yes, I do know how to vaccum - of course, like I said above, the last time I vaccumed was during the "retreat" ....

luckily, I do have 3 kids and 2 can actually clean - so I woke them up and made them start -

it's not going to be easy to be loving, you know that don't you? especially if her attitude has not changed, and I doubt it has - it's hard to act like that when she acts like she does -

maybe I am wrong - she usually comes back from these trips in a great mood (it's an annual trip with 10-12 college friends).

Yes, i know its not going to be easy to be loving, but it will have an impact. I know it is hard to not allow her to control your own moods, but please try. Be as positive and loving to her as possible.

So, you put those poor kids to work, did ya?? You slave driver! lol

OK. I will try - do I have to keep it up even if she says something crappy? Like "Have you talked to your buddy..." meaning OMW?

and yes I did put them to work - and I have to hand it to them, they are doing a great job - saving my a55 -

this job was too big for one person in the time I had ...

Yes, you have to be nice, but I wonder if you could disarm her? What if you said something like: "why yes I have, thank you." And SMILE.

I get the feeling that she is saying this to disarm you with GUILT. If you let her know that there is nothing to feel guilty about, she may stop.

Also, on the day she left, you told her you were sorry she was upset about your call to the OMW. She replied that "you should have thought of that before you called her." I would set her straight on that point. Let her know you are not at all sorry you called her, only sorry that she is upset, but you fully expect her to get over that.

OK, I'll try to keep it up.

I haven't actually talked to OMW in awhile - so I can say "nope" and smile -

I have told her that I will never say sorry for telling OMW because I am not sorry for that

W is home now - I did pick her up and all that I cleaned up (with kids) really well.

W seems to be in a better mood than when she left - we'll see if it lasts, she's always in a good mood when she comes back from this trip.

I am sure she told all her friends about her EA - some already knew - I'd love to know what she said.

W actually said she was ready to come home yesterday even - I guess that's good.

I am being as nice as I can = pretty nice actually, but it is not easy.

Can I make a suggestion? Quit obsessing about her mood, and focus on your OWN mood? Try to be positive and simply REFUSE to allow her to drag you into her negativity. If she is nasty and moody, tell her you are sure sorry she feels bad and hope she feels better soon. Then change the subject or leave the room. Stop focusing on HER and focus on yourself, the children, your job and building a happy lifestyle. If she chooses to be miserable, let her be miserable.

Hoping the house looked good, you animal! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

The house did look pretty good - all things considered and thanks largely to my 2 oldest kids. I didn't leave myself enough time to do it myself.

I see what you mean about her mood / my mood. I am not sure I am obsessing - but maybe I am.

It's not really that she is nasty and moody, it's just that it's obvious she is mad in how she reacts to me - not affirmative nastiness at all - just quiet and not as responsive to me as normal - when I try to be affectionate etc.

For example, for the past 3 weeks or so she has not slept up against me like she normally does - that's obvious and noticeable.

Anyway, it is better now than when she left on Thursday. Actually a few definite signs (she did sleep up against me last night). We'll see if it lasts. Last night/yesterday went better than I expected (but not quite as well as I had hoped for).

But that is OK. I am trying my best to do what you and others have suggested as being patient. "Baby steps" as someone suggested (Longhorn maybe). I am not a patient person at all so that's not easy for me.

I would love to rush this to conclusion - one way or another, but that's just stupid and I know it.

Hi 19.

How is it going?

Things are starting to move for me, could say getting much better, but I want to take it slowly.

H came a diferent person from that trip. Assuming his mistakes, and willing to work on M. Lets see how it goes.

Hey Lost - I guess I would have to say things are going better for me too.

W came back from her trip in a better mood too. She's probably still pissed, but she's not acting like it nearly as much as she was.

There are actually a couple of definitve signs that she is not as mad, but I am trying not to read too much into them or worry about it either - she can feel whatever she wants to feel.

For some reason, and this was true even before W got back, I am in a much better mood too. Sort of a "whatever happens, happens mood". I really didn't miss her when she was gone (and I usually miss her a lot).

I'd like the M to work out, and I intend to work very hard at it, but if it doesn't, I'll be OK and so will the kids.

So that's sort of where I am.

I am glad to hear that things are getting positive for you too.

Thanks for checking in on me.

Hi 19,

I am bumping you up for Glad, she would like you to re-read your own thread. I hope you are strongly looking at your new developement and are going to do the right thing.

Hello 19,

How is it going?

I am starting to understand what the experts mean when they say Recovery can be harder then Plan A or even Plan B.

But I am still working on it, the very first steps of Recovery I guess are being taken.

Keep us updated <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />