traicionado

Yes, Im responsable, for my EA. Im not justify myself.. Im not proud about it..I know I need to put more "deposit love" in our bank love..And show my H that I really love him..
But, do you think this is a reason to use violence? and not just with bad words?,
We have had troubles since 2 years ago.. and this EA was like the last thing..
My EA last one month more or less, even my frienship with OM last two or three months before we got "close".. I mean, before, I felt something more than a frienship... I realize that I was confused about OM, I didnt know him, I met him ONLINE!!! and he was inteligent in cheers me up, he was my confident, my support..
Anyway I think OM doesnt deserve even one word here..
My H was a good man..now Im facing a violent, rude man..

Tear,

Ok, tu, como yo somos resposables por lo que hicimos, pero no puedes seguir con alguien que te esta tratando de esa forma,
Le has preguntado si quiere que te vayas o quier que te quedes?
En mi caso mi esposo quiere que me quede, pero puede que no sea lo mismo en tu situacion.
Otra cosa que temo es que te quite a la nena, nosotras llevamos todas de perder, porque fuimos nosotras quienes cometimos este error, que ahora estamos pagando, ese es mi miedo con traicionado, aunque el dice que no me las quitara, pero eso es solo de dientes para afuera, aparte mis hijas no tienen pasaportes mexicanos, asi que peor tantito. Ten mucho cuidado con eso, sigue escribiendo.
Animo, Gemela.

Gracias gemela, pienso lo mismo,, me aterra el hecho de que mi esposo jamás acepte que necesita ayuda.. No podremos resolver nuestras diferencias con violencia o insultos...
No he tenido contacto alguno con el OM,, eso es historia, asi que no hay riesgo de que mi esposo quisiera comprobarme algo del EA.. no cuenta más que con una impresión de un email... que además no prueba nada,, de todos modos, no creo que él quiera cuidar solo a su nena,,, siempre está muy ocupado asi que no podría ver por ella..
Ya le pregunté sobre si quiere que me vaya,, no dijo nada,,,
Pasan los días y él sigue igual de enojado...no sé que hacer, que decir o no decir, , TODO es usado en mi contra...
HAblé con mi suegra a pesar de que mi H no quería, me lo prohibió, pero dados los grandes problemas que hemos tenido, pensé que su mamá debía saber lo que pasa, TODO, para que esté preparada por si su hijo hace alguna locura... además así también seremos más personas rezando por que mi esposo se calme y se cuide..
´GEMELA???? tuviste insomnio durante los días (semanas)posteriores al D day?
NO he podido dormir,,, y no puedo rendir en mi trabajo igual...

Gracias paisana por escribirme... y que tal vas tu?
Valora lo que tienes paisa...y se lo más objetiva que puedas..

Me siento tan sola!!!!
HE estado escuchando musica romántica y todo me recuerda lo hermoso que tenía con mi esposo, y por mi culpa, lo eché a perder..quizá nunca me lo perdone..
Lloro a escondidas de mi esposo pues se que le molestan mis lágrimas, dice que eso hubiera pensado ANTES del A...
SOy humana y me sorprende cuan estupida fui...
Supongo tengo un serio problema, a veces necesito de alguien más como soporte y confidente...
Merezco todo esto cierto?
La luz en esta pesadilla es mi nena,,, por ella debo soportar todo y mantenerme de pie...
OM en su momento era mi confidente,, ahora estoy completamente SOLA... de no ser por este sitio,, quizá yo misma estaría tomando alcohol para engañarme a mi misma y sentirme un poco mejor...

Gracias a Dios por este sitio y por todos los que escriben acá.

tear,

Lo siento mucho. Acuérdate que no estás sola. Tienes amigos aquí. No sé si tu esposo te perdonará o no pero hay de esperar un tantito más como ya te he dicho. Sin embargo, si te sientes así, sigue escribiéndolo y te escuchamos.



Esto es cierto pero a la vez no tiene sentido y es la parte que tu esposo aun no puede captar. Obviamente no lo habrías hecho si hubieses podido ver el resultado.



¿Lo has dicho a tu esposo?



Si y no. Todos somos responsables por nuestras acciones. En ese sentido te contesto que sí - lo mereces. Pero es una respuesta demasiado sencilla. En este caso, tus acciones han afectado, por lo menos, tres personas más - tu esposo, tu nena y el OM. ¿Eres responsable por lo que hace tu esposo ahorita? Te digo que no. Tu fuiste la raíz pero ahora sus acciones son suyos.

