H has been home for one month now, and while things aren't perfect, they aren't terrible. for the 8 months he was living away from me (some of them with OW), i begged him to come home, told him things are better when he's here, to at least stay the WHOLE weekend. He never would, because i was so upset with him (my head did not know he was with her, but my heart did, and it kept me very upset and angry most of the time, so he would just avoid me). He has a new job, 100 miles away from her, and his phone bill is no longer filled with calls to her. I take our son to his office for lunch once a week, and H is getting really excited about the baby (she'll be here next week!) (H even praised me for doing a good job raising the boy, which is a far cry from months ago when he told me i had no value as a person whatsoever).<BR>"absence makes the heart lose weight"---so true...sort of an out of sight, out of mind thing. H is still not used to the idea that he can work fewer than 15 hours a day, which really grates on me, but i keep my mouth shut, b/c i will really need to have him home more when the baby gets here.<BR>He still sleeps in the guest room, but we are as affectionate as a nine month belly will let us be, 2 or three times a week. (he claims to have allergies in the master bedroom...).<BR>We have some major personality conflicts (the drugs for his mania help, and my antidepressants help), but on the whole are very polite. I would love some more affection from him, but i wonder what i am doing that is preventing it in him? i send mixed signals, which he must pick up on, and i think he is having some withdrawal, still.<BR>ANYWAY...., i just wanted to vent and update.<BR>Things were as low as they could go, absent divorce papers, and now they seem to be crawling back upward. My only nagging concern is that things seemed to be going really well for us back in may, and then i found out he was living with her, so i keep expecting a major bomb to drop.<BR>oh, one last thing, last week i was teasing/mad with him, and told him to get to work on the do-it-yourself divorce kit, and he said, "i didn't not file out of meanness, you know". what a wacky guy...<BR>i still feel like his second choice, though, like if OW had now started drinking heavily again, he would MUCH prefer to be with her. i just don't think i'll ever be ENOUGH for him, and knowing that makes me not want to even try. well, i know i can't make him happy if he is not happy with himself, i just need to remember that.<BR>oh one MORE thing: i dreamed that he moved home, and there were some suitcases he brought with OW name on them, and when i went to open them, my heart beat so fast, i just woke up. i guess that was a warning to quit obsessing over all this, huh? <BR>thank you all for being here, you are in my thoughts,<BR>julie<P>------------------<BR>for better or for worse, in sickness and in health, for richer or for poorer, till death do us part.<P><BR>

LWB, glad to hear that things are finally starting to improve. Small steps at first seems to be the MO for these things. Try not to take what he is saying too seriously(I know this is hard). The nuttieness of it all takes time to wear off....<BR>Take care of yourself and that new baby. <BR>Congradulations.

Has he been home a month and a half or so? <P>I understand the uncertainty in the way that you feel, and I'm glad that he is being nicer to you this week.<P>You are doing so much better than you were 6 weeks ago. Your reflection shows that both of you are.<P>If you keep on working at it, how will you be in another 6 weeks? 2 weeks? 1 week? tomorrow? <P>Is the predictability feeling in your relationship coming back?<P>Hang in there. Can't wait till you have that baby. When you get those pictures taken, after she's born - can develop them and have them put on a disk for the computer? <P>I want one! mncon99@yahoo.com<P>Things are going to be okay. It's just going to take hard work and lots of time. Stay on the plan! It is working, just not as fast as you'd like.<P>It's kind of like being pregnant, this rebuilding process, isn't it? Like you wait and wait and wait, and finally there is a reward. <P>Take Care of You, and don't sweat the small stuff!!!!<P>TNT

Hi julie,<P>Hey, I'm glad things are looking up for you. Sounds like you two will end up okay to me. You know, I've heard from another website that it takes up to two years for a couple to completely feel comfortable with their decision to stay together. Kinda encouraging and depressing all at the same time, huh? <P>--andy

I see the depressing part, the encouraging is a stretch for me. 2 years?

thanks for all the encouraging words. you guys are the best <BR>2 years, andy? ugh...<BR>tnt, i have a digital camera, you bet i'll send you a pic <P>------------------<BR>for better or for worse, in sickness and in health, for richer or for poorer, till death do us part.<P><BR>