Change in plans for those who have seen my threads - I will expose tomorrow - Wednesday - to OM's W. No real reason, just tired of thinking about it and ready to *&^% back.

Not sure what will happen - and not sure I care.

Can't do it first thing since meet with MC early in morning.

Need some encouragement since I am sure I will not be as steadfast tomorrow as I am now.

Thanks.

I know you are angry, as you have every right to be. Just try to examine your motives so that the exposure does not just emanate from hostility and revenge. If it is done in the wrong spirit, it may cause even more destruction.

Exposure is the BEST most EFFECTIVE weapon you have to combat an affair.

I took my time with my WH, don't waste anymore time worrying and/or thinking about it.

Just do it... You will be glad you did.

Jen

Well, I haven't read your thread, but I wanted to wish you luck and strength.
My biggest regret in all of this was not exposing fast enough. I know it can be scary, but it really is imperative and puts lots and lots of pressure on the A.
I am sure you've heard that the WS will not be happy. But that is short lived.

Good luck. You can do it!

Rooting for you over here in texas!

193,

Congratulations on having your fears and acting anyway. You can do this. It is your choice. It is not a destructive one.

Have you decided to expose to everyone? Would be a good thing to eat the frog whole...not in pieces. Expose tomorrow to OMW...and all others. Phone calls will get easier each time. Heed sjaj, Jenn's and intexas' advice...

Know your intent.

Know that this is the truth of their actions, not your choices.

Know that not exposing is covering the affair up, hiding it, condoning it to yourself.

You're worth more than that. You matter. Your marriage matters.

LA

Thanks to each of you - I have worried about it and I know she'll be quite pissed - but I don't really care anymore. It's sad that I have gotten to that place, but I have.

While I recognize my responsibilty in all this, I don't think I deserved this and it's time for it to end - one way or another.

Thanks.

I agree you should hit all the exposure targets in one bang. Catches them by surprise, and it makes it easier on you, too.

You telling isn't what is wrong. LA is correct--their actions are wrong.

Exposure won't end your marriage--the affair might, but not the exposure. Exposure helps end the affair, something that can only serve to help your marriage, as recovery cannot happen without it.

Good job, 19! We will be here for you. Have you decided to meet with her?

Other than OM's W, who else should I tell? W has already told several of her friends and relatives - should I tell her mother? That would really piss her off - her mother is very judgemental - might put W into shock - which would be good -

So, who else? My parents? They may not forgive her even if we are able to recover.

One thing you need to know - I am not sure that EA is not over. I hope OM's W can help me confirm one way or another. But not sure.

I think her mother is a good target. It adds pressure. That is what you need.

Just remember this one thing when you are gathering up your nerve tomorrow.....

You will not be alone !

All of us will be right there with you


carnation

I hope this goes well for you and accomplishes the healing you need. Her mom may be some help in shocking her out of it; as for your parents, again examine intent. If you wish to share with them to further your own healing, do so. If you believe it may be terribly difficult to recover that relationship, you may want to reconsider that.

ML - Thank you for responding. I needed to hear from you.

Yes, if I can arrange it, I will meet her tomorrow. Of course, I have to work it with my schedule and hers - if not tomorrow, then Thursday - i.e. ASAP - I am tired of worrying about this - let the chips fall where they may.

It will probably take 2 hours - I have at least 1.5 hours of phone calls ..... and she probably needs to hear it all. I have to see MC first thing and then conf call at 10:15 - I hope after that ...

Anyway, it has to be in person to show her what I have (phone records) and let her hear the tape - only real evidence.

Thank you for your support and guidance.

19, I have a meeting at 11:00 cst but will be around from 1:00 on and most of the morning. If I am not here, others will be here to help you. You will do just fine, my friend.

My WW’s reaction anger was really short lived. She is now sugar coating everything.

Do it, and then don't back off. People have the most horrible rationalisations to protect feelings. You will see who your friends are.

Good luck, and be brave, ask for people’s help.

DLK21

Is there any way to just show up? If you set up a meeting and before the meeting OM catchs wind of it he may undermine the exposure with warnings of stark raving mad jealous husband...she will in fact be less likely to believe your evidence as her perspetive to what you say will be altered. Try not to give much time between calling her and showing up...kinda like "I'm in the neighborhood and need to drop off something."

good luck 19

Mr. W

I have just joined the board, having just found out my DH is having an affair, and he knows I know.
I applaude you for what you are about to do. I too am thinking that in the school holidays next week of taking my 3 children into his workplace for lunch. It will be very very hard for me as she works there and apparently the whole office knows about the affair now (as she proudly broadcast that she had made the conquest she was after).
But I think if I can do it, be strong and brave and show up with our 3 little ones to have lunch with 'daddy' it might make the rest of the workplace even more appalled with the situation.

Anyway - best of luck with your 'exposure'

Justine

Here's a few suggestions:

1. I know you will have an opinion at how I handle this situation which has devastated my family. I would appreciate your support and constructive criticism but before I tell you anything more, I ask you respect my decisions. For I am not able to tell you everything but will tell you enough so you are able to help. It is not that I don't want you to know all but it is safer for all of us if you don't. Right now someone is anxious to bring a lot of hurt to our families and friends. I want to minimize the hurt and begin the healing. Will you help me?


2. Make sure you know your reason for exposing.
Bring this out in a short statement at the beginning.
Something like: I am taking the chance of telling you this information in hopes you won't suffer in shock as much as I have. My family has been devastated and your family is affected as well.

3. Make the exposure info short. Ask if they have any questions or concerns.

4. Thank them for being part of your support group. Providing they agree t/b.

All the best,

L.

Good for you 19!..I think it's best to get it over with quickly anyway..no use in torturing yourself by dwelling on it for days..

Will be thinking about and praying for you today..!