Solamente puedes intentar a componer las cosas que son dentro de tu alcanze. No eres responsable por componer a tu esposo. El solo lo tendrá que hacer. Lo puedes intentar a ayudar pero nada más. Puedes tener paciencia con él. Lo puedes consolar. Puedes ser transparente con todo. Puedes aguantar lo que tienes que aguantar (excepto la violencia)para que tu esposo tenga el tiempo que sea necesario.

De mi punto de vista o, por lo menos en base de mi caso, tu esposo necesitará unos tres meses para poder salir del estado en que se encuentra ahorita y mucho más para recuperar el matrimonio.

Why is it that a couple can survive an affair and successfully recover a marriage? I am betting that nobody - shortly after Dday - is willing to make that effort. Everybody believes their marriage is over and done - dead. They want to and need to grieve that loss. But, after a time, some people "change their mind" and decide to give the marriage a try. What has changed? The WS has not changed or gotten "better" in the eyes of the BS. In fact, the WS appears worse to the eyes of the BS. So what has changed that will cause a BS to want to try to recover the marriage? The BS himself/herself has changed. That is what is different. The BS has grieved the loss, learned to cope with what is totally unacceptable, realized that the love that was there has never gone. The BS has learned to see the WS in a different light and still find that WS the right choice. Whether your husband can ever do that or not - only time will tell. But that is the key - time. Be patient.

Muchas gracias por tus lineas traicionado...
¿cómo cambiar sin dejar de ser uno mismo? ayer platiqué con mi esposo. Sigue furioso por lo que pasó el domingo cuando no le presté la llave del auto.. Me preguntó si había algo más que el debía saber... y decidí decirle que le había confesado todo a su mamá, a pesar de que él me lo había prohibido... Cierto que respeté su prohibición una semana, pero al ver que mi esposo estaba tan mal, temí que hiciera alguna tontería y consideré necesario avisarle a su mamá... Para que rezara por él (al igual que yo estoy haciendolo)
No entiendo porque no quería que su madre supiera todo... yo soy madre y me preocuparía mucho si mi hija tuviera pensamientos de suicidio..y se sintiera sola sin querer recibir ayuda de nadie...
Entiendo que solo él mismo puede ayudarse y Dios.. Mi esposo no es muy creyente,.. aunque ayer me recordó mi promesa que le hice en el altar "prometo serte fiel, en lo prospero y en lo adverso.. en la salud y en la enfermedad...." acepto que fallé, me equivoqué y pedí perdón...
Mi esposo, solo ha hablado con un amigo sobre esto.. Supongo le da vergUenza decir " mi esposa me engañó"" . Es algo vergonzoso y sobre todo para el infiel.. Se te ve como una basura inmunda... que traicionaste todo por algo que no valía la pena...
Bueno, creo que nuevamente le resté depositos a mi bando del amor de mi matrimonio...
Por eso mi pregunta... debo dejar de lado mi manera de pensar y hacer solo lo que mi esposo quiera? para que me perdone y me de una oportunidad? ... el decirle a su madre fue porque yo así lo decidí, creí que debía saber por si él hacia alguna tontería...
Te come´nté que quería morirse, e incluso se sacó sangre? , rompió unas botellas, se cortó... en fin... por eso no le dí la llave del coche... pero él no lo entiende....
Ayer le arreglé su ropa, al menos un poco y quiero seguir intentando ganar depositos en nuestro banco de amor...
Sucede que no sé que cosas haría que se den esos depositos...6 años de casados y no sé que hace feliz a mi esposo...!!!!!

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

tear,

I won't say whether to talk to his mother or not. I will ask gemela to read and post to you today because she might know better.

People do change or grow. Let's say, for example, my father dies. At first I am going to find it hard to believe he is gone. Then I might go through some other stages and then I will get depressed. This depression can last a long time but eventually I will accept it and get on with life. Your husband cannot and will not stay like this forever. He will "change". You are just expecting miracles in a very short time. He needs time. The longer you two stay together, the better your chances of remaining together.

I thought your hsuband was a doctor? If he really wanted to kill himself, I am sure he would have already done it. He certainly has the knowledge. He is in great pain. He wants help but does not know how to ask for it. He is begging for help. That is why he is doing these things. He has to talk to someone. He needs professional help.

It is embarassing. I am sure he doesn't want people to know because he feels like a complete failure. Mexican women do not have affairs. It is just not acceptable in your culture. Don't get me wrong - it is not acceptable anywhere but in Mexico it is 1000 worse.

