I see there is someone on here that was told by his wife she had an ONS 10 years ago. On Oct 20/05 I came accross some information that my H had two ONS (that I have proof of) i now feel there is a good chance there could of been more. One was when our daughter was 4 and the other when I was 4 months pregant with our son.

I was & still am totally devistated. He was going out of town the night I found out and I ask him that night if he ever cheated on me he said no why? Always being concerned about his feelings I said no more till he came home on the Monday. Meanwhile I was like a totally sombe, like I was ran over by a truck! I spoke to a counselor right away.

He came in about 2am Mon. I went to work in the morning and he was never coming to work. Which was unusual because he would be in around 10am. I come home from work at 1pm and he was coming up from the basement (not sure what he was doing down there). When I confronted him he totally denided it & as the conversation went on said that I had cheated on him. This is so far from the truth I would never hurt someone that way, I would leave him before I every would destroy his world that way.

He wouldn't confuse till I pull out the proof and showed it to him on paper. Thats when he started crying and trying to hold me and asking me if I would go with someone to talk to with him. At that point I told him to go talk to someone on his own. I find it so funny as he had no details wasn't in our town but didn't know what town it was in who it was with who was with him at the time.

I was tryin to leave to go back to work & he would let me. I told him to let me go & pull yourself together. I had to get up after the morning I found out, get kids off to school, & go to work so don't sit there and tell me your quiting work & not going back.

I was the one who had my heart ripped out of me, not to mention put my life was put at risk, & the chance of a child showing up at our door 4 years younger than our daughter or the same age as our son.

I had so much trust in this guy & now it is like I don't even know who he is.

Mar 20 it will be 5 months & I am still with him.

For how long I don't know, at any given minute I can snap & I will be gone.

I still drive places and when I arrive I don't even know how I got there.

The visions are always in my mind. I look at him like I just hate him!

What am I doing here still. Am I just being taken for a fool?

WHY AM I STILL HERE?

I have so many unanswered questions, to the so many lies!

Any advise out there?
This may be over for him but it is still so new for me!

Thanks for listening I really needed this.

Welcome to marriagebuilders. It is a good place to be under the circumstances. It has not happened to me, but by reading about other people, finding out that there was an affair many years ago hurts just the same if it had been yesterday.

I suggest that the two of you get some marriage counseling by a pro-marriage counselor.

Thanks for the response Believer.

Your right it hurts so bad I never thought I would expereinced anything like it in my life. And it doesn't seem to be going away.

I thanked god everyday for my husband and the great life I thought we had, and bang it all blew up in my face.

I seeked counselling alone but was getting nowhere, he saw a counselor by himself but only a few times.

It just seemed like because I was still here it was okay to him.

We did some counselling together and saw her seperate. The last time we went was first part of Feb. I am still not satisfied with the answers I got.

This nightmare is constantly running through my mind and it won't go away.

From what I have read on this board I am not alone. It doesn't make me feel any better because I would rather be the only one that has every been through this hurt. I don't wish it on anyone.

The weekends are slow. You might want to post on general questions II as there is more traffic there. Your husband is acting typically. Most would just like to sweep everything under the rug and forget about it. But that will not be good for your marriage.

I hope you will keep reading here, and do the work necessary to go on to a much better marriage.

anitac, I know it's been a little while since your original post. I hope things are getting better. Your story hit home when i read it because last week my H finally admitted to me he cheated on me (ONS) 15 years ago. I had the proof in front of my face (pubic lice) but I chose even though deep down I think I knew the real truth to believe him. There were NO other signs. We were only Married about 9-10 mo. He didn't even know this girl. It has been extremely difficult for me to believe him when he says there have been no more since and he has been completely faithful to me since. I have asked him through out the years, not alot if he cheated at that time and he always said NO! and to stop bringing up the past, & generally would get angry, (red flag). I think he also did things when we were dating but he has only admitted to a list of phone numbers I found that he got by flirting with customers at his work. But claims he doesn't remember calling or have S** with any of them. I do find that hard to believe if he could have had a ONS with someone he didn't even know. How do you know if you can truly believe them when they have lied for so long. I think it's the lies & not knowing if there are more that's going to be the hardest for me to come to terms with if I will ever be able too.
I have reminders too all the time. I have to drive down the road every day to where he went to her house, by where he worked where he met her ect. Plus we live in the same town he grew up in so there are always reminders especially since I found out. Have you made any progress through counceling? Hopefully we will be able to start soon. Thanks

Still here! Would like to fill you in what is going on with me. Things are not getting better.

Just wanted to see if my post worked. Had trouble posting earlier today.
You got the answer I am still searching for. You know who it is and where it was.
Through councelling I found out it was somewhere in the Midwest.
His reason why ... 1. I don't know ... 2. The other guys were doing it ... 3. Something to talk about.
If the other guys jumped off the bridge would you?
Is it a cool thing to talk about who you were scr.....! Think about how your wife feels.
How can I believe that it really only happened twice. I don't!
I have barely spoke to him since Monday. Things just don't seem to be getting better for me. I just hate him. This whole thing is like over to him but for be it is still all so new after 8 months.
Best of Luck. Lets keep in touch.

Hello there. I am so sorry about what has happened with you and your husband. Like you, I would not wish this on anyone. Well except maybe the person that my husband cheated on me with.

It was a ONS for him too. He pretty much gives all the same answers that your husband gives. He does not know her name, what she looked like, why he did it. Nothing. He would like me to believe that he has CRS.

I wish that it was easier and that I had some words of advice but, I don't. I know how you feel when you say for him it is over for you it is all still so new. It is the same for me. And I hate it that the only way I found out was because I had proof too. It makes me wonder just exactly how much of our life together has been a lie. And it makes me wonder if it is even worth knowing the answers to some days. I hope that it will get better for you and I am hoping that it will get better for me and my husband.

I'm sorry rachelsue76 that you are going through this too. My hardest thing that I have explained in my post is believing whether or not there have been anymore. He has told me he has been completely faithful since but it's hard to believe when he lied about this for 15 yrs. I have never suspected any affairs/ONS but I never would have suspected the ons 15 yrs ago if it wasn't for the pubic crabs. He seems very sincere in wanting to make me feel comfortable and to trust him and do anything to help me which has been very good. We start MC today I am a little scared only because explaining my personal issues w/ a stranger seems scary. Hopefully it will help us. I do think in time we will get through this. He knows that it will be a long road. I guess for me what will let me know is if he continues to have patience until I feel comfortable which he knows could be years away. I hope you things will get better for you.