Carnation,

I am calling my attroney tomorrow to see if I can legally stop him from taking Brian...

Remember I have custody, I only let Brian go out there to let him see what it was like..... I can't allow him to take Brian away like that....

So who knows we may end up in court very soon .....


Hurting

Hurting,

I'm wondering if The Housing they all live in knows that DS is living there now?

Lady

Hurting -

Wow, I missed reading here for a few days (in Seattle, helping my parents and sister) and all kinds of exciting things are happening for you.

My son pulled the same thing when he was 18. He went to live in Oregon with his dad, the same dad who never had anything to do with him. It was the best thing that could have happened, although it didn't feel like it at the time.
He was back home with a whole knew understanding in 5 months.

Also if your husband lost his job it will be very hard on the infidels. Ho-ho-ho. That, plus another person living with them, and the lack of trust, will take a toll.

Don't make any decisions about whether you want him back or not for a few more months. I think things are going to get very interesting. The infidels have been living in a fantasy world, and reality bites.

Believer..just wondering..did your son also stay with the OW?..plus your son was 18..Hurting's son is younger..

Believer,

Glad to hear from you, sorry to hear bout your dad. You and your family are in my prayers.

As far as DS goes I had planned on letting this play out but if WH has decided to move almost 100 miles away then I have to do something. I don't want him to take him that far away from me. I know if they are moving its to get away from me and the temptaion OW feels I am for WH. Her insecurity is so obvious. But I don't need or want my child to be caught in the middle of their insecurities.

Yes I think things are going to get interesting as well. But this is their problem not mine. I guess moving away has its advantages for them, they can go to a new town and play happy family, where no one knows their secrets. But one thing is for sure no matter where they go, they are there. Running won't solve their problems because problems tend to find you no matter what. They still know what they have done no running from that.

I am staying out of it unless it has to do with DS. In that case I will be in their faces no doubt about it. He is my main concern right now and he will be for a long time..


Hurting

My two cents worth -
Hurting did the right thing letting her son stay with dad and get it out of his system. Most of you know that I have very recent, very personal experience with this.

My 15 year old son left a note on his bed, and ran away to live with his dad.(who only lives about a mile away) Technically I could have sent the cops over to pick him up - I have full custody. but I knew that YS would just get angry with me. He was looking for the emotional connection with his Dad, and he also thought his dad needed him. his Dad is currently married to OW#2, who I do not care for, but in reality you can not force a 15 year old to stay with you if he wants to go. He was gone about 6 weeks. meanwhile I would call him once a day and say "How was your day?Do you need anything? I love you"
At first he acted like an angry teenager - he was convinced that I was going to try to force him to come home. I certianly wanted to! Eventually he began to relax, and I am sure he was not having much fun at his Dads! One Friday night, at about 9:30 at night he called and wanted to "spend the weekend" with me. He has been back ever since. things are going really well right now. He used to threaten me with "I am just going to go live with dad" every time I asked him to clean his room. he no longer threatens me with that. He is much more helpfull around the house now too.

Hurting - if your gut tells you that you are doing the right thing, then give yourself credit. you know your son better than anyone.
I would suggest one thing - when my son first left,and had been gone for only a couple of days, he called me and said "Dad has some paperwork that I need you to sign, that says Dad will have custody of me now, so he wouldn't have to pay you child support now since I live here" My response was "I will not give you up that easily. you are more important to me than that" a week later he showed up, and had papers his dad had wirtten up. he dropped them off and said "Mom, will you please sign these? Dad says he really needs to quit paying shild support now that I live with him". once again I said "I will not sign anything yet. you are more important to me than any piece of paper. I am praying about this, and if your Dad wants to sit and talk to me, I will sit with him. but I will not just sign over custody. I love you too much for that".

The other day at church I over heard someone say "Hey, I understand you are back with your Mom" and his response was "yeah, my mom wouldn't give my dad custody, so I am back". In reality, he was back becuase he wanted to be. he had to use me as his excuse to save face. But apparantly it did have an impact on him that I was not going to just give him up with a struggle.
By allowing him to have his full time experience with hsi dad he was able to see that it is not that much fun over there. but when I asserted my rights as his mom, it also gave the message that I was still his mom.