Okay gemela justed walked in so I am going to log out and give you over to her.

Amiga,

Tienes que ser muy fuerte, los hechos acaban de pasar y tu esposo esta destrozado, al igual que el mio. Amiga, las primeras semanas son un infierno, yo como tu, tambien pase por lo mismo. Y tube que ser muy humilde, dejar de ser la que antes, el sol no brillaba mas para mi y no sabia que hacer para tener contenta a mi esposo, me desvivia por atenciones, por la comida, la casa, que no le faltara nada, y cuando se enojaba, lo unico que podia hacer era, callarme, bajar la cabeza y aceptar sus insultos, pues me dijo hasta de lo que no!! afortunadamente no llegamos a los golpes.
Tambien quiero decirte, que tubiste muchas agallas en decirle a su mama lo que estaba pasando y lo que podia intentar su hijo. No quiero pensarlo, pero si le llagara a pasar algo a tu esposo, ella te va a apuntar con el dedo, tu sabes!! En mi caso, yo estaba en USA, visitando mis suegros, cuando mi esposo se entero y sintiendose decesperado le hablo a su mama y le conto que yo estaba metida en un A. El resto de los dias en esa casa fueron horribles, aunque su mama no me dijo ni una sola palabra y no hablamos al respecto, yo no queria verla, me sentia tan avergonzada, queria morirme en ese momento.
Mi esposo, tambien queria suicidarse, pero penso, que si lo hacia, yo no podria cobrar los seguros de vida y con que hiba a alimentar a estas dos nenas, hasta en eso se puso a pensar, doy gracias a Dios que, si en ese momento no penso en mi, penso en sus dos hijas, mi esposo tiene un corazon muy grande!!!.
Amiga, yo tampoco podia dormir, antes y despues del A, tube que ir a una psquiatra, para que me dieran pastillas para dormir y antidepresivas, yo, rogaba a Dios que me mandara la muerte, tampoco queria seguir viviendo, fue horrible. Hubieron unos dias que no pegaba el ojo en toda la noche, la unica forma de poder dormir un poco era cuando me acostaba en el cuarto con mis hijas, pero mi esposo me levantaba a cualquier hora de la noche para "hablar". Te he dicho antes que me corrio de casa un monton de veces, y en mi caso, es salirme de la casa sin mis hijas, ya me dijo que las ninas no vienen conmigo, asi que eso me hacia rogarle que me diera una oportunidad mas.
Que bueno que no tienes contacto con el OH, yo hise muchas estupideces, no dejaba de tener contacto con el OH y siempre me cachaba mi esposo, pero estaba perdidamente enamorada del fulano, y aunque ya no tengo contacto con el, mis sentimientos siguen igual, pero, todos me han dicho que me va a tomar un poquito de tiempo hasta que se desaparescan, por eso, aunque en este momento no siento mucho por mi esposo, quiero seguir intentando.
Mira, nosotros estamos viendo una consejera matrimonial, en las platicas, han salido muchos "trapitos al sol", que mi esposo, no me platicaba, no yo a el, entonces, en una platica que tube a solas con la consejera, me dijo, que una persona llega a un A, por que han habido motivos anteriores, por que han habido problemas entre la pareja, y que toda la culpa no es de uno, en este caso "mia o tuya", que de no haber tenido problemas y de haber tenido un matrimonio contento, nada ni nadie nos habria empujado a tener un A. Asi que no te sientas tan culpable como crees, TODA la culpa no es de nosotras.
Yo tambien lloraba a solas, que no me viera mi esposo, por que me decia de todo y solo podia quedarme callada.
Tear, no estas sola, todos los que hemos pasado por esto, te entendemos, pero hay que ser muy fuertes y saber soportar, pero no los golpes!! tu no mereces esto, nadie lo merece, somo seres humanos y cometemos errores, esto sucede "hasta en las mejores familias".
Amiga, te voy hablar derecho, el milagrito, no te va a caer del cielo en este momento, te va a tomar un poquito de tiempo, mi esposo estaba igual que el tuyo y tubieron que pasar casi tres meses para que las cosas se medio enderezaran, pero no dejes de hecharle ganas, esta muy fresquesito y tu esposo no te va a decir en este momento, mi vida, mi amor, te amo. No va a suceder, pero tampoco tines que dejarte vencer, todavia no!!!
Me imagino que eres catolica? Tu, que vives en Cd de Mexico, ve a la Basilica de la Vigen de Guadalupe,"NO ESTOY YO AQUI, QUE SOY TU MADRE" ofrecele algo, rezale para que te ayude, dice Dios "Ayudate, que yo te ayudare". Tear, mira, mi mama es muy religiosa y en Diciembre que fuimos a pasar Navidad con ellos, me dio una oracion, se llama "Corderito manzo", no te la quiero mandar por medio de esto, porque a lo mejor mucha gente va a estar en desacuerdo conmigo,pero tu y yo somos mexicanas y mascamos del mismo lado!! asi que si tu quieres darme un email, donde te la pueda enviar.
Amiga, no te des por vencida, "todo en en esta vida tiene solucion, menos la muerte"
Arriba esos animos!!!
Arriba Mexico!!!
GEMELA.

