Good Morning. Who's up for a great Thursday? I am.

What's happening this morning. It's cold here, with a rain/sleet/snow mix. I wish I didn't have to work today. Be a great day to build a fire, curl up on the couch with a good book and my favorite hound dog, and just relax.

Soon, how did your evening go? Were the boys good?

Thankful needs to check in. A good success story would make all of us happy today.

OK, I feel that I'm having a Soon withdrawal this morning. You ok?

All kidding aside, I'm worried about you this morning Soon. I hope that you are doing well.

I hope Soon is doing ok? So Thankful is reconciling with her h.? That's great. My h. and I are talking nicely to one another but he is set on still divorcing me. I feel so helpless? Once I move on out next tues. that is it. I'm feeling so down today. I know I have to keep praying, but I'm just getting so exchausted from all of this. You know what I mean?

Good morning Tired! I just now got to work. The alarm clock went off this morn at five, and I got up to push the snooze and as I went to crawl back in bed I just looked at my two boys there sleeping so sweetly, and I said "This morning I'm going in late, I want to snuggle". And so I did. I opened my eyes around eight, and my oldest was looking at me about three inches from my face, my arm was around his waste and his arm around me. He said to me "Mommy, I like snuggling with you and brother". It just made my day.

So, last night went well. I got home and then H came home. He came in a gve me a hug and told me again he was sorry for that little episode yesterday. I just said OK. We all piled up on the floor in front of the TV and watched "Dreamer". Husband and I were beside eachother, the baby on top of us, and the oldest was laying with his head on the baby's legs. H says, "There's nothing like this". I said "Nothing like what?" His reply...."spending the evening snuggling with my wife, and two beautiful boys". I know that was sweet and all. But I just wanted to say, "You say there's nothing like it, yet you are throwing it away", and then just smack the devil out of him. But...I didn't. I didn't say anything.

The movie was very very good! It's the one I was telling you about with Dakota Fanning, the horse movie. It also had Kurt Russell. It was very good. A true story too. If you haven't seen it, and like to rent movies you need to get it. A great family movie.

So, what did you, Sam and Zach do last night? Anything interesting?

That sounds like a great evening, taking away the insanity of what your H is doing, of course.

Soon, I don't understand him. I really don't know what to say. In the middle of my troubles, my STBX would sometimes talk about things we needed to do in the future, but she never acted like your H. Maybe he is still on the fence and really doesn't know what he wants, I just don't know. I'm so sorry that you are being put through this nightmare, this insanity. That's a very hard part for me to take, the stupidity of our situations. I always thought that everything people do is for a reason, maybe a deeply hidden reason, but a cause none the less. But all of this seems so random, so clueless and ever changing.

I'm glad that you liked the movie, and especially glad you got to snuggle with your boys. That is priceless. With your son saying that, it makes you realize that nothing in the world is more important, and that you have to be happy in order to care for those angels. Your H needs a good, hard kick in the a$$ not to see what he's throwing away. He will see it Soon, I swear he will, and he will hurt inside worse than you ever had. I know that's no consolation, but it is the truth.

Zach, Sam and I just watched Myth Busters and played video games. Sam put on his usual show to impress Zach and drug out all of his toys. He's such a ham. We had a good time. Think I will make some lasagna tonight. Zach likes that really well. Oh my gosh, I'm talking cooking now, somebody shoot me, please!

Hello Beaux, I'm sorry that you are having a hard time. Atleast you and your H are getting along. So, you are moving out next week? That doesn't sound like much fun, I'm not looking forward to it either.

I don't know where my H is at, Tired. On the fence, in a tree, somewhere out in left field. Wherever he is at, he must decide for himself the choices that he can make. I'm tired of trying to convince him. Maybe after the D is final he will want to rebuild, but that's something he'll have to realize on his own. He's broken me, I can't do anymore. And if he finds out that he's done the wrong thing, then he'll have to come back to me. I'm done with chasing and the whole bit. Who knows, maybe I will be happier than ever and I will be the one who does not want to be married to him. Only time will tell. All I know, is that I don't want to be married to the man he is now. There are times like last night, when I think...I'f he were like this all the time then I'd want him so bad. But that's not the way it is. I'm tired of waking up and wondering who the man is in my house today... is it my H, the alien or is it going to be the angry man.

Myth Buster, I watch that some times. They have some pretty interesting things on there at times. What kind of video games do you guys play? I like WWII games, Medal of Honor is my favorite. Both my H and I used to both play, he'd play and then turn it over to me. But it isn't the same anymore. I just let him play. The oldest even says sometimes "Daddy, are you going to kill Germans tonight?".

Lasagna sounds good. What time is dinner?

