grown man and he can deal with it...

Congrats on following through with your intentions and having the courage to do it in person.

Now get cracking on your Mackinac applications. You will absolutely love it there.

Mr. Wondering

i have already filled out the applications... the only one i didnt do was the grand hotel but i filled out the rest of them...thank you...

girl, THE GRAND is the BEST ONE!! It is a haunted HOTEL from the 1800's and the coolest place on the whole island. I was up there in August and will be back up there in June. [maybe I will see ya! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />]

Here is a picture from the boat: http://pic12.picturetrail.com/VOL427/742855/8276918/111316832.jpg

Hurting2,

You don't need this guy in your life right now. You and your mom have lots to deal with right now.

Keith

Did you apply with the parks service on Mackinaw also? I think much of the island is state land and they run the Fort. You may have to link to them off the State of Michigan website to something like the parks, recreation and/or tourism bureau.

Let us know what you hear and if anyone out there has a connection to get OK2 a job on Mackinac Island, Michigan this summer/fall don't hold back.

okay i will try that... i thank you for helping me to try and get a job out there...

i am having trouble right now... i just wish i would die... i feel that since i lost my dad that i am going to lose everything else..can anyone help me please..

What happened Hurting2?

I know it's scary when divorce is happening between mom and dad.

Lady