Tks traicionado, for your lines...Now my mom returned to her house.. She was very worry about me,, because violence we have been dealing,, but thaks God, I understood that I need to be more patient, and carefull myself in order to avoid violence from my H.

Sometimes I think deep inside my H want to start talking, or start to forgive, and then... his proud, or whatever, stops him <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

Im going to have a travel, because of work... I understand my H is going to think that I can have bad behaviour during the travel.. so I want to ask him to join with me to go to the travel..

I hope even he continues in his fog, sun, beaches, sea, can help him, and my daughter is going to have fun, and she deserves that..

I hope my H accept travel with me..

gemela, paisana,,
Gracias por tus lineas, el saber que no soy la única persona que ha hecho sufrir a quienes más ama, me hace sentir no tan culpable..y ser optimista.
Mi autoestima esta baja, y ahora que mi esposo esta tan enojado, muchas veces me dice cosas que he tratado de que no me afecten pero me afecta.. necesito ayuda profesional y pronto.
Por todo tengo temor de que el se enoje más...y obviamente por ahora no recibiré palabras de apoyo o de cariño de parte de mi esposo.. lo entiendo pero es muy duro...
Te confieso que le rogué por un abrazo aún con el temor de que se enojara estuve insistiendo hasta que por fin me lo dió y terminamos haciendo el amor....pero yo sentí que no era el mismo... como si estuviera ausente.. es tan doloroso, luego pense que se iba a enojar más, y me dijo que me ama, pero que el haber hecho el amor no iba a cambiar las cosas.. quizá se arrepintió de dejarse llevar..
el escucharlo decirme que me ama... me dió más animo para seguir luchando.
Mi EA no llego a PA y aún asi nuestra intimidad se afectó y mucho,,,, es un largo camino por recorrer cierto??
Ire a la iglesia a ver a la Virgen, para pedir fortaleza y serenidad..
Puedes enviarme la ora´ción a mi correo miromguz@yahoo.com
te lo agradezco mucho..
Sabes? tengo que aceptar que muchas veces necesito de alguien que me escuche... ahora no esta el OM, mi madre ya se regresó a su ciudad, asi que ayer me sentí sola, y llamé a una prima que es mi vecina y estuvimos platicando toda la tarde... me sentí muy bien.. te confieso que tuve la tentación de llamar a OM, pero dije que NO, que no merecía eso ese tipo y que no debo siquiera pensar en platicar con él, por mi bien y el de mi familia... asi que recorde que debo platicar con mujeres, y llamé a mi hermana que no encontré y luego a mi prima quien me escucho un buen rato..
Comprendo que debo trabajar en esa necesidad que el OM cubria en mi,,, para ser fuerte y mantenerme enfocada...Me pregunto si algun dia me llama el OM, debo ser fuerte y firme y decirle que me deje en paz.. bueno cada día que pasa me siento mejor y mas fuerte al respecto del OM...

Estamos en contacto paisanita....

Gracias por tomarte un tiempo y escribirme...de corazón gracias

Hi,
I feel terrible, Im depress, my H found another greeting card that I sent to OM.. My H was searching inside my laptop in order to find "something" and he did it..
Im not sure how there was a link, to the ecard.. and the ecard, was talking about kisses, hugs and stuff like that.. and the my H thinks the worst....
He got violent again, I was scared,, he throw me a little present that I gave him, days before.. present is small, but it has a little piece of wood, or something similar, and unaffortunately it hit my head..
He threated me and it was awful..
Then I Realizee that even I love him, its not my duty support everything... so I told him.. then he was more quiet and we could talk..
I started to eat a lot today, I feel bad, I feel scare!!!
I didnt sleep
Im at work but I dont want to work..

tear,

You need to protect yourself from the violence. It is good that you stood your ground. I was out for a few days and gemela made a mess of the PC so she has not posted. I will ask her to post to you today.

