but she says she broke off her EA so i have to believe her...
Dude, I don't know your wife... but one of the things that just about every betrayed spouse on this forum has experienced is being lied to. You do not have to believe your W just because she says it's over. Has she not lied to you before?
however im still a reck i can't eat or sleep
Well that's certainly understandable. These feelings will calm down over time. In the meantime, try to take extra special care of yourself. I myself lost almost 20 pounds while my W was having her affair. I looked like frikken DEATH warmed over...
i feel as if though it's all my fault even though im not the one who had
the EA.
That's pretty common too. The way I figure it is this... my W had her affair because there was something missing in our marriage and she chose the WRONG way of dealing with it. That was her choice, and NOT my fault.
The problems that existed in the marriage before the affair, though...
Well, those I has something to do with. About 50%, actually... and on those areas is where I focus MY attention.
Firstly, it gives me something to DO... and as a man, I need to DO something... and since I can't control her, I might as well control ME.
Secondly, as I resolve these issues, I work on making myself an attractive spouse for my wife. I want her to come back because she wants to... not because I forced her too, or because she wants to do it for the kids.
i feel like i'm going crazy i can't seem to stop thinking about her or from feeling sick so sick.
Welcome to infidelity. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />
It is all very intense right now, isn't it. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" /> The intensity will calm down. I can't say it ever gets easy, but it certainly does get much more manageable.
This is where we get really put to the test. We made vows too, and it is hard to stay commited to those vows when we are being hurt so badly.
My advice to you at this point is to try and find your center. Don't make any huge decisions at this point. Give yourself a couple of weeks to absorb this situation and figure out a PLAN to deal with it. If you just go moment to moment, dealing with each thing as it comes, you will make things much harder on yourself. Sticking to a larger PLAN puts everything in perspective and lets you deal with the daily horrors without having them overwhelm your whole existance.
Take er easy, m'man.
Post here and read as much as you can of the articles written by the Harleys.
John