Tired, did you give Zach a bath last night? Good times....good times.

Thanks Soon. I feel like making an appt with my doc today for the meds just so I don't feel like this. Don't you get so freaking tired of going through this? I'm so over being depressed and feeling like I have no control over my life anymore. I'm so frustrated.

Beaux, you most definitely need to get some AD's. You know, I had always believed in NOT taking AD's, that people on AD's were weak and could not conquer problems on their own. But, now that I am in this situation, I no longer think that.

After constantly worrying, crying and having several anxiety attacks a day, my sister and law finally talked me into going to the Dr. And I am so so so so thankful that I did. Don't get me wrong, I am still depressed and sad. But the anxiety attacks do not come nearly as often and I just feel so much more better. My feelings don't overwhelm me like they used to.

Please see about getting some for you. They will help. And it takes about two weeks for them to fully take effect. I started out with a low dose and then doubled it, then tripled it. The Dr. told me to do this. I don't think I could live without the AD's.

Yes, I'm tired of going through this. Becuase I know in my heart that it doesn't have to be this way, but it's happening and there's nothing I can do to stop it.

Tired, you must be busy today. Well, listen here...get your priorities straight mister!

Hi Beaux. Sorry you are having to go through this. It is very emotionally tiring. I hate the feeling of no control, but it does get better, especially when you are separated. The AD's should help a lot in a week or so.

Soon, we can talk about good stuff again, now that we've got the unpleasantness out of the way. Zach is pretty science minded, so we like to watch the Myth Busters. He is really more into biology and will probably end up being a doctor of some sort. We have a Nintendo64 game system at my house, as Zach has the good systems at his mom's. We play a mario racing game, and some James Bond game. I like the Bond 007 game, get to shoot the bad guys, but I'm not too good. Still fun though.

My lasagna is actually the frozen Stoeffer's kind. It takes forever to cook, but is very easy and pretty good. I'll fix some garlic toast and we'll be set. You better already be on the road if you're gonna make it for dinner.

Talk about a rodeo. A 41 year old man chasing his 16 year old son around the house, with a basset hound in hot pursuit, trying to stuff the son in some footed pjs. I can't help but laugh thinking about it. I would probably fall in the floor like someone else I know, oh that's not funny. Good times, good times, the best balls I've ever had in my mouth.

That didn't come out right. I was trying to do the Schweedy Balls parody and it wasn't in a new paragraph. Sorry, I know it souunds sick, but it wasn't intended that way.

Oh my God I'm laughin so hard right now my belly is hurting! It's funny how when I read a story, I'm trying to imagine it happening. And the fact that you put that last sentence in there did put a little added excitement, well, not exactly excitement...you know what I mean.

If someone where to read this and NOT know what we were talking about...good Lord. We'd probably be committed, or arrested.

Frozen lasagna!~!!! Here I was imagining you slaving in the kitchen with your apron and chef hat to prepare a most scrumptious meal for your son's birthday...and you ruin it with Stoeffers! Are you actually gonna buy some garlic bread, or are you just gonna throw some butter and garlic powder on some light bread and throw it in the oven?

Your right. I hope nobody else reads this. I am so embarrassed right now. That sounds awful! I will have to watch my posts more carefully from now on. I can't believe that I said that.

Can people actually make lasagna? I thought you only bought it. This is not birthday dinner, that will be Sunday. Yep, real garlic toast, not the homemade kind. I bet it will be good. Now if you want to talk real cooking, I love to smoke up a rack of baby back ribs, or some pork tenderloin, or a beef brisket. I can do that really well. Real hickory smoke and all the marinades and sauces. Combine that with some homemade fries, corn on the cob, and yeast rolls. That's my specialities.

So what's for the birthday dinner? Is that when you're gonna throw down on a big meal?

See what you think. Weather permitting of course.
T-bone steaks cooked on a charcoal grill
Baked potatoes
Texas toast
Corn on cob
Birthday cake w/ ice cream

What do you think? Should I throw on a couple of extra steaks for you and the boys?

You can throw on a steak for me and the baby, the oldest will have a weiner please.

My God, that's a big [censored] meal!! You cookin the corn on the grill too?

I hope the weather is pretty there for you guys. What's it supposed to do? Rain or snow? We're supposed to get a mix of rain and snow. I'm sure it will all be rain though.
Let me guess, I bet you are baking the cake from scratch aren't you! I knew it. I'm so impressed!

Yall are making me hungry! I'm not even going there with the balls! thanks for the advice about the ad's guys.

Beaux, I hope you know what the "balls" thing was all about? If you watch SNL< then you probably do. If you don't, then just ignore Tired and I.