I read what you said about calling the OM. Please understand that there is nothing but misery for you in calling the OM. If you want to end your marriage, fine - get a divorce and run off and live with the OM. Is that really what you want? If not, stay as far away from the OM as possible. Not even one phone call.

Whatever need the OM fulfilled for you, you are missing right now. You said that you and your husband never talked and that you and OM did. You said you feel alone. Mexico City is a pretty big place. I am sure you can find people to talk to without having to resort to the OM. You are sounding weak right now and you need to be strong. The only person that is going to make this right is you and you are going to have to work hard.

Your husband needs time. You are doing okay with that. Why did he find an eCard on your laptop? Ask him to sit down with you and go through the hard disk top to bottom and find anything and everything and have him delete it. Better yet - sell your laptop and buy a new one. If I knew gemela had been carrying on her affair with a laptop, I would have destroyed it just like I did with the cellphone.

You are doing a lot of good things. Be patient. Keep being transparent with your husband. You cannot allow the violence however.

Stay away from the OM. All you are going to find there is divorce or worse.

tear,

Hablé con gemela y te va a contestar hoy. Que estés fuerte - lo puedes hacer.

Paisa,

Perdon por no haberte escrito antes, mi esposo salio de viaje desde el sabado y regreso a penas ayer y para colmo de males se me bloqueo la computadora en casa y no podia comunicarme con mi esposo para que me ayudara, en fin, ya tengo tu correo y te voy a mandar lo que te dije, animo amiga!!!

hi tear,

i know the pain and the guilt you feel, i have had an EA as well and my husband is still dealing with the effects of it. The situation is somewhat different from yours, as my husband and me are not living together, he is not interested in working on our marriage at the moment, he has issues that he wants to deal with on his own and i cant help him with that, because he dont want me to help him with them.

It worries me that your husband has become so abusive towards you, and i do hope you are ok, you havent posted here in a few days.

I guess he is letting his pain out in this anger, i am glad to hear that you were able to stop him and that you then were able to talk to him quietly. I hope to see you on this board again soon.

Thanks traicionado, and gemela.
Tracionado

I dont have any contact with OM. And believe me I dont go to call him. I dont want to know anything about him.
I know he wasnt so kind, is not guilty of this but, he help me to got involved, even he knews Im married.. well, he wasnt a friend..I was blind, I regret about my EA.

My H thinks I hide him something, something worst that my EA. Thanks why he is looking for something in my laptop and as he know my passwords he checked my new emails in my mails accounts..

I wish to he stop to do this in order to get cancelled those accounts, at least one.. The one that I created as a result of my hobbie to chat on line.. I wish a new beggining, but maybe is too early, right?

My husband is stubborn and he is test me, with information that I have in those accounts, he is "watching" all movement in those accounts.

But as In my office I use another email, my H thoughtts that I use email office for my "bad behaviour" or something.

Last weekend I went to a mall and he was at home.. he took me time,, and he was angry because I delayed too much...

I know I need to be patient, and his behaviour is a consecuence of my EA.. but is so difficult..
And worst is that I feel scare about his mood, about his reaction if Im not agree in something...

we have bad days, "good" days, and awful days.
HE still sleeps in another room.. My daughter ask "why?" and she is having bad behaviour, I think all this is starting to impact her..

She has 3 1/2 years old, but she ask "is daddy still angry?" , does he quiet now?, wheere is dady? "why he is sleeping in another room?"

I told her that, as daddy snors he decided to sleep in another room..
My daughter sleps in same room in his own bed, but same room as I.

My H doesnt want any food, he is losing weight,, I feel terrible.. but my depresion is different, I started to eat a lot, and then I feel more terrible.. fat and miserable...

daggi

Is terrible right? My H threated me about leave me several times.. HE didnt think in anything,,
He said that we arent together, and that he is at house just because or daughter..
He doesnt eat anything that I cooked, and he sleeps in another room..
I try to help him with his clothes (washing, ironing) but is not the same..
I think everything has an advantage and disadvantage,and if your H leaft home, maybe both have time for think and he can realize that even an A, a relationship can survive if both want it...
When he started to get violent, I wished to he leave home.. in order to he got quiet.
"If you love something, leave it free, if it returns its yours if not, never was it" or something similar...