I would suggest that you find a way to relay a message to your DS that you understand his need to spend time with his Dad, but you will block any attmepts to move 100 miles away, as that would affect your ability to spend time with him. Your DS needs to know that you would fight for him if you need to.

WOF,

Thank you so much for the post. You understand exactlly what I am trying to do here....

I don't call out there but I do email him daily. He knows he can call me anytime. I tell him I love him and he is always welcome home anytime.

Do you really think though telling him I will try and block the move is a good thing though? It would give WH heads up I am trying something.... But if you think I should I will.

Hurting

Hurting:

My questioning today has to do with my own personal growth and thinking and is not meant to be critical of you. Please know that. I agree with Faith that you know your son and YOURSELF better than us...

Faith:

I have a question for you. I get concerned about the immorality and sinfulness of it all. Your son lived with his father and his wife. That is not considered sinful, IMO. I would be concerned about my son living in the midst of such evil forces.

Mimi,

I know your not being critical of me , I have the same questions you do..

I want to do what is best. I know him moving 100 miles away is not best and I will fight that for sure....

Hurting

WOF you are quite a remarkable woman.

WOW! high praise from Cesar!

Mimi-
I agree with you 100%, her son is living in the midst of Evil forces. And actually, my son lived amidst Evil forces too. Even though his Dad is currently married to OW#2, they actually lived together first, while she was still married to her former husband, H#2. they do not currently attend church, and I am certain that WxH's is still heavily involved in porn. So having my son live there was breaking my heart. I can remember walking into church on sunday mornings and the tears would flow from my eyes, remembering that when YS was living with me, he was going to church, involved with the youth, and doing volunteer projects. at our house we do not allow foul language, he is not allowed to watch R rated movies, we listen to Christian music, and we have parental controls on the computer.
When YS first moved in with his dad he told his friends I was "too strict". I suspect that he was able to say or do anything he pleased at his Dads. I am certian there were no restrictions, and his dad never listens to Christian music.

But how do you truly force a 15 year old to stay with you? Every day that he goes to school he had the ability to just get on the school bus and go to his dads. I have custody - but his Father has the right to visit with him. If I had said "no way" my Ex would have gone to the court house and said "YS wnats to live with me but his Mom won't let him" at that time, if the judge had said "YS - where do you want to live?" he would have said "with my dad". if his Dad had a criminal record - I could probably have fought it - but he doesn't, so I had to tread lightly.

during that time I came to realize something - it was the first time I TRULY had to put my faith in God - 100%. During my WxH's A, and during my D, I thought I had fully put my faith in God. But even then I also had friends and family to rely on. But this time - the only one I could trust to watch over YS was God. Period. I remember one morning driving to work, and I was suddenly gripped with fear. I thought "what if I am wrong? What if there is no God looking out for my son? What if I am putting my faith in something that doesn't exist?What if I should be DOING something more? And right away a feeling of peace came over me, and I knew that I was not wrong to trust in God. I couldn't be wrong - there were too many times that He has carried me through my darkness. and I have so many bright, intelligent friends who also believe in God. They couldn't be wrong either. So I decided to truly allow God to be in charge. I started fasting every Monday. I would pray, out loud, in the car whenever I was driving. and my biggest prayer was that the Lord would protect him, and that in the Name of Jesus, no evil spirit would be allowed to touch my son.
One night my new H was suddenly gripped with the feeling that we needed to pray for YS, so he grabbed my hand and said "Lord, protect him. cover him with the Full Armor of God,and do not let the enemy touch him!"

YS has still not told me the full story of what it was like at his Dads, and I have not asked. But I get little tid bits occasionally. He had to share a room with his step-brother, which was not fun. OW#2 was demanding and grouchy much of the time.
YS has spent the night at his Dads only a few times since then, but only 1 night at a time. He has come back to church in a big way. he is even more involved than ever, and several people have commented that they can see "in his eyes" that he is on fire for God.

What the enemy has intended for evil, the Lord has manged to use for good.

