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#1627407 04/04/06 06:32 AM
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saenz Offline OP
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my wife moved out last night after i thought we where going to work it out. At least i tried to fix us now just wanna try to get sum sleep and stop worring about whats gonna happen w/ our kids.


merrily, merrily, merrily, life is.....
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Your wife moved out... yikes...

Are the kids with you? Are you able to handle the duties of parenting and work?

Where did she move too?

Did you follow the links (on your other thread) and read up on Plan A and Plan B?

That's a lot of questions... sorry... just trying to get a better idea of where you 'are'...

Anyhoo, don't get too discouraged. Wayward spouses can behave quite unpredictably, but in the end many come back to reality.

Another big tenet on this site is 'exposure'. It's hard for a fantasy affair to continue when it's exposed to the light of day. Have you told anyone else about the affair? If not, who could you tell?

Take care.

J

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saenz Offline OP
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well the kids are going to be kept in there same routine day in day out where they're w/ her in the day and w/ me @
night.

she's going to find her own place, right now for the next 2 weeeks shes going to stay @ her parents place till then.

but she says she broke off her EA so i have to believe her however im still a reck i can't eat or sleep i feel as if though it's all my fault even though im not the one who had
the EA. i feel like i'm going crazy i can't seem to stop thinking about her or from feeling sick so sick.

and yes I exposed the EA to all that i could.


merrily, merrily, merrily, life is.....
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but she says she broke off her EA so i have to believe her...

Dude, I don't know your wife... but one of the things that just about every betrayed spouse on this forum has experienced is being lied to. You do not have to believe your W just because she says it's over. Has she not lied to you before?

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however im still a reck i can't eat or sleep

Well that's certainly understandable. These feelings will calm down over time. In the meantime, try to take extra special care of yourself. I myself lost almost 20 pounds while my W was having her affair. I looked like frikken DEATH warmed over...

Quote
i feel as if though it's all my fault even though im not the one who had
the EA.

That's pretty common too. The way I figure it is this... my W had her affair because there was something missing in our marriage and she chose the WRONG way of dealing with it. That was her choice, and NOT my fault.

The problems that existed in the marriage before the affair, though...

Well, those I has something to do with. About 50%, actually... and on those areas is where I focus MY attention.

Firstly, it gives me something to DO... and as a man, I need to DO something... and since I can't control her, I might as well control ME.

Secondly, as I resolve these issues, I work on making myself an attractive spouse for my wife. I want her to come back because she wants to... not because I forced her too, or because she wants to do it for the kids.

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i feel like i'm going crazy i can't seem to stop thinking about her or from feeling sick so sick.

Welcome to infidelity. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

It is all very intense right now, isn't it. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" /> The intensity will calm down. I can't say it ever gets easy, but it certainly does get much more manageable.

This is where we get really put to the test. We made vows too, and it is hard to stay commited to those vows when we are being hurt so badly.

My advice to you at this point is to try and find your center. Don't make any huge decisions at this point. Give yourself a couple of weeks to absorb this situation and figure out a PLAN to deal with it. If you just go moment to moment, dealing with each thing as it comes, you will make things much harder on yourself. Sticking to a larger PLAN puts everything in perspective and lets you deal with the daily horrors without having them overwhelm your whole existance.

Take er easy, m'man.

Post here and read as much as you can of the articles written by the Harleys.

John

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I looked like frikken DEATH warmed over...

Actually, that's not true. I looked like death cold and shrivelled and hollow. Not warmed at all.

I'm doing good now, though. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

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saenz Offline OP
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dewt
thanks for the help i jsut can't stop thinking on how this is going to affect our kids and how she can just not wanna work on a marriage after 5yrs. Our anniversery is tomorrow.

not to mention she says that she loves me but shes tierd of me. i told her shes spending to much time working shes working 2 jobs. one of which is photography which keeps her away from home our daughter started crying fri. night cause she told her she was going to be gone the next 2 weekends again.

i know i'm not perfact but i never thought of ending the marriage. I hate not knowing whats going on, she never talked to me about her feeling till it was to late. So my advise to anyone who reads this please talk to your spouse
let them know how you feel even if it's just to tell them you love them and don't forget the little things that made you fall in love w/ them in the 1st place.

also make time for each other something my W and I forgot to do i tryed this weekend to plan something w/ her but she had to see when she could fit me in in her day planner
OUCH!!! Thats when i knew its was over she should of said let me cancel some stuff i'm shure the clients would of been ok w/ it. so don't make your spouse the 2nd fittle!!

Now i i'm split right down the middle to just let her go cause i don't now if i can ever get over what shes done or to fight for it? however i have to stop calling her every 3hrs. or so. I just feel so empty and the house does as well i dont wanna go home or deal w/ the kids right now cause they keep asking me when mom is coming home even though she told them yesterday that she was going to be living else where. damn this sucks i should of seen the signs.


merrily, merrily, merrily, life is.....
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Dude, I'm just heading out the door for the day...

No calling her today!!!

Others will be along shortly...

You will find here that you are not alone.

J

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saenz Offline OP
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yeah, thanks


merrily, merrily, merrily, life is.....

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