Keep posting Daggi..

tear,

All those things your husband is doing remind me of me - checking everything, timing your visit to the mall. I will try to remember all the paranoid insane things I did and post back. You might get a laugh. What your husband is doing is typical for a BS shortly after Dday. It does go away. That is not so important. What is important is this:

I think the fact that your BH is doing all these things is good news for you. If he did not care, if he no longer loved you, if he no longer wanted to be married to you, he would not do those things. He is doing these irrational things because he is hurt and he is trying to cope with that hurt. He is searching for a way to rewire his brain so that he can find a way to trust you again. There is one serious error in his thinking and I did it too.

In his mind, trust is the most important thing and his first priority. He thinks he needs to trust you before he can think about the relationship. That is backwards. Eventually he will realize as I did that trust is the LAST thing that will happen. What he will have to learn is to work on the marriage before getting trust back. This is all very new to him but this is a normal (and unfortunate) stage for him to go through.

I read this post of yours and laughed because I saw me doing all those things with gemela. It was not funny back then but it is funny now. I know these things drive you crazy but it is really a good sign to me. Be patient. Don't try to make sense out of it. He will do things that seem really stupid just like I did. They are stupid - they just don't seem like it to him just like they did not seem stupid to me.

After a while of him not finding anything, he will get bored with it and stop. If I remember correctly I got angry after I stopped. That anger phase didn't last very long and then I went into a depression again. Then I started to get better.

I guess I just wanted to tell you that your husband is now reminding me of me and I got over it so maybe there is hope for you too. I will ask gemela to post back to you. Why don't you ask her about some of these things that are worrying you. I am sure her memory is far better than mine. I am glad I am blocking her posts. I would be way to ashamed of reading all the things she might tell you. I really is quite embarassing now.

I asked Daggi to read your thread because her husband is trying to hurt himself too. I saw some similarity between how her husband is acting and your husband. I thought she might be of some help to you.

I'll remind gemela to post today. I hope you are staying safe. Don't lose hope. Your husband is being "normal" (except for the violence).

Perdóname tear pero, de mi punto de vista, ese sentimiento es pura caca de toro.

If you love something, fight for it. I absolutely totally hate that stupid saying. Maybe it works on dogs and cats - I don't know. If you love your husband, don't give up. He can always make his choice and you can't control it but, until he does, don't give up the good fight.

Well tear it is lunch time so I am just trying to think of all the stupid things I did. I did happen to mention this to gemela this morning ans she just rolled her eyes. She knows exactly what I am talking about.

Let me see...hmm...At first I checked the mileage on the car before going to bed and again in the morning to see if she had snuck out while I was asleep. That went on for a while. Because her OM was a swimming instructor, she had taken up the practice of swimming laps every day (or so she says) but we made an agreement that she would only go after I got off work and we would swim laps together. So I used to go check all her swimsuits to see if any were wet (they sometimes were and we had huge fights) - I also smelled them to make sure it was chlorine water. I used to time her when she went to the store to see how long it would take. I used to search the house looking for things. I can't remember how many times I went through her shoeboxes (a favorite hiding place). Every once in a while I would find something. The birthday cards she had bought OM are a good example. Almost got divorced over those. She said they were for her father. You don't say things like that to your father! She finally confessed. Alot of it was "innocent" - for example, she had probably forgotten about the birthday cards because our housemaid is so bad about moving things around, they were not where they "should" have been. Gemela forgets about them and I find them. I was looking for something (legitimately) in her swim pack and found a cell phone - exactly like her cell phone that she had in Dubai. I opened it and found a local phone card in it. I asked her about it and she claimed it was a friend's phone - too coincidental. Turns out she was lying on that occasion. Again another big blow up. The fact is from your husband's perspective, you are guilty until proven innocent.

I look back now and realize how ridicules all that was but how, at the time, it seemed so terribly important. I was obsessed by it. I am sure gemela can remember much more than I can. The thing is, if I had not wanted so desperately to believe in the marriage and believe in gemela, I never would have done those things. Did you ever look up the five stages of grief? I found this via Orchid's signature:

5 stages of grief

Try to understand what your husband is going through. It is almost an insanity. I have been there - I know from experience. I could go from loving gemela to wanting to divorce her in an instant - just based on a random thought. I went from hope to despair a hundred times a day.

If your husband truly wanted to divorce you, one of the two of you would probably already be gone. Your husband is grieving his loss. That is all that is happening. He needs to grieve and he needs time to do it.