At times, I worried that I was doing nothing. I was wrong. i did plenty. I prayed. I talked to friends, told them what was happening, and asked them to pray for him. And I stood for righteousness. When I heard that YS was telling people I was too strict I said "yes, I am, but as for me and my house, we will serve the Lord" When he did come back, the rules all stayed the same.

but I would still suggest that Hurting not allow her son to move 100 miles away. I think that is a no-brainer. If/when her son finally talks to her about it she needs to say "I love you too much to let you live that far away. I know you want to be with your Dad, but If he trys to move you so far away, I will be forced to fight it. I am still your Mom."
And when her WH calls to scream at her for getting in the way of his happiness, blah blah blah, she needs to calmy reply "I will not allow my son to live so far away. I am still his Mom, and will stand for what is right. period."

also - something my YS school counselor told me - the biggest mistake a parent can make, is to bad talk the other parent. No matter how bad a parent is, the child does not want to hear anyone bad talk either parent. I guarantee you that right now OW, and WH have nothing nice to say about Hurting. it sucks, she doesn't deserve it, but that sort of crap will drive her son out of that house. OW is so paranoid right now, that I am certain she is bad mouthing hurting every single chance she gets, and the boys is hearing it. it won't take long before he says "at Moms house, she never talks bad about dad. but at Dads house, Dad AND OW talk bad about Mom" He will get tired of it.


Mimi-
Have you seen my other thread titled Love and Respect?

WOF you ARE a VERY remarkable woman indeed!

no joke (for once <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> )

hurting... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />.

I just wanted to let you know my prayers are with you. This latest situation that you have to deal with is truly difficult. Just when you think it cannot get harder, it does. I admire how strong you are and how well you are handeling things. It may be more important that YOUR son know that you are willing to fight for him, then your H being unaware that you are willing to fight for you son (as a strategy I mean).

WOF has made some important points. I hope they are helpful to you.....

WOF, you have such good advice to give <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />....I wanted to tell you that your advice here is greatly appreciated. I always look for your posts <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />.....they make me think.

Daisy <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

Daisy,

Yes I am taking WOF advice to heart . I have called my attorney and he is preparing to fight this move to OKC if it occurs or is even considered.

I am prepared to go to court and battle for my child. If WH gets angry so be it. I am not th one who has done anything wrong here and I'll be damned if my child is going to pay the ultimate price for this mess.

So let them bring it on, I am ready....


Hurting

Update: All things here are quiet. Nothing happening, WH is still jobless as far as I know.

I have not heard from DS since sunday. I have sent him some emails but no replies. I makes me sad but I can' force him to call or email me back.

Seeing my attorney tomorrow to get some stuff cleared up and ready to go.....

Hurting

Healing, good luck at the atty office.. Although you really don't need it, the laws are on your side.

I thought, you thought that your WH was getting his old job back ? You know as a truck driver there are a zillion jobs out there.

Keep your head high, you fought the good fight and frankly... look how far you have come !! We can only be responsible for ourselves, and you have done so well Healing.. we all here are very, very proud of you...

Sending my very best wishes, car

Came from the attorneys office. There is an injunction in place DS can not be taken out of our county. So Patrick can't take him until a judge has decided custody. So for now he is with them as our judge has been appointed but does not start until May 1.

So for now things are safe. Monday my attorney is speaking to his attornye on Monday. Contempt charges may be filed if Patrick does not pay or abide by the LS papers.

We are now playing hard ball as I have have no other choice..

Hurting

I think this is GREAT, Hurting. You are fighting to protect yourself and your family!

I found Faith's post in answer to me to be very helpful. She is so right about the need to put this into God's hands..regarding your son. HE has all the POWER. After you do all that you feel that you can do, that's when it's time to pray the hardest.

Take good care..

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Mimi,

Thankd for the encouragement. I never wanted to have to play hardball but he has left me no choice now.

We are doing w hat is the best to protect myself and DS. This means also contesting his reason for the D and siteing adultry, abandonment, and mental cruelity. I never wanted to play like this but now I have to.

The OW will also be called into court as a witness.

I am not looking forward to doing this at all. but its reality...

Hurting